5/28/09

How to Gross our your Daughter


Last night’s conversation with Bitchy (18); keep in mind, I had a COMPLETE hysterectomy last summer, but that’s another blog entirely.

Me: I’m feeling a little crampy, or something. It’s weird.

Bitchy: How can that happen? You don’t have a vagina.

Me: Honey, it was my uterus they took. I have a vagina, and believe me, it still works. Just ask your dad.

Bitchy: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww (running away screaming.)


Ha. I just love to gross her out.





160 comments:

A. K. said...

This is hilarious.

Evil Twin Sister said...

That's disgusting!
No, not the post. That's funny.

I just looked down, and you have

SEVEN HUNDRED NINETY-SEVEN followers!!!

Holy hell woman!

Me, Amplified said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Best.Conversation.Ever

WeaselMomma said...

Classic and cruel, I love it!
She really stepped in it this time.

Mum Gone Mad said...

Lol, very good, guaranteed to disturb 'em!

Jan said...

Yup - mention you have a sex life and they run screaming from the room.

Well, it works for me, anyway.

Tammy Howard said...

BWAH!!!

Everyone knows moms don't have sex... Well, maybe once or twice to reproduce, but they sure don't LIKE it...

Annabelle said...

Haha oh my gosh VM! HAhahhahhahaha her reaction was definitely one I'd have if my mum said that to me! Hahahhaha you made me LOL (I never write lol unless I'm actually lolling!) Always great for a laugh.

The Peach Tart said...

Hilarious...this reminds me of a similar conversation with my daughter a few years back while riding in a car and she was so grossed out she jumped over the front seat into the back

Barry said...

Nice to know there is still a way to reach teens!

Alix said...

Brilliant! Now if we could only find a way to have that conversation at the breakfast table. Exxxtra gross points!

dizzblnd said...

It is a lot of fun isn't it? Hell all we have to do is start kissing and my 18 year old is grossed out.

JackiesMagic said...

Lordy! You do have 797 followers. I THOUGHT I WAS UP EARLY!! Do you people sleep??

I had a hysterectomy Jan 5th this year. My 15 yr old.. had taken a pix of my belly button and drawn a smiley face on it.. Just last night she showed me on her cell phone, how she will look at that when she's blue..

I have crampy issues, too. Monthly still. Explain that! The doctor can't.

Oh.. At least you have a hubby that knows (and I'm laughing out loud right now at what exactly you meant by ...) .."it still works. Just ask your dad."

I know mine still works.. Just ask Gigi over at Lelo.com OMG!! Can't believe I said that!!!

God bless the good dad who knows that 'it' works! Does he have a brother?

JackiesMagic said...

Oh.. Also, the belly button pix serves as a reminder/distraction of the abdominal incision a few inches below it -that GROSSES her out.

Middle Aged Woman said...

Excellent work. You may consider yourself done for the week.

Gaston Studio said...

LOL!!
Bitchy just doesn't realize how the free material she's collecting for when she has teens!

Cora said...

Ha ha! Yep, that'll do it! :-)

Rick Daley said...

Behold the power of pussy.

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

797, 798, 799, 800... Now how in the heck did you manage to get all those followers? Amazingly wonderful!!

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

Frau said...

You are a girl after my own heart! Nothing is more fun then grossing out the teens!

PurestGreen said...

Utterly hilarious. Once when I was small (and a complete tomboy) I asked my grandmother why women had to have breasts (I think I used the term "boobs"). I was just hitting purberty and considering my grandmother's ample chest, I was already annoyed. "They are there to feed babies," she said me, to which I immediately demanded to know why they weren't just cut off after they weren't needed anymore. My grandmother laughed.

Marci said...

OMG--I am cracking up! Very, very funny stuff~

Carolyn...Online said...

Ewww. Blushing and hiding eyes. I'm with Bitchy.

Bobbi said...

I'm 34 years old and MY parents still tell me stuff like that!

Old people sex is way worse!

Tracie said...

Love It!!

Mrs. E said...

She so deserves it!! So much fun, after they have been grossing us out for years!!

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

Priceless....

Dana's Brain said...

Awesome. I can't wait for those "embarrass your kid" years!

Lucia said...

OMG...laughed right out loud in the office, everyone staring....good one!

Joanie M said...

I love it!

My older daughter and I have an unspoken deal. I pretend she's not having sex and she pretends I'm not either. (and I bet I'm having more than she is! heheheh)

Lorraine said...

So glad I'm not the only one. Had a conversation with my daughter and her friend while shoe shopping two weeks ago. The friend was commenting on dd's feet being much smaller than mine. She told her friend she took after her father and I had to add that it's really not true what they say about the size of a man's foot. THe girls are 26 and still were grossed out. You just have to do that sometimes!

