11/1/09

It's a lockdown...


I feel compelled to take a step back from the humorous vodkamom posts for a minute and talk about what’s happening to our family.

Stalking is serious business. It’s not something to mess with, it’s not something to ignore, and it’s not something to joke about. So joke I won’t.

I feel at this point I should share what steps we have taken as a family to ensure the safety of our darling girl.

First, we went to the police. Sassy shared her story with an amazing police officer that was respectful, empathetic, professional and very, very serious about this case. Frankly, he told us that this young man could be arrested based on all that she shared. (Keep in mind she is 17 – still a minor. This fella is 19 and lives in a town 40 miles away.) It took her a long time, but she tried to record all of the events of the last couple of YEARS and we are delivering it to the police.

As parents, we were shocked about all that she shared, and honestly I feel awful that after all the hints and stories she shared with me that I didn’t pick up on it before her tearful confession. But, that’s water under the bridge.

Then, I DID speak to the principal at her high school. She was amazing and listened to all I had to say. She also made it a point to talk to Sassy and that made me feel good. The Police Officer in the high school (who, in the meantime, had been contacted by the Police Officer in charge of Sassy’s case) also made it a point to talk with her the Monday after we spoke to the police. It turns out that this “fella” has been removed from school property already this year. (shiver)

I also explained the situation to the head coach of her athletic team, and was shocked to learn that another (younger) player had experienced a stalking situation earlier in the year as well. Wow.

We have two loud, barking dogs that I’ve decided I actually love again. Sure, they bark at every animal, person, falling leaf and drive our neighbors and our relatives INSANE. However, with Tightwad away during the week I sleep better knowing that if anyone comes close to the house the dogs bark loud enough to wake the dead.

We are all on edge and snapping at each other left and right. However, I’ve noticed that Sassy is going more places and not skulking around the house. Now that this is in the open and people have circled the wagons to protect her, I can sense a weight has been lifted.

So, we are watching our every move, we are praying it is over - but we are not fooling ourselves. It ain’t over til the fat lady sings.

And I’m not talking about “Five Little Pumpkins”.

Peace be with you.

79 comments:

LadyFi said...

I hope you and yours will find peace. Thanks for letting us all know about the too true horrors of stalking.

Middle Aged Woman said...

If you haven't already done so, you need to give all of your neighbors a picture of this guy. Chances are, they've seen him when you and Sassy haven't. And, please, don't relax your vigilance! I feel like Mad Eye Moody--Constant Vigilance!

IB said...

It's a sad and terrible reality. This happens to young women with alarming frequency. It makes me worry for them and wonder what is happening to our young men. Where are their fathers? Why are they not being raised to respect women? It's tragic on all fronts.

It seems as if you guys have a handle on this and are making the right moves. Stay strong.

smiles4u said...

I am so glad that people are taking this serious. You are wise to keep up the vigilance. It's also good that you are speaking out on this subject so that people can learn from this. Peace to you, your daughter and the rest of your family.

PurestGreen said...

You're doing all the right things. I hope things continue to improve and I am glad that Sassy is still able to feel strong and free enough to go places. I agree with MAW's sentiment regarding sharing a photo of the guy with neighbours, just in case.

only a movie said...

Glad the wagons are circled and she feels safe enough to go out and about... and the broom handle stays in my slider all the time.
Thinking of you and yours.

Not The Rockefellers said...

It is truly a terrifying experience...and it is eye opening to find out how vulnerable we all are. The hardest part is learning how the leave the lockdown and live.
Educate yourself, Take self defense training and I can't stress this enough...lock your damn doors :) check them twice and NEVER leave your car unlocked or alarm off.

Thank you for this!

Peace~Rene

The Queen said...

I was stalked by my ex husband for 20 years. It's not fun.. It's not funny..and you never really get past it..

I'm much safer here and sleep better knowing he can't find me...

Please take care of you loved ones,,and yourself... and the snapping at each other is just the nerves.

You have taken the right steps and sounds like you have good people to work with..

loves and hugs from Kansas
Queenie..

Scope said...

Besides the police, has Sassy informed her social networks (physical and electric) that it's "him or me" and that if anybody sees him lurking around, to let her know?

Sadly, I fear this won't be over until he finds:
a) a new obsession
b) help
c) a prison cell

Glad Smythe, Oregon is a progressive enough place to take this seriously.

Mrs. E said...

I'm so glad that everyone involved is serious about keeping your girl safe. Ten years ago, they might have listened and ignored. Progress!

confused homemaker said...

Glad that a plan is starting to get into place to help her be safe. I agree with Scope on the issue of the social networks, it's important that he not have any connections to her. In addition, to letting neighbors know that there is an issue.

Lori said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lori said...

Sassy's lucky to have great parents who take her seriously.

I'm sure you've realized how "on edge" she's been for the past couple of years having to deal with this creep.

Expat mum said...

Good for you. I don't want to be hearing about this on CNN. Mine was harrassed last night (could have been the teeny Tinkerbell dress) and I nearly went searching for the guy!

Ann On and On... said...

What a serious topic that everyone can learn from. I applaud you and your family for taking all the steps necessary to provide a safe environment for Sassy. You're a great Mom!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

If they said he could be picked up based on what has happened so far..... why didn't they lock him up? Would an arrest just make it worse?

How awful this must be for your daughter to experience during atime of her life that should be fun and realtively carefree. Not to mention the angst that you are going through. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

Angie Ledbetter said...

You've covered all the bases, Good Mom. Soooo glad y'all got the documentation in place. It will be important for conviction if ever needed. Hopefully the authorities will scare the snot out of stalker boy enough to make him stay in his own town, and that'll be that!

