The things I did yesterday? Well, let’s see if I can give a quick recap.
First, I made a little trip to McDonald’s for a greasy cheeseburger after hearing Sassy driving the great white porcelain bus in the bathroom. It appears that Sassy caught a “stomach virus” from a fella she met at her social gathering on Saturday night. I think his name was Daniels; yeah, and his first name was Jack. (I might have been born at night, but it wasn’t LAST night. And p.s., if Vodkamom can’t smell a hangover a mile away, she had better change her name.) Moms know lots of things, and Mom’s of TEENS know even more. The “having a teen” thing is what TAUGHT me what a hangover was. Sheesh.
Then, I spent a half an hour cleaning up MUD, leaves and what I THINK was a large spider that Golden Boy and the neighbor kids managed to track through my NEW downstairs bedroom (that’s nearly complete after eight years under construction) after managing to pry open the window that was supposedly burglar-proof. (Note to window manufacturer: If three fairly STUPID and filthy 11 year-old boys can open the damn window, so can Jack the Ripper.) And if I could RUN faster, their #**@* would be so sore right now.
Third, apparently Bitchy didn’t get the message that moms try NOT to clean on Mother’s Day, and managed to convince me to not only clean out the (God-awful) refrigerator with her, but the linen closet and the laundry room as well. WHY am I such an easy target? WHY? I also managed to fold only two loads of laundry- cause heaven FORBID I miss a day of THAT.
Fourth, and certainly not the least important, Tightwad had to work for the billionth day in a row. While it is doing wonders for paying those bills we’ve been ignoring for, oh, say about a year, it put a bit of a damper on my kid yelling. They don’t take me quite as seriously when the fairly huge Tightwad isn’t standing right behind me. (Apparently I’m a five foot-one inch wussie.)
All in all you know what kind of Mother’s Day it was? YOU WANT TO KNOW?
It was perfect. Absolutely, incredibly, stinking P.E.R.F.E.C.T.
