It appears that this holiday season has again, unfortunately, provided me with some “I didn’t know it was a contest” winners. Drumroll, please…
1. Who won the “most ungrateful brat on these continental United States” title on Christmas morning?” Sassy. Hands-down. (I don’t think you want the details. Moms of teen girls- you know exactly what I mean.)
2. Who provoked mom to call someone a *&^ing *&@^# on the day AFTER Christmas? Bitchy. (When Golden Boy finally realizes he’s TWICE her weight and four inches taller than she is and can basically squash her like a BUG-she better run.)
3. Who persuaded mom to run away from home for two days without even a HINT of guilt? That’s a toss up. I’d say it was a three-way tie. (A three way screaming like BANSHEES tie.)
4. Who ruined the “run away in the middle of the night” vacation that mom planned the day after Christmas? Tightwad. (Thanks, Dr. Smythe, for scheduling his BIG TOE surgery for today. Frankly, I could have performed it myself with my new “ladies Swiss Army Knife” that he so thoughtfully gave me for Christmas. You’d think after 20 years I’d learn that I’m NOT getting anything REMOTELY related to the jewelry family.)
5. Who finally saved mom from committing hari-kari over the last five days? The Nikolai vodka company. (I am still convinced I’d be their best sponsor idea YET.)
Here’s the gift I’m cuddling up with tonight. (And for next gazillion nights, I’m thinking.) Five Gazillion pages of delicious Stephen.
He’s the “best gift this year” winner. I might have to deliver his award in person. (And I would, if he didn't have that silly little restraining order.)