If I don't write it down I'll NEVER remember. (Wait, what was I talking about?)

Vodka’s To-Do list for Wednesday.

1. Remind Golden Boy and the do-good brigade about the talking rules. The new rule at the top of the list? NEVER (and I mean never) say “I’d tap that” in front of your mother when watching girls at the pool.

2. Refill the snack cabinet, the drinks in the fridge and anything that is edible before the brigade comes back over. Who knew that three boys resembling stick figures could eat you out of house and home? (Yeah. I knew. I just FORGOT.)

3. Teach Junior and Munchie how to vacuum after themselves, AND make coffee. (This time remind them to use a filter – and that I like my coffee strong enough to defend itself.)

4. Beg the neighbor to let me use his John Deere riding mower. (My arms and legs are still screaming from the last push-mowing incident. Sweat is highly overrated.)

5. Hide my wallet.

Oh wait, it’s empty.


(Oh, I almost forgot. Number 6? Remind e-harmony that I am probably not interested in anyone who “figure-skates” in their spare time. I might NOT be that man’s perfect match. I’m just sayin’.)


Elaine said...

Made my day. Again.

Brian Miller said...

figure skaters can be rather limber you know...another thing you should probably never say in your mothers presence...you had me at coffee strong enough to defend itself

Rick Daley said...

#1 reminds me of the sex clinic scene in The 40-Year-Old Virgin ;-)

#2 Fill it with broccoli and brussels sprouts, and then have a camera ready to get their faces when they see healthy stuff.

#3 What's a vacuum?

#4 The belt for my self-propelled push mower broke about 4 mowings ago. I finally replaces it 2 mowing ago. It broke again last mowing, after pushing past roughly 15 blades of grass.

#5 Fill it with Monopoly money.

#6 I did yoga yesterday and at one point in the DVD I was told to put my arms out like airplane wings bend over and balance on one leg with my other leg straight out behind me. As I fell I thought about how hard that must be while moving on an ice skate, and as I landed I realized how much softer yoga mats are than ice.

WORD VERIFICATION: faverho. A prostitute who doesn't require monetary payments, just a promise that you'll get her back sometime.

Mrs. E said...

Oh, that cracked me up! Teen boys-- aren't they grand? Now if the figure skater had a lot of money and loved vodka....!

kirida said...

Ack! I have two boys who are already eating everything and they're only one and five years old. I will have to get a second job just to afford their appetites.

And! Figure skating might mean he looks good in a tight outfit.

Beth said...

Where's the "like" button? I really like Rick Daley's comments!!!

Notes From ABroad said...

LOL @ Rick ! (favorho..lol)

I knew someone a long time ago who wanted a goat or was it sheep ? They slowly and methodically eat the grass down to just the right level of a nicely mown lawn ..
Just a thought~

Joanie said...

I nearly spit my coffee out at Rule #1!!

I don't have a clever definition for my word verification: tediessi

And it looks like your babble voting is on the move again. It still won't let me vote, though.

noexcuses said...

I think your kids and mine would get along extremely well! I love the comments you received, too!

It's good to know that you are enjoying your summer!

Thanks for making my day!

Magpie said...

Figure skaters = gymnasts. I totally get that.

BTW, there's a really interesting article in this week's New Yorker about on-line dating sites.

Anne said...

As a mother of 3 girls ~ I about THREW UP when I read #1. :-) SHIT. I'm not sure I am ready for boys to enter our scene. I've got a few safe years left, especially considering they are going to be late bloomers (aka-flat as a board). BUT IF I EVER HEAR A BOY SAY THAT ABOUT ONE OF MY GIRLS - IT WILL BE U-G-L-Y. That I can promise.

Have you seen Bad Teacher yet? I haven't. I am trying to decide if it would make me a bad teacher just because I am thinking I'd really laugh, a lot.

Leslie said...

So now we write about on-line dating in the same day. Sometimes you spook me.

Sarah Garb said...

So then it was the soreness from lawn-mowing that prevented you from clamping your hands over the boy's mouth, or over his eyes, or holding a towel up in front of the pool girls? Hopefully the riding mower will leave you some strength for all three--or at least for carrying those groceries.

Lori Lyons said...

Laughed. Out. Loud. At work. Can't tell them I'm reading a great blog on the work computer. But I am.

No. 1 -- Really?

Michele said...

Boys his age have hallow legs. I remember when my stick-thin boys would bring over their stick-thin friends. I'd leave plenty of food in the house then come home to food wrappers, dirty plates and empty soda cans. It was like locust had hit my house. Spring break would about beggar me.

Vodka Mom said...

Leslie-that was an attempt by my girlfriends to lift me out of my sadness. So far, it has brought some smiles. So, in effect, it has lifted me. But I am not ready, i don't think.

Scope said...

1. Wait until one of the do-good brigade says that about Bitchy or Sassy!

2. Refill it with pork rinds and black licorice. That'll learn 'em.

3. If they were goats or sheep, they could take care of the lawn for you. Where are the herbavores when you need them.

4. I think mowing the lawn would be a "do-good" brigade kind of task. Pay off some of that chow bill.

5. Hopefully soon your wallet's to thick to hide.

6. And, trust me, there's good ones out there on the web. (Our one year anniversary is Sunday.)

Bernie said...

I wish I could. Unfortunately I have no boys or girls in my immediate vicinity. And as for remembering, I'm there with you. If it isn't written down and if someone doesn't remind me to look at where it is written down, I am lost. So you still have a way to go.

Shelly said...

Thanks for making me laugh!

Joanna Jenkins said...

You are cracking me up! I'm pretty sure yours is "the cool house" so keep hiding the food from the gang :-)

xo jj

FRANNIE said...

I find it stunning how much two teen boys can pack away, they talk about the next meal while eating the first!

Anonymous said...

I bet a figure skater would have a nice ass....just sayin'

Vodka Mom said...

oh my. I never THOUGHT of THAT.

be right back.........

SkylersDad said...

I'm with Scope. What is the use of having a son if you can't work him like a rented mule?

Sharon Rose said...

Ah. . . this brings back memories of a house full of teenage boys.

There were many things I heard when they thought I had long been in bed asleep. . . including those pool side comments about the girls.

It was a journey and I miss it terribly! Those boys added so much to our lives! Even when we thought they were taking years off us.

Love you friend!