8/31/13

Note to all dates- memorize your profile before going on a date...(Do I smell sardines?)



I’m in a very, very good place.

And, because of that, I am having a great time accepting offers to meet new people. 

And also, because I’m a lifelong learner, I am learning more and more about human nature and people in general.  (i.e., women aren’t the only ones who are stupid.)

I replied to an email from someone on Plenty of Sardines.  I was hopeful, because not only did this particular gentleman, JOE,  live in Smythe, OREGON, but he was close to my age (a year YOUNGER), attractive, and had a pretty impressive resume.

We spoke several times on the telephone, and granted I couldn’t get a word in edgewise,  but at least he was interesting to listen to and had some fascinating stories to tell.

I agreed to go with Joe for a drink, and also accepted his offer to pick me up.  (I know, I know….)  

It was after 9, and dark when he pulled up, and even under the cloak of darkness I could see that he was driving a white Cadillac.  He sat in the seat and gestured for me to get in. 

Strike One.

I opened the door and bent down to greet Joe.  I almost fell over when I realized that he was at LEAST 10 or 15 years older than the picture he had on his profile.  

Strike Two.

I wanted to say, “Are you Joe’s DAD?”, but I smiled and said “Hi!”  and then looked at the front passenger seat.  While the seat was clean, the floor upon which I was supposed to place my feet was littered with fast food napkins, unopened mail, and a few unopened, flat brown bags.

Strike Three.

Against my better judgment, and because apparently I can't COUNT, I hopped in and went three blocks to the local watering hole and had a cocktail with Joe’s Dad.  About 30 minutes later I  asked to be taken home.

“It’s been such a long day, and I am completely exhausted.” I said.

He drove me home pushing the gas and hitting the brakes simultaneously, which only solidified my vow of NEVER allowing anyone else to pick me up at the house again.

Before I got out of the car he said, “I hope we can see each other again!  But you are probably looking for someone your age, or younger than you.  Right?”

I looked at him.   “Well, JOE, I thought you WERE younger than me?”


His eyes widened.   “Um….oh Yeah!  That’s right!  I’m, uh, I’m 52!”


Strike ONE HUNDRED.

I thanked him, opened the car door (myself) and ran to my house.   Then after securing the locks and fixing another cocktail, I reminded myself that it only takes THREE strikes to make an out.



Silly, silly me.

12 comments:

Anna See said...

Wow! Live and learn! xo

ChiTown Girl said...

Oh, my....

I'm sorry to be laughing at this, but, come ON! What the hell is wrong with some people!!?? I'm glad you have such a healthy attitude about this stuff, and that you can find the humor in these moments.

xoxox

Suzan Sweatman said...

LMHO - that's too hilarious!
I come by often - haven't commented but this made me laugh out loud -
And good for you for being so brave -
I figure everyone I haven't met is a raping murderer LOL........
OXXO

Brian Miller said...

dude...if you are going to lie from the start what can i expect later....at least you can laugh at him...

Sheila said...

Some of the ads are incredible and the expectations are outrageous!
I make "lemonade" dates...some last longer but he is a lemon and it isn't going well, I drink my lemonade and RUN!

Japolina said...

At least it made for a good and funny blog post right? Even I pick up the garbage on my car floors if I'm picking anyone up!

DJan said...

I hope he doesn't become a problem. What a loser! Sorry for being so... truthful! :-)

Jenny Hart Boren said...

I agreed to a set-up last night with some friends and although the 'settee' was nice, another 'non-settee' pal was even nicer and much more my type. Of course he would be the one visiting from Portland! (Hours from here!) I also was sporting my liberal-democrat-feminist hat which thins the herd considerably.

At least you (1) were reminded never to take rides from strangers, and (2) blog fodder! Everything is copy.

Kathy W said...

LOL There should be a blog just about bad dates from the internet. I met one guy for a drink, and he proceeded to show me how much of an alcoholic he was. Yikes!

Scope said...

Joe's Dad: Dude! Straighten up and fly right.

Ellie Mae said...

YIKES!!! I cannot stand the dirty car either! I had a blind date who picked me up in a filthy car: dirty on the outside, cigarette ashes filling the ash tray, hadn't been vacuumed-ever it seemed, trash, etc. Then he insisted we drive to the big city 2 hours away instead of just going to a local restaurant. After about 15 minutes of driving, I told him to take me home. He did and that was that. I recall this and think, "What an idiot you were to get into that car!"

And how rude to just sit in the car! You deserve better for sure.

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