By the 5th grade I knew I was not popular. Because when we were studying pioneer days, I had to choose a name from that era for a play we were doing and couldn't think of one. Excuse me but how would I know the names they used in pioneer days if I wasn't there?
"Suzy, what name have you chosen?"
(LEAVE ME ALONE LADY)
"Didn't you do your homework?"
(I DON’T HAVE A NAME SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?)
"Class, does anyone have a name for Suzy?
(MRS. ROWLAND I HOPE YOU CAN'T PAY YOUR MORTGAGE EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS BUT DAD SAID IT WAS BAD)
"I have a name."
(OH GREAT, THE MEANEST GIRL IN SCHOOL HAS A NAME FOR ME)
"Let's hear it."
"Chastity."
The entire class burst out laughing. I laughed too even though I had no idea why. Maybe Chastity meant 'has buck teeth' or 'stupid permanent didn’t work.' Then yes, it was funny.
I went home and looked Chastity up in the dictionary:
The state of abstaining from sexual intercourse outside of marriage; avoidance of sexual sins; the quality of being chaste; moral purity.
I WAS IN THE FIFTH GRADE.
So I did the class play and answered to the name Chastity and knew that if I had been a popular girl I would have gotten the name Faith or Hope or Charity because all the popular girls got those names.
When Cher named her firstborn Chastity I felt vindicated. Although I recently Googled the name and found this:
Chastity is the first soundtrack album by American singer-actress Cher, released on June 1969 by Atco. It was released to promote and accompany the 1969 motion picture, Chastity. The album was a commercial failure.
I can't win.
