There’s an elephant in the room.
Let’s be honest.
I try to cover it in glitter, or funny stories about Frank, but the elephant is here in the room nonetheless.
And her name is divorce.
Most of you know I am in the middle of a painful, horrible divorce. We intended, or at least I thought we intended, to handle it like adults. We have three amazing children, who will always have two parents, and while we all have good intentions, divorce is ugly. I said from the beginning to Tightwad, that we will be their parents when the kids grow up, get married and have their OWN children, and that if we handled this properly all would be well. But divorce is ugly.
It’s just plain ugly.
So, I’ve tried very hard to keep this particular pain behind closed doors and out of this blog. But it hasn’t been easy. And frankly, Bitchy and I had a discussion about it not long ago. I shared with her that I was having a very, very difficult time writing.
“But mom, your blog is like your journal, you HAVE to write about what is happening. That is WHAT you DO. You write about your life- about our lives. You’ve written about everything ELSE for God’s sake! Just do it!”
And I’ve wanted to. I’ve wanted to write about everything that is happening, but I just don’t know how. I’m not sure if I trust what might end up on paper when I’m in a painful and angry state.
I know from experience, that things that go out on the internet are there forever. In fact, I’ve tested that theory MORE THAN ONCE, and yep; it’s true. That means that sometimes you get to re-live your mistakes over and over and over again. What fun.
And so I tread lightly as I open up about this horrible roller coaster.
I am hopeful that we are coming to a place where perhaps we can end this chapter, and move forward in an attempt to repair our separate lives.
And through it all, I am wondering about what my life will look like.
It’s scary as hell. But lately, I am less scared and more hopeful than I have been in a long, long time.
That is what is I spot on the horizon.