It’s hard sometimes to imagine what your life will be after
a divorce.
It’s such an incredibly traumatic event, that frankly it’s hard to imagine each day what the very next day will be like.
The events that lead up to such a difficult and painful
decision are so very different from one person to the next. I’m sure that for most people, the
effects that a divorce will have on others is almost as important as the
many reasons for the divorce in the first place. Almost, but not quite.
But again, it’s so hard to imagine what your life will be
like after a divorce.
I don’t think I had the strength to imagine who I would be
on the after side, but I’m pretty sure I was hopeful. I’m pretty sure I was hoping that I would still live on the
sunny side of life. I hoped I would still be able to wake up each morning
excited for the day and happy to go to work. I know I hoped I would still have a grateful heart, a job I
loved, amazing friends and my precious children.
I also know I was hoping that I would still be
laughing. I wanted to still enjoy
those spontaneous laughs that you share with people you love- the kind of laughs
that cause you to cross your legs, wipe your eyes and hiccup at the very end.
I wasn’t asking for much from this whole life-changing, hard fought,
traumatic event. But ultimately, in the end, I
wanted to have myself back.
But we know that in the real world we really don’t always
get all that what we want.
Yes, I feel that I am putting together the pieces of my
life, my heart and my soul. But
the fallout of this battle has imbedded some emotional shrapnel in places and
people I never expected.
So now when I go to bed at night and when I wake up each day
I say my prayers of gratitude and of hope.
I am so very grateful to have a happy life, to be standing
tall supporting myself and perhaps only one or two others. I am grateful for my
true friends who have held my hands and whispered words of love and encouragement
in my ear throughout this journey. I am grateful to have found an amazing
partner who lifts me up every day and shows me how life is really meant to be
lived. I am grateful that Bitchy has spread her wings and is living the life
that I always hoped that she would. I am so grateful that my children are
healthy.
And then I say my
prayers of hope.
I hope that The Golden Boy will continue to be an amazing
young man - but that he realizes the only
person he should be taking care of is himself. I hope that I am healthy
enough to live many, many more days on this planet. I hope that I remember that
each day is a gift, that we cannot change anyone but ourselves and a true
honest-to-God belly laugh is the very best cure for things that ail.
And I hope, with all my might, that Sassy will find her way
back to her mother.
This life I have right now is not the life I would have imagined I would be living. No, it’s much, much more! I think, perhaps, because I didn’t
imagine it at all...