Randomly Elly said...

That is too funny!!! right now my daughter gives me the "look" if I mention "boobies" - yup...she finally got some!!! {what is sad..she will probably have a better rack than mine!!}

LOVE YOUR POSTS!!!

Mrs. D said...

Rick, LOL.... you kill me.

And Debbie, I bet they are phantom menstrual cramps, like when you get a leg amputated. Really!

Midwest Mommy said...

lol, that's great!!!

we_be_toys said...

LOL!!! Baby, I love you!

Mango Girl said...

Fabulous! Simply FABULOUS!!!!

Rebecca Welch said...

this post =full of win!

DouglasDyer said...

Hey, I gross my 18 year old daughter out with parental sex talk too and I don't have a uterus either! Small world!

Maureen at IslandRoar said...

She soo deserved that.
Throwing in some stray comment about a vibrator works also...

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

NICE! Doesn't top when I walked into my mom's room (I was about 16) and saw a condom wrapper thrown hurriedly onto the middle of the floor.

"At least we're being safe" my mom said.

Ewwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!

for a different kind of girl said...

ha! perfection! it's why we have kids!

Janet said...

"You don't have a vagina"!?!?! OH MY GOD, I'm dying!! HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

kimmirich said...

Lol, that is too funny! Poor child, I have one of those 18 yr.olds too! ; )

WhisperingWriter said...

Haha.

Yup, I still freak out if Mom mentions sex with my Dad. One time I found KY Jelly sitting on her dresser and I about gagged.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

tell her you didn't have a vaginaectomy! this is too funny!

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

tell her ferme la bouch! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ps

Sue said...

Totally awesome!

JC said...

I have a 19 year old ... I know all too well how they can be.

blognut said...

I absolutely adore grossing out my teenage daughters (15 & 16).

My concern is that it will ultimately cost me a fortune in therapy for them.

kk said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

♥ Braja said...

Hilarious. Totally.

Though admittedly I'm SERIOUSLY CONCERNED about her freakin' BIOLOGY education...WTF?????

American in Norway said...

OMG... love it... I would totally say something like that... but if my MOM said that? I think I would have to throw up a little bit...

Always Home and Uncool said...

You entertain and frighten me with your candor. Well done.

LPC said...

You and her are now even.

Sandee said...

Excellent. Bwahahahahaha. That's a great big GROSS for an 18-year-old.

Have a terrific day. :)

Suzy said...

I don't think I have a vagina. I have to look. Be right back.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I'm with you. Especially when they come barging in unannounced.

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Oh, Vodka Mom ... you're bad. That's hysterical!

Crazy K said...

you just made my whole freakin' day...for real. MY.WHOLE.DAY.

SassyTwoSocks said...

Don't they still teach sex-ed to students in high school? I'm pretty s sure I knew the difference between a vagina and a uterus... somehow I suspect she does but just wanted to make some snippy comment to you...

laughingwolf said...

perfect response ;) lol

Crys said...

That is damn funny. There is a definite big difference between a uterus and a vagina. He he

Ananda girl said...

LMAO! My seventeen year old son ran into me in the hall one early morning... I was wearing pants and a bra, but no top yet. He insists that I have brain damaged him for life. Geez... and it wasn't even one of the sexy bras.

Suzy said...

Found it.

Kat said...

Niiiiice! I like your style.

Counselormama said...

I can't wait to gross my kids out! They are too young,but I am going to try to remember that line!

Ann's Rants said...

Love it! Hope you're feeling lighter today.

Moonlight Hollow Musings said...

Teachers have vaginas??? Really? I think I may have been called one a couple of times! :)

Check out my granddaughter's kindergarten graduation picture and post on The Renaissance Chick today! Wish you could have her in your classroom in "Oregon"! :)

Malisa

Wunderwoman said...

Kaching! That's for all the times they gross us out, keep up the good work!

The Gaelic Wife said...

I'll have to remember that one. Thanks for the tip.

Michel said...

ewweee!! You know I don't like talk about bodies or innards!

Angie Ledbetter said...

Guess Mz. B wouldn't be a bit interested in watching you do your Kegels then, hunh? :)

G said...

Yeah, that would do it.

Zip n Tizzy said...

Who does she think she is? Jesus?

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

i, too was spayed. best present i ever gave to myself. just tell her it's like a bat cave now. for batman. :)

and HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

dirty. i love it.

zelzee said...

Don't you love the peace and quiet once they run away from you screaming locking themselves in their bedrooms??

