11/7/09

Some Challenging Reading and a HUGE Giveaway.






I have decided that it would be remiss of me not to share some of the classics that I’ve been reading with all of you. Frankly, I am ready to give them away to one or two lucky winners.

First, let me share the books. In this first classic, the hero meets the heroine, they fight, they make up, they kiss a little and live happily ever after. It is set in London.




In this second classic, the hero meets the heroine, they fight, they make up, they kiss a little and live happily ever after. It is set in Scotland.



In this third classic, the hero meets the heroine, they fight, they make up, they kiss a little and live happily ever after. It is set in Ireland.




And in this fourth, there’s a twist; the hero meets the heroine, they fight, they SOLVE A MURDER, they kiss a little and live happily ever after. It is set in Murdertown, U.S.A.




The rules?

1. Donate a couple of thousand dollars to the “Send Sassy to boarding school” fund over at the Paypal button on the sidebar.

2. Find me an agent who loves a vodka-swilling mother that teaches kindergarten.

3. Do fifteen jumping jacks.

4. Vote for me over at Best Humor Blog (It’s called Waitress Where’s My Martini.)

5. Make me laugh.

You may choose ANY or NONE of the above. I will print out your names, put them in a hat and throw them off my deck. The first one that lands in the dog poop wins these classics.


Oh, and if those books above are just too challenging for your brain, I’m willing to throw in this one by E.B. White. Call it a little light reading.





And if you vote for me (Waitress Where's My Martini) over at Best Humor Blog NUMEROUS times, I'll send you this classic People Magazine. It's guaranteed to increase your vocabulary tenfold.










38 comments:

ChiTown Girl said...

Do you even know how freakin' hilarious you are!?

just making my way said...

I have voted for you already - like AGES ago - does that still count?

Here's a hopeful laugh for you. The other night the Mr. was trying to get the Pixie (who is 3) to go upstairs to bed. Her answer? "I don't wanna go to bed! I wanna ROCK N ROLL!"

Steven Anthony said...

god you make me snort....

Brian Miller said...

really the pictures on the front are enough for me...i'd hate to read it and spoil that image. smiles.

Secretia said...

Hi, I just voted for you!

I see you are reading "Surrender to the Devil" I did that a few times-ha ha.

You like erotic literature I see. very Spicy! I do too.

Secretia

QueenCrazyMum said...

an award for you-http://wwwtheadventuresofcrazymumcom.blogspot.com/2009/11/blog-awards-kick-ass.html

SkylersDad said...

I posed for the cover of "Bound by Your Touch".

Or was it "One Man's Meat"?

I can never remember...

Sara J. Henry said...

You are so funny. Of course I will vote for you. And I got an agent for a 15-year-old YA writer in Australia in three weeks flat (three offers from four agents) so I'm sure I can help you find a vodka-swilling mother who teachers kindergarten.

Suzy said...

Since when did Owen Meany (A fictional character in a John Irving novel) turn into E.B. White?

You're drunk, just admit it. (don't count this comment because I'm allergic to dog poop)

Joanie M said...

I tried voting for you numerous times. It won't let me, dammit!

Not a fan of romance novels. I do own 2 romance novels, but they were written by a friend of mine and they're signed (jealous, aren't you?)
Her name is Sandy Hingston and she's written about 17 or so "Bodice Busters"

However, I love love love murder mysteries! If my ex were to ever perish in a mysterious way and the police came here to ask me questions and saw my bookshelves, I might be in a wee bit of trouble.
And have a said THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for the mega-cool Vampire's Assistant prize package???

Meandering Mel said...

Hahahahaha, awesome. I have a secret stash of romance novels too. :) (Mostly Danielle Steele that I got from my neighbor when I was in high school. She was 92 when she gave them to me... lol)

madtexter (corey james) said...

Wow! Great minds DO think a like! That looks just like my book collection. Got 'em sitting on my bookshelf right next to Hawthorne, Chekhov and Swift!

otin said...

Seemed like I almost saw more than "One Man's Meat" In some of those book covers! LMAO!

3 Men and a Lady said...

LOL, I am dying laughing at the image of you throwing a handful of paper slips in the air and watching them flutter down to see which lands in a pile of poop first. Seriously, it's cracking me up!

Kate said...

I spent a whole season reading romance novels. When my fiance died, I couldn't think or work or rest and a friend of mine dropped off a bag of these babies and told me to read them when I needed to take a break from my brain. Oddly, it worked. I don't remember the story lines (you don't need to) but they engaged me enough to distract my head from my present circumstances just long enough for a breather in the wreckage.

Then I discovered blogs. That's a whole other story.

