7/10/13

Plenty of Sardines (aka Dating in the crazy pool…)



Dear founders of the incredible (and free) dating site that I’ve decided to rename “Plenty of Sardines”:

While many of us single, older women appreciate the opportunity to go “fishing” on your site for free, we’d like to request that you provide a tiny bit of a screening process for the matches that you send us each morning.    

Sure, we like to think we’re open-minded, but just because we’re in our fifties and our clocks are banging away in the drawer (I’m pretty sure it’s a clock), it doesn’t mean we’re desperate. 

Let me clarify for a moment. 

I’ve received emails from many interested, somewhat eligible bachelors. While most of the messages are fairly easy to decipher, some subscribers clearly haven’t finished the fourth grade.  As a teacher, I know the “must know” spelling words for fourth grade. With that in mind, I’d like to recommend a “spell check” feature for your (free) site.

At the end of my original profile, I simply added that I was looking for “a nice man with high moral standards”.

As of today, another single friend and I have both changed the requirements on our profiles to read as follows:

You must NOT be married.  We repeat- NOT MARRIED.
You must have a job… and ALL your teeth. J. O.  B.  
You must have your own vehicle, because no, we will not come to your house or your ex-wife’s house (where you are still living because you don’t have a job) to pick you up.  We have some standards, believe it or not.
You must not currently be in jail or on a sex-offenders list. Yes, we do know how to use Google.
You must provide a picture of yourself on your profile. (It’s only fair.)  We recommend that you do not pose with your dog, cat, fish, sledgehammer,  large-mouthed bass, horse, cow, parrot or a Beluga Whale.  (Trust us on this one.) 





So, while this might limit the pool of sardines, we’re optimistic that these changes will help us find our true loves.


You’re welcome; we can’t wait to see the improvements.




Best regards,

Two fairly hot, slightly used, optimistic fifty year-old fish waiting to be hooked.  (Just make sure your clients use the proper bait. )







32 comments:

Japolina said...

HA! Hopefully there is a prince there among those frogs will teeth and a job!

Eric Singel said...

High MORALE standards? Srsly?

Mocadeaux said...

I think you could write a long and hilarious BOOK of your dating adventures.
A job AND teeth AND a car...that's a pretty high bar you are setting!

Linda M. said...

Too funny!!! I love your additional comments & look forward to seeing what they brings.

I, too, vote for a book!

alissa said...

I used okcupid to find my husband. .. had to wade through a lot of creepers-it's almost an artform after awhile to be able to spot the warning signs right away!

Kirsten said...

I shared this post with a friend who is active on dating sites..she wanted to add this: "if you are young enough to be my child, I don't want another. And if you are old enough to be my father not interested in that either."

Gigi said...

I can only imagine the sardines you've run across. Here's hoping you both find that prince!

Scope said...

You know the best part of fishing?

Sitting in the boat, drinking the beer!

And to be clear, that mean the guy's photo can have him, shirtless, posing with his car/boat/jet ski?

SkylersDad said...

Hmmmm, a job *and* all his teeth?

;^)

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Yes! like that's asking a lot...

Sue said...

I so LOVE your reference to the "clock banging away in the drawer"! I'm still LMAO! Have a great day my friend. . .

Sue

Kristy @Loveandblasphemy said...

I have now experienced Internet dating - it is so hard! You have to be mentally tough for it, I tell ya.

Mimi Lenox said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mimi Lenox said...

Oh oh OH OH OH! Visit my agony here
http://profileoftheday.blogspot.com

Get OUT of the shark pond. I repeat. Get OUT of that pond.

(and I know from personal experience that you are not even exaggerating. Much.)

Heather said...

I've also used this site and have been lucky enough to meet 2 great guys but unfortunately not "the one". I think my favorite message was from a guy who in his profile said he does not have a car but "likes to walk and has a GPS". I can't remember exactly what his message said but he did not leave near me so I told him I wasn't interested in a long distance relationship. Oh and my other favorite was the guy who sent me a message asking if I wanted a foot rub. YIKES!!!!!!!

Elizabeth J. Neal said...

Two fairly hot, slightly used, optimistic fifty year-old fish waiting to be hooked. (Just make sure your clients use the proper bait. ) womensdatingtips.com

Elizabeth J. Neal said...

Sure, we like to think we’re open-minded, but just because we’re in our fifties and our clocks are banging away in the drawer (I’m pretty sure it’s a clock), it doesn’t mean we’re desperate. Free Chat

Elizabeth J. Neal said...

At the end of my original profile, I simply added that I was looking for “a nice man with high moral standards”. free memorial website

Elizabeth J. Neal said...

Sure, we like to think we’re open-minded, but just because we’re in our fifties and our clocks are banging away in the drawer (I’m pretty sure it’s a clock), it doesn’t mean we’re desperate. Filtered Review

jowdjbrown said...

Sure, we like to think we’re open-minded, but just because we’re in our fifties and our clocks are banging away in the drawer (I’m pretty sure it’s a clock), it doesn’t mean we’re desperate. http://getthegirl.guru

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While many of us single, older women appreciate the opportunity to go “fishing” on your site for free, we’d like to request that you provide a tiny bit of a screening process for the matches that you send us each morning. dating

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