Dear founders of the incredible (and free) dating site that
I’ve decided to rename “Plenty of Sardines”:
While many of us single, older women appreciate the
opportunity to go “fishing” on your site for free, we’d like to request that
you provide a tiny bit of a screening process for the matches that you send us
each morning.
Sure, we like to think we’re open-minded, but just because
we’re in our fifties and our clocks are banging away in the drawer (I’m pretty
sure it’s a clock), it doesn’t mean we’re desperate.
Let me clarify for a moment.
I’ve received emails from many interested, somewhat eligible bachelors. While most
of the messages are fairly easy to decipher, some subscribers clearly haven’t
finished the fourth grade. As a
teacher, I know the “must know” spelling words for fourth grade. With that in
mind, I’d like to recommend a “spell check” feature for your (free) site.
At the end of my original profile, I simply added that I was
looking for “a nice man with high moral standards”.
As of today, another single friend and I have both changed
the requirements on our profiles to read as follows:
You must NOT be
married. We repeat- NOT MARRIED.
You must have a job…
and ALL your teeth. J. O. B.
You must have your own
vehicle, because no, we will not come to your house or your ex-wife’s house (where you are still
living because you don’t have a job) to pick you up. We have some standards, believe it or not.
You must not currently
be in jail or on a sex-offenders list. Yes, we do know how to use Google.
You must provide a
picture of yourself on your profile. (It’s only fair.) We recommend that you do not pose with
your dog, cat, fish, sledgehammer, large-mouthed bass, horse, cow, parrot or a Beluga Whale. (Trust
us on this one.)
So, while this might limit the pool of sardines, we’re
optimistic that these changes will help us find our true loves.
You’re welcome; we can’t wait to see the improvements.
Best regards,
Two fairly hot, slightly used, optimistic fifty year-old fish
waiting to be hooked. (Just make
sure your clients use the proper bait. )
