If I were a little more like Scary Mommy, I'd probably be thinner.

This was a gift from my friend, Jill. And while I know MANY people who share this pet peeve, I, unfortunately, am not one of them.And yeah, it's a guest post. And if only I had Merv Griffin's couch, we'd be all set. Kramer.

The most wonderful time of the year is over. The one time when near strangers ring your doorbell to drop off plates of home-made cookies and brownies and chocolates. The time when school parents send goodies home in back-backs and bring fresh muffins for breakfast. It's all over. Thank God.

I suck, I know. Bah Humbug. I just can't help it. Food prepared by people I don't know well freaks me out.

Now, I know that restaurants are no picnic. I certainly don't know the chefs and some downright questionable shit goes on in those kitchens. The neon signs about hand-washing might not get through to the line-chef and retribution for annoying preparation requests may be commonplace... I know. But, for me, there is just something different about a restaurant and a home kitchen.

When I had my babies, we had some kind and generous neighbors who brought us home-cooked meals every day for weeks. I bet they were delicious. Jeff certainly enjoyed them. But I wouldn't know. If they came from a kitchen I didn't know, I couldn't get myself to eat any of it.

Am I alone here? It certainly feels like it-- I don't see anyone else picking around at out at pot-lucks, trying to figure out who made what or passing on the homemade goodies. I just can't do it. So, you can skip my house next year for the holidays. I'll take the plant instead.


Jennie said...

Hi there,
I cannot stess how "oooged" out I am by potlucks, buffets and plates from mystery chefs. Thanks but definately, no thanks.

I know what the people I work with do and don't do before leaving the washroom so hell to the no on eating their food!

So, you aren't wicked or evil. Your actually quite sane for not wanting mystery food! LOLOL

Best wishes for a great 2001,
Jennie and the Pretty Pekes

Malisa said...

Yes, you are alone in your neighbor food phobia, but you are not alone in your journey of life. I am so glad you are part of my life and I look forward to another year of sharing! Let's hope 2011 opens new horizons for both of us, friend!


Kathryn Magendie said...

I'm like this to a degree, too - I mean, what if they have a nasty kitchen? or pick their nose while cooking? or taste their food with the same spoon - ewwwwwww :-D

I don't like buffets - all those people peering and picking and breathing and touching the food - ewwwww

Ah well.... Happy Ole New Year!

RottenMom said...

We attended a pot luck party over the Holidays. I made sure to bring something I would eat, as I'm sure as hell not going to be eating something from a kitchen I haven't been in before. Especially if they have nose picking children or a really hairy husband.

I am totally with you on this one.

Lynn MacDonald said...

I am the exact opposite. If it weren't for people constantly dropping off food, my family would surely have starved to death years ago. I even voluntarily had rotator cuff surgery...just so my family could have free meals for a few weeks. Just kidding...I love free food.

Anonymous said...

I just want to know where you live that people bring you free food, because I'm sure I'm going to move there.

I've thought about bringing people food, after an 'event' but then you have to think are there allergies? What if they're gluten-free? Are they Veg? By that time I'm exhausted and have to order myself pizza, so there's no damn way they're getting my home cooking!

Notes From ABroad said...

You know, I hadn't thought about it .... until now ... I am sorry I am thinking about it now though :(
I grew up in the South where ladies would bring dishes over when someone was ill, when their garden had been too generous so they baked extra for neighbors, or cooked or just brought a basket of tomatoes.
When my mom lost her 3rd baby, our neighbor would come over every evening with dishes prepared at her home, for her family and shared with us.
If I am going to get anal ( which I am - often) , I think I will start with restaurants... and give the kind people who go to the bother of preparing and bringing something to you to eat for the next phobia.
I can only handle so many phobias at a time.. I will put yours on my list of Phobias In Waiting :)

noexcuses said...

If one is worried about allergies, cleanliness or ingredients, they should bring their own food. I appreciate the thoughtfulness of those who take the time to prepare something to share. A little dirt isn't going to kill anyone, and I feel it is one way to build up immunities.

I do, however, have respect for those who don't share my views and I regret that we may not be able to party together very often.

We do what we feel is right for us.

jessica said...

as a preschool teacher there is always some sort of holiday or birthday party going on in one of the classes. we look at a delicious goody and simply say "is it clean?" The teacher who knows the donor will say "yes, it's from michael" or "no, it's from peter" and then we can decide.

Anonymous said...

Oh thank heavens!!! I thought I was the only one!!

If I don't know the people well enough I won't eat the stuff... I just don't know if their hands are washed... if they had a cold... if the kids helped who washed THEIR hands...

Weird me out. Totally!


Joanie said...

I work in a restaurant and I can honestly say that I haven't witnessed any of the horror stories I've heard about.

And I haven't thought about pot luck suppers.... until now.

It's Always Something Around Here said...

