101 Ways to shock your mother. (If you can even figure out WHO the mother is...)

The girls and I were sitting around the table the other night, engaged in some kind of heated discussion.  Bitchy stopped suddenly and looked at me.

“Mother,” she said sternly, “Sassy and I have decided that it’s time you started dating.”


"We also decided that you have to join either Match.com or E-harmony.  Also, dinners only- no funny business," she added while wagging her finger at me.

“YEAH!” shouted Sassy. “Nothing crazy.  The last thing I want to do is picture my mother getting it on with somebody.  Ewww.”

That’s funny, cause I tend to think the same thing about THEM. 


lisahgolden said...

It's true! They don't want to think about us, we don't want to think about them. And I got in trouble today for using the word "dick" in front of my 13yo. She told me that she'd prefer I use the word "penis."

"But I was talking about a guy named Dick!" I whined.

Strange days indeed.

Japolina said...

HA! Sassy and bitchy are a hoot! I may need to come up with nicknames for my two boys. How about Grumpy and crazy?

Pseudo said...

They do know that's how they got here, right? : -)

Happy New Year Vodka! May it be a year of onward, upward, joy, and prosperity. xoxo

ChiTown Girl said...


THAT'S some funny shit right there.

In the 15 or so years that the ex and I were apart, my son never knew about a single guy I dated, which was by design. Plus, he was really too young to really think about "that" kind of stuff. Now that his father and I are back together, AND he's 18, I think it grosses him out to even see us kiss. It cracks our asses up, though, so we do it a LOT when he's around. He even makes fun of us when we go out, always making snarky comments about us having a "Date Night." Like Pseudo said, doesn't he know how he got here?

All that being said, I don't think the girls are off-base with this one. Just sayin'....

Gigi said...

Dating after being married forever seems like such a foreign concept; but you'll get back out there when you are ready.

Sue said...

Daughters are SO much fun, now aren't they! I have two, so I understand your pain!!

Take care, Sue

Brian Miller said...

ha, yeah...not a picture i want in my head...of my kids any time soon...

Anonymous said...

Kids! Gotta love 'em... Hope that conversation made you smile :-)

Just Two Chicks said...

Yeah, I don't even want to think about it with either one of my kids!

Match.com, not E-Harmony. A friend of mine was on E-Harmony, and was subjected to a bunch of duds, not even nice guys!

No goofy stuff, AND most important, make sure you meet in a public place, with a friend nearby the first time, and in a public place without the friend, several times before being "alone." People are crazy... yep!

Mellodee said...

If they are concerned about "no funny business", I wonder why they would want you to start dating at all. Or is this just a ploy to get you out of the house so that they can do God knows what without Mom around??? Kids! Ha!

Roshni said...

So, they want you to have a good time but not too much of a good time, eh?!! :D

Scope said...

I'm 100% certain that my 15 year old stepdaughter has no idea that her mom and I get "frisky" from time to time.

That makes us laugh.

And here's to hoping you have some great dates this new year. And don't be too worried about people you meet on the internet. Except Craig's List. That just full of creepers. :-)

Scope said...

But, this is the perfect opportunity to get some skin crawling revenge. Ask them questions like:

- Is it true that now-a-days the 3rd date equals sex?

- I hear tell that it's okay for the woman to bring the protection if she wants to get some, since she shouldn't count on the man to do it.

- Is the "Brazilian" still in style? What is the the trendy new grooming down there?

- Do they make "Control Top" thongs?

After all those years of you having to deal with their "allergy medicine", giving them heart-attacks is only fair.

Anonymous said...

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Are you a parent who has taken in your married son or daughter??
Then we want to hear your story for a new, CLASSY, COMPASSIONATE show for a Major Cable Network.

PLEASE SUBMIT THE FOLLOWING to castings@thecastingfirm.com

Write "Family Project" along with your last name and the city and state that you reside in the subject line of your email.

So. Cal. Gal said...

Then what's the point of dating? *snort*

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