3/19/10

Lost on ABC?? Phhhhhhht. I got your lost right here.



Dear Golden Boy,

Yeah. About last night. You know when I screamed at the top of my lungs when I discovered you and the neighbor boys flying down the bike path behind our house, racing each other WITHOUT ANY HELMETS ON???

You came up to me incredibly furious and angry, and told me that I was the worst mother in the world, remember? You yelled at me, and fought with me and argued that I should let you guys race down the bike path at a MILLION miles an hour with NO HELMETS ON.

I guess you don’t remember when I had to carry Bitchy to the ER when she fell off her bike while riding past our house using NO HANDS. And, when your cousin had his ball-sac ripped open last summer when he crashed his bike and the handle bars ripped it wide open- did we forget to talk about that??? Holy crap.

Oh, and when your other cousin’s best friend had to be LIFEFLIGHTED to the hospital because he crashed while riding WITHOUT a HELMET three summers ago and barely survived??? Yeah, I guess I forgot to tell you about that, too.


When you told me I was the worst mother in the world and that you hated me?


It didn’t bother me a bit.


(Another excerpt from the Lost Files. Hey ABC, I'll be waiting for your call. And the photo? It doesn't match the post but I don't care. It made me smile.)


44 comments:

RottenMom said...

We had a Ball-Sac episode when my oldest boy was younger. Horrible. Especially when the neighbor guy offered to check it. Keep on being the Worst Mother in the World, someday he'll understand.

Christy said...

That picture made me smile too, and I applaud you for sticking to your guns! Hope you have a great weekend!

Lori said...

they're invincible, of course. don't you know that, mom? have a great weekend.

Star Child said...

I remember riding my bike not that many years ago, without a helmet...and nearly being hit by a car.

A close call.

The worst thing though? - Was seeing the driver being all shaken about what she could have done to me...

A lot to think about.

Sprite's Keeper said...

Ha ha! I almost didn't click on it because I thought there was a spoiler alert!
GB will get over it. One day. INTACT.
XOXO

Sara J. Henry said...

Please tell Golden Boy that I turned 21 in a hospital bed with a fractured skull because I got tired of wearing my helmet. And I was a very skilled rider (a state cycling champion) - my bike slammed me to the ground when the gears skipped. I still have quite a lump on the side of my head from it.

It wasn't a bad age to learn I was mortal.

Tell Golden Boy we'd all like to have him around for a long, long while. Or, at the very least, his mom deserves to have one less thing to worry about.

Scope said...

Step 1) Give him a picture of a ripped ball-sac.

Step 2) Everytime he leaves, to go out with his friends, tell him, "Don't rip your ball-sac".

And can we start calling it the "bal-d-sac"?

CSY said...

Bravo! Worst Mother In The World! Why don't our children understand that yes, we are bad mothers but that's only because THEY DON'T LISTEN!!! Keep on being a Bad Mom...he'll call you one day and apologize for this incident.

The Muse said...

I am proud that you STUCK to your guns on this issue!! :)

The Good Cook said...

Yes, you are a bad, bad mother, loving your Golden Boy so much as to not want him to injure or God forbid, kill himself.

Bad Mother, Bad Mother - keep it up and welcome to the club.

PS. I am a very bad mother and the worst mother in the world because I make my kidadults (and grand littles) wear helmets to ski AND ride bikes. Sigh.

The Empress said...

Worst Mothers of the World? Hey, I belong to that club.

They've got chapters all over the place.

Good post. Thank you. Loved the photo, too, even if it has nothing to do with the price of tea in China :)

Real Live Lesbian said...

I guess I'd better start wearing my helmet, too. Although, I'm not too worried about my ball sac. ;)

Steven Anthony said...

ball sack ripped open...I couldnt read anymore, ouch...my knees still feel weak, and I think I will wear a cup today;)

Joanie M said...

I don't think wearing a helmet will help protect his ball sac... but it just might keep his brains inside his head.

you just keep on going for worst mother of the year.

The Boob Nazi said...

The ball sac thing hurt me, and I'm a girl. OUCH.

3 Men and a Lady said...

Was there a ball sac episode we haven't heard about? And how does one rip a ball sac? Ouch.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

When I started working on Pediatrics on the unit in NJ there was no helmet law. We'd routinely get kids in with head injuries and concussions. It dropped dramatically after the law passed. It was my own informal observation, but it made a huge impact on me; my kids were barely born at the time.
So you go girl; he'll love you for it later. As with most good parenting...

CaneWife said...

I think I could stand being hated in that situation.

I have no idea how I'm going to prepare myself for those days.

SkylersDad said...

I agree with your son. I fail to see how a helmet would help me out in a ball-sac incident... ;^)

only a movie said...

My child has been to the emergency way too many times... I share your sentiment. And fight the helmet battle. One reason I hate this time of year.
Ack.

ReadingRosie said...