Michele said...

Absolutely perfect!!!

darsden said...

LOL I was here :-))

Musings of the Mrs. said...

Hilarious as usual.

anymommy said...

Fabulous. I love you.

Stones09 said...

Not quite there yet, but looking forward to grossing out my teen in the near future!!!!!

AB HOME INTERIORS said...

Haha time for a martini!

me in the pink said...

OMG!!!! You still have sex??!!!
That must drive your kids crazy!!!

Beth said...

Wait. You have 3 kids. So you've had sex 3 times, right?

A Cheap Chick said...

I love to mess with teenagers...it's what makes them worth having around. And being someone who's gotten rid of three of them and still has a six year old, I will do it all over again. :)

This IS The Fun Part! said...

Split Incision? Ewwwwwwwww!!

I cringe just thinking about it!

It was all Bitchy's fault!

Grannie

Comedy Goddess said...

Does she confuse mastectomy with vasectomy too?

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I'm with Bitchy - that's just WRONG mommy!

I found something while visiting my parents last summer that I really never, ever wanted to know about...so this doesn't change as you get older.

g said...

Ow. My dad passed in 2002 at the age of 78, and in her grief shortly after my mom talked to me about their intimate life in recent years. [nothing weird, pretty mainstream, but private] It was at the same time sweet and touching, but also way TMI.

It was a weird feeling. I was glad to know that they shared such a deep love, but I also really didn't want that in my head.

flutter said...

eeeeeeewwwwuuh! (just like a teenager would say)

Eluciq said...

AWESOME!

and how interesting it would be if hysterectomy=no vagina...hmmm...

kristi said...

Seriously she thought you didn't have a vajayjay anymore? THAT is hilarious!

Annie said...

That is freakin' hilarious!!!!!!! Thanks for the laugh!

Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com said...

LOL!!!

That's got to be the best part of being a parent. I can't wait to gross out my kids =P

tamilyn said...

You. Are. My. Hero!

SweetPeaSurry said...

That is priceless!

Brenda Susan said...

Ha ha ha ha ha aha ha.......... , I can't stop laughing!

Kristen said...

That is fabulous! She so deserved that. Did you tell her you have the pics to prove it?

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Angelia Sims said...

Awesome! I'm using that on my 15yr old. HA.

Cindy @ Chalk it Up! said...

Too funny!

Katherine said...

That's fabulous! Good to know you can still grab her attention!

tattytiara said...

Definitely an asked-for-it.

Karls said...

Always good to be reminded that your parents still get jiggy with it!

gaelikaa said...

Why should it gross them out that we too have a life!

Crystal Escobar said...

haha, that is SOOO funny, I loved your come back.

TheShoppingGirl said...

Just to put this out there...that will gross out your daughter at any age. No kid wants to think about their parents "doing it." That calls for a case of mental floss. Hilarious post though!

cat said...

LOL! I think it is still a bit scary to think yo9ur parents did it.

Elizabeth a.k.a. Type A Mommy said...

You rock, you're hilarious!

Christine said...

Oh yeah...that is a great tip. Bet it works tenfold for our sons. LMAO!

Shelle said...

This is hilarious! I can just picture your daughter running out of the room!

Louise said...

That's hilarious. But really, why does the idea of parents having sex send the teens running for the barf-bucket? After all, if we didn't do it once in a while, they wouldn't be here!

Jen said...

O, that's funny.....I look forward to the day, lol.

Herself said...

Happy SITS day!

Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity said...

Ha! Love it! I look forward to grossing out my kiddies someday. As it is, they get all antsy when hubs and I kiss. Wait until they figure out what else we do.

Mrsbear said...

Bwahahahaha. My teen might have fainted dead away on the spot. She can't even handle it when we kiss close enough for her to hear. Occasionally we stand by her bedroom door and make loud wet smacking sounds, not even actually kissing, just sounds like we're chewing eachother's faces off. Truly cringe inducing.

Your line was classic! I love it.

Although the snort worthy part of that conversation was her thinking they removed your vagina!

Melissa @ Cellulite Investigation said...

She totally deserved that one.

LindyLouMac said...

Visiting you from SITS Congrats on your special day.

Parents never fail to embarass! As one of my daughters would say "Too much information Mum."

InspiredDreamer said...

LOL My first response was also "Eewww!" Guess I was reading as though I were your daughter. Too funny. :)

Have an Extraordinary Day!

The Green Family said...

Love it! It never fails to entertain when we 'enlighten' our children on the way of the world...including our world..imagine that..parents do have life after kids...somewhat! Stopping by from SITS!!

Shana said...

