1. If your accident-prone husband tries to clean the house with a large pumping spray bottle filled with Greased Lightning, bad things will probably happen. These things MIGHT involve an explosion; chemicals entering all openings in husband's face; and a two-hour visit to the ER which conveniently coincides with the FINALE of the ONE show that you loved. (And Lost.)
2. When a bottle of chemicals says “Seek medical attention if this comes in contact with your face” you SHOULD. (But don't bring your wife. She'll only be bored.)
3. The check-in clerk in the ER knows my name. (Probably not a good sign. However, they were all making bets that it involved an exacto knife.)
4. Baby groundhogs do not run very fast even when being chased by two loud, barking dogs who will eat anything. Any I mean anything. (I’m still a bit nauseous.)
5. When your sister mentions the word biopsy and suspicious in one sentence, you can make a 7-hour trip to New England in 6.
6. Eleven-year old boys never, never, never shut up.
