Things I learned from posting about things I WANT to learn from others in the same boat about dating. (aka Put up the umbrella, cause some people love to throw crap at you.)

Yes, I posted ONCE AGAIN about being a single fifty-something woman hoping to find love and also wanting some advice.  I really just wanted suggestions; ideas; protocol advice.

Big Mistake.

So, here are the FIVE most INCREDIBLE things I learned from that now DELETED (twice) post.

5.  I was informed that men just LOVE a 50-year old woman who appears desperate for love.  Apparently there’s nothing more attractive than a woman desperate for love. 

4.  I should join clubs, take classes and spend money I don’t have on ways to keep me around men who might actually want a desperate 50 year-old woman panting for love.

3.  People who have been happily married for years are apparently experts on what to do when you are a single, fifty some year-old desperate woman.

2.  I get my feelings hurt easily.

1.  The number one thing I learned?   Don’t ever write again asking for dating advice if you’re hoping to find a companion to laugh with, hike with, travel with, talk with, cry with or have fun with.  People might mistakenly think you’re desperate.


#1Nana said...

I'm almost afraid to leave a comment in case my last one was insensitive. I still think you're great and it will happen, and I bet it sucks big time now. I was in the hardware store on Monday and it was filled with men...handy men who fix things. How about a summer job at the hardware store? Or, better yet, say fuck it and work on your tan...all free options. It will get better. Have faith. If nothing else, we all enjoy reading about it!

Vodka Mom said...

No Nana!! I'm just incredibly sensitive right now, and just forgot that I should be WHINY. I really wanted advice, and the post came off a bit too strong before. I'm happy where I am, and am not looking anymore. While I have a HOPE of love, I am not waiting for it.

I am finding happiness in my own back yard.

Or at least I'm trying.

Kary said...

People can be such turds...unfortunately I'm one of the married people who has no idea how to help, but I wish you the best and thanks for your clever posts :)

Vodka Mom said...

Kary- that's okay!! Apparently I can be a turd as well...

and frankly, you might have the best advice of all....feel free to share.

Gigi said...

Oh! And this is the reason for the tweet I just responded to...

Sorry, I have no advice. But, I think, that advice is useless as love happens without rhyme or reason; no matter the advice. And continue (listen to me preaching to the one who has always said it best) be open to what the future holds. Sure, there are plenty of toads but eventually there will be a prince.

I will say this - neither post came off as "desperate" to me.


Joanna Jenkins said...

I got nothing, VM.
All I can say is you are awesome.
xo jj

Unknown said...

Fuck'em and feed'em beans.

Scope said...

I can empathize. I was at the, "oh, I give up stage" when lightening struck.

And you're not "desperate", you're "eager".

CLR said...

Ohmygosh.....bless your heart! (okay, yes, we DO say that in the South, for real). I am a gal, married for quite some time and I KNOW to shut my trap on things of the dating nature!

Wishing you peace and best and I hate you got your feelings hurt! Stupid social media. It makes everybody experts and 'bossypants'.

Japolina said...

I don't remember what I wrote but I apologize if it was insensitive. I have been married for 20 years and I truly have no idea what it is like to date as an "adult".
When I met my husband we were young and dumb. I doubt that if I met him today that I would even go out on the first date as we are opposites.

The anonymity of the internet makes people a-holes sometimes. Enjoy your summer!

One crazed mommy said...

I didn't see the deleted post, and I don't have any good advice...I'm 40 and married, so it's been while since I've been single. However, I have a few close friends who are in your boat - again no good advice, but to enjoy life - don't wait for anyone...if it's meant to be, it will happen - but we can't rush it. :( I'm so sorry for the hurtful comments - I wish you the best in finding someone you can grow old with - we all want that in life, and there is nothing wrong (or desperate) in wanting it! Hugs!!

Squire McGuire said...

Expect the unexpected when you least expect it...pretty sure that was a movie tagline or something..so yeah, I got nuttin. :)

cath young said...

Aw. I love your blog, your writing, and most of your life, and I think I'd love to meet you too. So I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. It is tough pickings out there because as you get older, there are fewer folks out there available to "date". That alone is big factor. Just the natural numbers. So, I acknowledge fully that this is a tough go. A lot of luck comes into this too. Don't want to make you feel bad, so I'll leave at that, and to say, I think that anyone who ends up with you as a friend, and more is a lucky person.

Vodka Mom said...

Cath- I wish I wasn't such a wuss. It's a crazy life- but I needed a reminder that each day is a gift and I need to rejoice in it. Thank you for the kind and thoughtful words...

and damn to the slimming of the herd.

Marissa said...

VM....I don't give advice because I hated advice when I was single...my grandmother once told me to hang around the local laundromat to meet men.

I told her I preferred to meet a man who could afford to own his own washer and dryer (the poor thing meant well, but she never replaced my grandfather because she learned the joys of having control over the remote and a toilet seat that stays down)

hugs...and if I find a hot male who cooks, cleans, and has permanent laryngitis, I'll send him your way.

A&W said...

I also found myself single in my 50's and I was told by a dear friend "you will never get a man to date you because men only like needy women" and I am not needy. I was merely looking for someone who took responsibility for himself as I do for myself. Someone to have fun with and share some adventures. I told my friend - "I am interested in a man who is confident in himself and doesn't need to boost his self esteem by feeling like he is rescuing a woman". I had done a lot of work to ensure I was well balanced before dating and I wanted someone who was also balanced - or I was ready to enjoy my single life into eternity.

3 years later, I actually took a 2 hour class about how to create your future and we had to choose 1 area in our lives that we felt needed a little focus. Mine was dating as I was petrified of repeating my past. I learned from the workshop that I did not trust myself AT ALL in this 1 area and I had been telling myself that I wasn't capable of choosing or attracting a good man. Well ... After this 2 hours I realized how stupid that was and how that one lie I continued to tell myself was paralyzingly my dating ability. So.... I told myself positive affirmations and said to myself that I CAN attract men like myself just as I had found success in my career and other relationships - I knew then that I also could find success in dating.

Shockingly, within a few days I was able to write down the qualities I was seeking in new dating relationships. I wasn't looking at all but had my list posted at home, and within a couple of weeks - he appeared out of nowhere.

It seemed very fast but it felt right and I was open to new possibilities and I am happy to say that after 16 months it is only getting better. While my journey was progressing well as it was, it is enjoyable to share life with a good person by my side.

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