You are not alone at all! I can't eat stuff made by others either. I hardly got any home made food gifts this year and was relieved....I feel guilty throwing it out but can't eat it.

Anonymous said...

You are sooo not alone in your thoughts. When I was little my mother never let me or my other 6 siblings buy anything from a bake sale. She always said "you never know if the baker has cats that they let walk around on the kitchen counters". Not kidding, that really scars you for life!!

Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit said...

I have no idea what you are talking about, but it sounds horrid. Taking food from strangers who bring it to your front door? Um ... no!

Elenka said...

Good God, I never thought about any of this!!!
But now, oh yes, now, I will be thinking about all the horrid things that have happened to any food presented to me.
Now back to kissing my cats.....Don't even go there.

SkylersDad said...

I have always had the ability to eat about anything from anybody. hair in your food? No problem, I pick it out and keep chomping! What was that? A hoof? Excellent! It must be keep the hoof night at the hungry heifer!!

Unknown said...

When I was teaching and the kids bought home made food gifts I always asked if they made it or mummy/ daddy/ gran etc. Kid made was "saved for later" (ie thrown in the bin at the first available opportunity!) otherwise it was ok. I figure most people manage to feed their families on a daily basis without poisoning them so am happy to accept their generosity in feeding me and mine!

Suburban Correspondent said...

We never look a gift horse in the mouth. Luckily, I don't share your phobia and have enjoyed many a homemade meal from friends.

Does this mean you never eat over at a friend's house, either? Ever?

Alexandra said...

Oh, this will sound so mean.

But I only like food if I know the person's kitchen is clean.

Awful, isn't it?

But there are some people I"ve watched in their kitchens and they lick and spit and lick everything...and just, no thanks.

So, yeah, I guess I'm half like Scary Mommy.

Anonymous said...

I am so with you on this! I absolutely HATE potlucks and buffets. I won't eat anything unless it was store bought or I have personally been in your house and seen your kitchen and approve of it's cleanliness. People at work think I'm nuts!! As far as buffets, all those strangers dipping into the same serving dish while breathing, talking, coughing, sneezing all over that "public" food. Not my idea of a great dinner either. But I guess I could be called somewhat of a germaphobe.

Sharon Rose said...

I am laughing out loud!

I see Amy has posted above me here. I sit here, reminded as she and I have been placed in this position many times, being the pastor of a congregation.

Amy is always at my side in those pitch-ins and potluck dinners, going through over my shoulder, whispering, "do you know you made that?" Or, "what is that? Do I really have to act like I am enjoying this?"

I am laughing out loud, of course respecting the fact that I know as soon as we leave the dinner, we are headed straight for McDonald's drive - thru because my princess is STARVING!

She can sit there and make it look like she has enjoyed the meal without ingesting one single bite. I think it's part of her charm! LOL

Scope said...

Whenever I need to "bring a dish to share", I always make it a bucket of KFC. You might not know what it is (Rumor*; they changed the name because what they server is no longer technically "chicken"), but you know it was produced in a kitchen that has been checked out by the health department sometime.

* Yes, I know they changed it to avoid the word "fried".

Unknown said...

You know I'm so sorry at all you're going through...but...it so incredibly awesome that I have like my entire blogroll of favorite bloggers all in one place now. It's like you visited MY blog and looked at MY blogroll and then asked them all if they could send in a guest post so that I only had to visit one place. You continue to amaze me with your awesomeness!!!

Empress Bee (of the high sea) said...

oh i KNOW! it skeezes me out too! once i got food poisoning at a restaurant and wouldn't eat in one for a year, i even cleaned my apples in bleach water! i know, nuts...

smiles, bee

plus some people's kitchens are nasty! ps

J.J. in L.A. said...

Unfortunately, if it's food, I'll eat it. Unless it has nuts in it...or onions.

Yup, that's it.

LegalMist said...

I always figure, if it's been baked (at 350 or more for most baked goods and casseroles) or cooked in a crock pot or even a toaster oven, it's probably fine. Any bacteria are likely to be long dead. I do feel a little iffy about things like poultry or eggs -- if not cooked properly, you can get salmonella from those, but mostly, I figure my friends and neighbors are probably ok.

Now, when I worked in an office with a rather skeevy dude who had open sores on his arms and always wore short-sleeved shirts, I did avoid anything he had cooked, and avoided *everything* at the potlucks if he had served himself before I got there!! I mean, really... eeeewwwww!

Cora said...

Ohhh too true. My ex-husband used to send over food for ME after my kid spent weekends at his house. He was a piece of crap to me 24/7 and then he'd send me homemade cookies and spaghetti, etc? OH HELL NO. I never ate a single bite of any of it. Never. The whole thing creeped me out because I was sure he'd spit in it or farted on it or something. And, c'mon, you KNOW he did.