1. Wait until late in the day before you start your first job to tell your mother that you need new black pants and a WHITE shirt to wear to your job the NEXT MORNING. She knows how fun it is to shop with someone who thinks she’s fat and nothing fits her. (Frankly, she’d rather sit through a root canal with no anesthesia.)
2. If you’re lucky, it’ll be the day of the local college HOMECOMING football extravaganza, and the stores, streets, parking lots and intersections will all be packed.
3. If you are triply lucky, your particular town (In Oregon) will have had a freak snowstorm that closed schools, and brought down branches, trees and power lines, making the shopping spree even more enjoyable. (Did we fail to mention that all parking lots of said stores were doubling as designating tailgate areas?)
4. After your mother goes to bed, you and your sister could bake the double bag of Betty Crocker chocolate chip cookie mix, and then leave a hell of a mess in the kitchen for your mother to discover in the morning. (Make sure to cover your ears while you’re sleeping.)
5. Insist that your mother hem your pants (with real thread and not duct tape) one hour before you are to leave for work. Then, stand two feet from her – all the while breathing down her neck and rattle her SO much that she sews both hems on the OUTSIDE of the pants. This will REALLY make her happy. (Who knew she could hem in under ten minutes when under pressure?)
6. Oh, and make sure that the only way you speak to her during this whole enjoyable weekend is by yelling. Very loud.