Sometimes I have to self-prescribe. (Or, how can I have hot flashes when I have NO OVARIES?)

I took the day off today to visit my doctor. Not the one who removed the ten pound boulder from my shoulder, and not the doctor who is helping me prolong the replacement of the knees that served me so well through decades of competitive gymnastics.

I went to visit my best friend, the ob/gyn who removed everything that wasn't nailed down in my nether-regions, and freed me from visiting the lady product aisle every time I head to the grocery store. ( It is GLORIOUS to not have to worry about that. Honestly.)

It's been three years since she gave me the great news that I would need a total H, and frankly, that was the highlight of the year that was filled with devastation and tragedy.

I've been taking my little blue happy pill loyally every morning, and it wasn't until a month or two ago that I really started feeling, well, crappy.

I haven't been myself.

I thought at FIRST it was because my screaming, fighting, headstrong daughters went off to college leaving me a lonely working mother trying to find her way. Then Golden Boy must have instinctively known I needed him, and he has gone out of his way to keep me distracted.

I still feel crappy.

There is a war being waged inside my body, and I'm not even sure whose SIDE I'm on. I feel like an innocent bystander being hit by burning embers of shrapnel. At night. When I'm trying to sleep.

After a wonderful discussion with her (She uses the f-word. How great is THAT?) she decided it was definitely time to re-examine hormone levels, testosterone levels (I'd like to regain my mojo, if you get my drift) and my insulin levels. I don't want to get technical because, to be honest, I don't even remember everything she's checking, but it sounds like a great plan to me.

In the interim, I've decided to self medicate. I'll start with a dose of HUMOR every single day, and for the rest, you can use your imagination.

Just don't get too crazy. I'm no Lindsay Lohan.

And THIS is what I needed today. PLEASE watch this. I guarantee you will pee your pants. Just clean up your mess before you leave. There's no janitor in THIS house.