Maybe an athletic cup is more what this situations calls for ... Just sayin :)

Diane J. said...

I'm snickering at the person who mentioned an athletic cup, very good suggestion.

Yep, gotta have those helmets. To this day I swear the only reason my son still has his head intact is because he took Judo. They teach them to keep their head off the mat when they get thrown down. Might be why he didn't crack his head on the pavement when he got hit by a car. And every one of us, harped on him about his helmet (me, fire medic 1, fire medic 2, police officer 1, police officer 2, some guy who witnessed the accident, ER doctors 1,2,3, and nurses 1 & 2, and family doctor and his nurse). So tell dear Golden Boy that if anything happens to him, there will be a lot more people yelling at him than just you.

Cheryl said...

Abso-freakin'-lutely loved this! A kid down the street got hit by a car a couple of years ago running into the street for a ball. Lifelifted, head trauma, neighborhood trauma. He survived and finally came home. I know he's around because I see him playing ball in street all the time.

There are no appropriate words for the parents of this child as well as others on the street where I live.

Grace's Mom said...

Worst mom in the world? Does he know every mom in the world?

Oh well. I'll drink to that.

Cheers.

Ellie Belen said...

Moms will be moms, not much he can do about it.

Captain Dumbass said...

Helmet and a cup.

Swirl Girl said...

we need to invent bicycle seat ball sac bubble wrap, huh?

Cora said...

I was a demon on my bike as a kid too. No helmet or any protection of any kind at all. We're talking flights of stairs and all kinds of moronic stunts. But, dammit, I at least knew better than to partake in my stupidity where my mom could see me!!!!

Ironic Mom said...

Many years ago, I vowed I wouldn't date a man who didn't wear a helmet or seatbelt. Here's the logic: if he doesn't value his life and his brain, he's not going to value mine.

Ode to helmets!

Nellyn said...

Boys are dumb. Even when they're your kids.

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

The Pipster said...

OK, right now, I am on my second Fresca and lime vodka. I have a fabulous buzz. It's Friday night and it's cocktail hour. Cheers VM!

The Green Family said...

I'm jealous of the Pipster...still at work...as you can see hardly working :)

Good for you, our golden boys will appreciate it someday!

Far Side of Fifty said...

Someday he will understand..not just yet. You are a good MOM:)

jessica said...

just had the helmet argument with my 6 yr. old and her friend. it never ends does it?

Secretia said...

Nobody loves you like your mother! The truest words ever spoken.

Secretia

Anonymous said...

OMG, "ball-sac" ripped open!??! I don't even HAVE balls but I am in some serious pain just thinking about it!!!

The Girl Next Door said...

Worst mom? Clearly not.

Worst Dad? My Ex who said - IN FRONT OF THE KIDS - "Why should they have to wear helmets? I never did and I survived."

AAAAAccccck

And then MY head exploded....

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I missed this one the first time. The ball sac tid bit had my air balls aching.

WhisperingWriter said...

If you don't wear helmets on base, the military cops make you stop and will lecture you.

I've scared my kids by saying, "If you don't wear helmets, you're going to jail."

Alix said...

This sounds familiar..... a repost perhaps? or just another knock down drag out with GB over proper head gear.

XO

KiKi said...

Oof! I've soooo been there. Not quite as dramatic as the ball-sac ripping incident, but I knew I would have my hands full the day I turned around and saw my then five year old gunning down a hill--gunning down and WOBBLING, if that's possible--on his bike, and there was the helmet discarded on the ground by a picnic table...all in the split second I had turned my head. Sprouted snakes and spit venom and had a heart attack in only the way a loving and horrificly nervous mother would!

Loved this post!

Just Words On A Page said...

Oh I'd say about 40 years ago or so (cough cough), I was riding bikes with Eric Aurelious ( I will never forget his name for as long as I live) and he peddled to close to me and his peddle hit my spoke and over the handlebars I went and crashed my big ole head onto the curb that was was reinforced with iron. Ugly sight for sure.

Eric bless his heart freaked out and face planted into a truck side mirror.

No helmets. It was like 40+ years ago.

I suffered concussion. Doctor back then said it could have been worse. He was a dippy hippie back then and said "You know the Olympians wear helmets, and pilots wear seatbelts) (This was when you didn't wear seabelts in the car when you drove either).

The doctor was years ahead of himself. My kid doesn't bike, skate, repel, or anything that he could fall off of without a helmet.

He'll wear a raincoat when he has sex as well, but that's going to be saved for another post.

ha ha -

Don't worry VM you did the right thing by screaming.

Oh and you have GOT to go see Diary of a Wimpy Kid:)

Notes from a Broad said...

I read this to my husband, laughing at his wincing face when I got to the "ball sac " part and I laughed but with tears at the " It didn't bother me a bit" ...
lovely, just lovely :)

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Kids can be so stupid. And they blame us for their stupidity. You keep on being the worst mom, and one day they will thank you. :o)