Julie B. said...

Please enter me for the smut only. But only if at least one includes a guardian falling in love with his just turned 18 charge, a tomboy girl who secretly pines for her best guy pal now that they're all grown up, or supernatural forces.

I started to do the jumping jacks but began to have a heart attach so I didn't finish them all, but since I only want a few of the books I figured that would be a fair entry anyhow.

Mrs. E said...

I'm still laughing! You always make my day! Who said teachers don't know good literature?!

Twenty Four At Heart said...

I just want to know where I can find a man with abs like the men on the covers of those books?

staceyjwarner said...

love the plot summaries! my pockets are empty...I just donated $150 to Seva Foundation.

much love

Lynn said...

How about I just vote for you and you don't send me any of those books.

You are fuuuunnnEEE

Ellie said...

Can I have fifteen orgasms instead and the people magazine?

Char said...

I'd like One Man's Meat, please. Thanks.

Stacie said...

I can understand the "dog poop" method of determining the winner. If you need extra, just let me know! Totally funny!

Fireblossom said...

Sorry. Much as I'd love to use the bodice-rippers as bricks to wall up my enemies, I already gave all my money to the Apathy Now! foundation. They are all about trying to get people to care about not caring. Blah. Whatever.

Tammy Howard said...

My NaNoWriMo venture is turning into chicklit, which hadn't been my original intent and I am very unhappy with myself. (Although you might like it. There's kissing. They haven't fought yet, but there's a conflict, nonetheless...) Anyhoo. So I went to the romance section in B&N yesterday for the first time ever (I swear!!!). I had my first inkling that my project might not work out. The cover I imagine does not include a bare chested man, a woman in 18th century garb, or vampires. I'm screwed.

Jan said...

I'm rummaging around in my sofa for the boarding school money, because I sure as SHIT ain't going any jumping jacks.

Oh, yeah, I will also go vote.

Jan said...

I'm not DOING any jumping jacks, either.

*sigh* Mornings are for morning people.

plainolebob said...

VM,
I had no idea these were classics, I been readin the wrong stuff I guess, I got all Clive Cusslers, and Bret Harts, books I will gladly throw in though, I know they must be classics too.
Them agent all drink vodka don't they?
All them books is required reading at them boardin schools, that youngun may need em.
BIG HUGS

♥ Braja said...

WTF??? NO VODKA????

To hell with that. I'm comin' over TO OREGON so I can sit with you and swill vodka near the pile of dog poop and wait for the first landing. Leave a light on: I'm on my way......

(unless of course Janie bought OREGON to give to Zack and Zanny for Christmas)

Angie Ledbetter said...

What great enjoyment for a Sunday morning. Thank you. :)

LadyFi said...

Oh, they are all classics... especiall that six-pack stomach.. Classic all the way! (Wonder where he gets it waxed?)

CatLadyLarew said...

Wow! Did you get a chance to read these aloud to your class at story time? Wouldn't want them to miss out before you give them away!

I did the jumping jacks and voted for you, so throw my name in the hat!

Mainly a midwife said...

Let me just ask a question.. why do the covers all look like that..gorgeous characters and men with the six pack abs? Are there no books about boring middle aged couples who meet, kiss, breed, fight about child-rearing and finances, give each other the cold treatment, eventually make up and just manage to stay together? Now THAT is a real accomplishment.But it probably just doesn't sell. :)

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Is there a secret method to being able to vote for you numerous times? 'Cuz I would so do it.

And does it count that I accidentally stepped in dog poop today when Princess Nagger was showing me some crazy turkey game she invented? ;)

FC said...

From a fellow avid reader, I'd love to win any of these! Thanks!!

~ FC

sun lover said...

Now that is my kind of reading. So funny that I think I will go vote right now, well that is right after I finish the jumping jacks. Shoot I hope I am not to tired to vote cause that many jumping jacks might just do me in. :)

Poppy Buxom said...

I've decided that every single one of those books should be subtitled "with his six-pack abs."

As in Surrender to the Devil with His Six-Pack Abs, My Noble Knight With His Six Pack Abs, and Not Quite a Husband-With His Six-Pack Abs.

It's reminding me of that infinitely-entertaining game you play with fortune cookies, where you read your fortune aloud and add "between the sheets" every time.

And now, to vote for you--and Your Six Pack Abs--at Humor Bloggers.

Ang said...

Voted!
I'd love One Man's Meat, but the man's meat I have has trouble staying in his pants when out of the house so I think I'm good trying to keep a handle on the one I've already got. Unless you'll swap...hmm...idea.

Any of the other titles will do, thanks! :-D