That's AWESOME!!! Totally something my mother would have done to me and I'm sure something I'm going to do to my kids someday!!!

Kari said...

HAHA! I love it! Very funny.

Happy SITS day!

Marie said...

I can see how she got the name "bitchy". ;)

Anti-Supermom said...

So freakin' funny. I remember being 18 too... aren't we all bitchy at that age (for no good reason).

Happy FB day!

Laura said...

That's funny. I wonder why kids find it gross to think of their parents having sex...how do they think they got here.

HAPPY SITS DAY!!

Liz @ the Brambleberry Cottage said...

Isn't it funny how kids today are totally open to hearing about sex...unless it involves their parents?!

~Liz

gringationcancun said...

I'm so gonna use that when I have kids.

I wonder if she ever did ask dad?

Date Girl said...

I think I'm more scared that she thought you didn't have a vagina anymore! Lol, too funny!

glenna said...

There are a few pleasures to having teenagers...grossing them out is one of the best. LOL

Skooks said...

LOL Awesome!

Leiah said...

That will go down in the Rockin' Mom Hall of Fame!

Sara said...

Hahaha, well done.

Heather said...

That is hilarious. Sometimes it's so easy, isn't it?

Stopping by from SITS.

Joann Mannix said...

Oh, so, so awesome!!! And I have a bitchy, 19 year old and I've had a hysterectomy, too. I might just have to set her up somehow and then steal your lines!

Tonya said...

That's hilarious! Great comeback! Happy SITS day!

Wendy (The Local Cook) said...

Happy SITS Day! And yes, that is disgusting LOL. Sounds like something my mom would say (and I'm 32!)

Writer Mommy said...

Classic!

Kearsie said...

Poor uninformed Bitchy.

Alley said...

OMG, that is awesome. I just love it. Yanno, my mom used live to gross me out, and I am looking forward to embarrassing my girls. Hey, it's the whole coming of age thing.

Jenny Brown said...

Too funny........(there's nothing worse than thinking about your parents 'making out!')

Meanbean said...

I am stifling my laughter SO HARD right now (I'm at work, laughter/fun is discouraged)....omg.

BAHAHAHAHAHA I just keep laughing, thinking about the fact that she thought you had your vag removed...LOL

Randa @ The Bewitchin' Kitchen said...

Ugh..if my mom ever said that to me I would die lol. Stopping by from SITS

Chaotic Kristy said...

LOL I can't wait to do these things with my daughter. Well not the hysterectomy part but the grossing out part.

Kim said...

I'm grossed my girls out, um, a time or two ;).

marit said...

that's SO FUNNY!

Young Wife said...

Hee, hee! Score one for mom! Happy SITS Day!

Bea said...

HA HA HA! It's even funnier when you say that stuff to your 18 year old son! (You can really test their gag reflexes that way!)

Cole said...

Hilarious and totally priceless! Happy SITS day!

Christa Terry said...

Oh man, I used to haaaaate it when my parents said things like that.

AmericanTribal said...

Hahahahahahaha!

AWESOME. :)

Kelly Jo @Typing One Handed said...

Nice. I'm so excited to do that to my daughters when they're older!
Happy SITS day, congrats! I was happy to see your name up there.

Lourie said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA! That is hilarious!

Stopping by from SITS

Sharon said...

I am SO looking forward to these kinds of conversations with my daughters. They are only 2 & 7 but still!

Happy SITS day!

Pastor Sharon said...

SO, how much did that cost you in therapy for her? hahaha

I remember telling my Mom she was too old for sex when she was 43.

She looked at me and said, "Honey you never get too old for that."

Yeah. . . great. . . that visual scarred me. . . . $4,000 in therapy sessions later, shock treatments didn't work! hahaha

Sara Plays House said...

Bahahahahaha!
This sounds JUST LIKE something my mom would have said to me at 18.
Her favorite pastime? Bringing up certain sexual acts in front of my husband. Because he turns BEET RED. And then we all laugh. Everyone wins. Except him, I guess.

mom2kmjx2 said...

That was so funny. I love grossing out my kids' out.

Mom of the Twinkies and Tot! said...

I'm sure your daughter will never forget that one! Ha!

Unknown Mami said...

Very funny! She'll get good mileage out of that story one day, too.

Monica said...

I love it!!! I have three boys 21, 19, 17 and one daughter 16 in March...and I am always looking for new ways to gross them out...especially my daughter.

By the way...I had a total hysterectomy 2 years ago...drop me a line sometime...maybe we can share some hotflash stories! lol

Dawn said...

TOO freakin' funny!

Michelle said...

That is awesome!