Call me....maybe?

Many of us naively look back upon our youth and think, “Oh, to be young. How wonderful it was back then to fall in and out of love; to look at someone and feel the piercing of Cupid’s Arrow- the pitter-patter of your heart when you’ve met your prince charming of the moment.   It was so great to be unencumbered by the chains of responsibility, regret, pain, loss or horrible credit.

When I reach back into the recesses of my heart I can still feel the sun on my shoulders and hear the joyous laughter of my friends as we made our way through our youth relatively unscathed.

And then I remember.   

It did hurt.

If I sit quietly and reflect with fierce resolve, I can remember the painful moments of sitting by the phone waiting for the call that never came.  I remember sitting at home, grounded, and realizing that Johnny Be Goode (who I only really loved from AFAR but was sure that he must KNOW that we were destined to be together) was probably at the huge party flirting, laughing and falling in love with some other fair-haired shapely young woman who was not grounded.

My heart remembers how it felt to be broken apart by a friend who may or may not have decided that she liked the cute boy you secretly loved, and while she might have pretended to be helping you get together with him it was she who ended up locked in a steamy embrace with said boy.

Oh the dating days of youth. 

Dating with the body of a fifty-year old woman is hard enough- but stuffed inside of that somewhat wrinkled and tarnished body is the unfortunate heart and emotion of a 16 year-old.   

Damn it all to hell. 

It’s been hard to remind myself what “dating” actually means.

Supposedly, and logically, it means that you go to dinner, have a lovely time, and go about your business.   It does NOT mean that you wait by the phone 24 hours a day, check your text messages 100 hours a day, or make up crazy reasons why the person can’t possibly reach you.

And so I am laughing at myself as I find my way down this awkward, fun, crazy, somewhat familiar path.  I will try to remember the advice I give my girls- the advice I never followed when I was young, and that is this:  You have to live YOUR life, respect and love YOURSELF, and then if the time and the person is right, love will find you.

And it will not be the jealous, hurtful, angry, ugly, painful love.


It will, I’m sure, finally be glorious.


Brian Miller said...

VM you know you are a catch...
and it will be glorious...
enjoy the road til you get there...

Gigi said...

Oh sure there were SOME things I wouldn't mind re-living (like being thin, cellulite-free and unlined) but for the most part? You couldn't pay me to go back to those days. They were hard. Now? Now, I know who I am and what I expect/deserve and I won't take anything less. And neither should you. And when it does happen; it WILL be glorious. xo

Scope said...

If I can ever serve as a good example, it's with this.

If it can happen for a goof like me, it can surely happen to a great gal like yourself.

CLR said...

I am witnessing this with a dear friend of mine. Divorced many years and just waiting. When she finally had just decided to settle into a routine of life without someone, along comes someone. And he has completely turned her world upside down. In a good way.

Hang in there, and hugs to you.

SkylersDad said...

The quote you posted sums it up perfectly. You are the prize. You are the one worth waiting for, not him. And when the right guy comes along, the one who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, it will be magic.

Anna Whiston-Donaldson said...

Amen,Sister! And you ARE a PRIZE.

As Cape Cod Turns said...

You are a prize :) And you are right, when it happens it will be absolutely amazing. I waited 3 1/2 years and once I started believing that I was the prize and worth so much more than I thought, I won a prize. And he makes me believe that I am beautiful, smart, funny and we have conversations and laugh together. Something so great shouldn't be novel, but it is :) Hang in there!!

Unknown said...

What you were grounded ? Knowing you back then I am sure it was with it. Keep the faith kid

Unknown said...

Ok , did not have my glasses on when I typed my post. WHAT I meant to say was; WHY did you do to get grounded in the first place? Knowing you back then I am SURE it was fun ! KEEP HAVING FUN VM.

Unknown said...

Contrary to my last two posts, English is my first language. WHAT did you do to get grounded ?

Vodka Mom said...

Sharon- English is my FIRST LANGUAGE? Jesus I laughed my ass off.

And the grounding MAY or may NOT have involved sneaking out of the house while leaving the shower running and the bathroom door locked.

Or not.

Thornton Berry Shire Press said...

Hey, I'm getting married for the first time in my life and I'm 57...and yes, I'm wearing a "real" wedding dress! And let me tell you, talk about the wrinkled body..it doesn't matter..although I won't have bridesmaids as it was a bit more challenging to put a 60 something woman into a bridesmaid dress, ha!...but it's all good..I'm beyond excited and I'm here to tell you it can happen at any age.
and ps. I met this man through blogging, during owoh...so, he could be anywhere, just take the time to be with you and okay with that, then everything else will fall into place...I promise! xox june

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