I'm loosening up my vocal cords for the final performance... :)

G said...

Wowzers.

Glad to hear that you're taking proactive steps.

Sadly, the only thing that will help that individual is jail, where he can become someone's bitch.

seriously? said...

I am so glad to hear that everyone is taking this so seriously. Take care of your girl and you are teaching her to be strong and confident...two things that will help her always in life. Hang in there....

Maggie May said...

Good job, Momma.

Rick Daley said...

he told us that this young man could be arrested based on all that she shared

So what does it take to turn the could be to was?

CK Lunchbox said...

I'm glad that everyone involved is taking it seriously. We'll continue to pray for her safety.

Shania said...

Having been the victim of a stalker myself, I can certainly understand what's going on. My "friend" actually followed me over state lines, which brought the FBI in on the case. I'm not sure if that's the case here or not, what with her travelling for sports and all, but it's something to keep in mind. Their resources are nothing short of amazing.

I wish you all a quick and easy resolution to this awful situation.

slouchy said...

so frightening. thank you for sharing.

Maggie said...

That is a very frightful thing! Stay safe and aware! I shall be praying for you guys that this will all go away soon!

Kate Lord Brown said...

Dear VM - keep you and yours safe, this is a horrible thing to go through. Experienced something similar at Sassy's age (obsessed ex, death threats, police etc) - and it is your friends and above all family who get you through. (and big barking woofers) x

Secretia said...

The situation is under control now thanks to your consciencious efforts as a responsible and loving parent.

Vodkamom is also GoodMom too!

We should all maintain situational awareness in our lives and we won't be taken advantage of by dangerous people.

A great fall season to you all.

Secretia

Ellie Belen said...

I know you are in prevention mode right now. But consider further preparations just in case such as how will Sassy handle the next encounter IF it happens.

In our self defense classes prevention is our number one objective. Consider reading books on stalking, one I've read is by Linden Gross.

Plus I would naturally advocate for all women, self defense training, not just once, but several sessions. It just gives our daughters tools, tools we hope they will never ever have to use.

American in Norway said...

I amm really sad to hear y'all have to go through this.. so glad it is out in the open so everyone can keep their eyes & ears open. Hang in there mom, I know you have to be so stressed.. Hug

Captain Dumbass said...

Hopefully stalker boy gets the message and disappears.

Snappy Di said...

Hoping they lock the guy up. Glad to hear you have taken strong steps to keep your family safe... especially Sassy.

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

SkylersDad said...

I am so happy the police and your school are taking this seriously.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Has anybody talked to stalker boy's parents? Hopefully they are getting him some help so he doesn't go on like this with someone else...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

ChiTown Girl said...

I agree with the others, let the neighbors in on what's going on, and all of Sassy's friends. I'll be sending good thoughts and prayers for Sassy's safety. Keep up your vigilant work, Momma Bear!

3 Men and a Lady said...

You are a good momma.

I hope everything stays good. It's wonderful to know there are others watching out for her.

Midwest Mommy said...

Do you know this kid's family? Well actually he isn't a kid so there is no excuse. It is so frightening that he hasn't just stopped. Shiver. I hope everything stops and she is safe.

Brian Miller said...

scary stuff. i am glad in telling her story she has now found the freedom to get out more and it has not marred her...small blessings.

Ellie Belen said...

Here is a link to a website called Stalking Victim's Sanctuary that might be helpful.

http://www.stalkingvictims.com/home.htm

flutter said...

I hate that his craziness has put you and your girl on guard. Sucks.

Frugal Vicki said...

I hope this gets resolved, quickly and safely. and even if you are at each others throats, I bet this is bringing you closer together as a family.

I have two post-halloween treats for you on my site!

Sara said...

It's wonderful to know that your police department and your daughter's school are being so supportive and involved with this.

I'll keep your daughter and your family in my prayers.

Dr Zibbs said...

Wow. I hope they can stop that nut.

Under the Influence said...

Sounds like you are all taking the right steps!

Have the police talked to the stalkER yet? Restraining order? Anything being done so he knows HE is being watched?

StacieM said...

It sucks that your family has to deal with this. I'm glad you have support and folks are aware now. I'm sure you want this guy hanging by the balls. I know I would. I have a few years before my girls get to that age. There is such a vulnerability to having girls. It's scary stuff. I wish your girl continued safety.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

This is such an important issue. I was just remembering a friend of mine in 8th grade, and the boy who claimed to love her and stalked her for months. People laughed at how freaked out she was, but I saw what he was doing to her. I know her parents were involved, but this just wasn't talked about back in the day. It's very serious and your daughter is lucky to know you're there for her. Thank you for putting your story out there for us to learn from. My thoughts and prayers go out to you all!

Deidre said...

I was stalked once a couple of years ago when I was in college - I never took it that seriously and didn't tell anyone, but now I kind of wish I had.

Hope things settle down.

CatLadyLarew said...

Wow! What a time you've been through! Hopefully Sassy will come through this stronger and able to advocate for herself in the future. Hugs to all and good luck!

Gayle said...

I pray for Sassy's safety. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you have proactive police in your area. I have been harassed off and on for six years by my neighbor..he even pointed a rifle at me as I held our then tiny baby. The police think I'm the crazy lady with a lot of kids and he is sane. I lived a lot of years prisoner in my own home afraid of him, but now I just live my life. Don't let this guy take anything from you...be more careful in your actions, but don't stop living. Good luck.

Lisa said...

How scary! What a relief to have such an understanding and active community. You know, we have our own dog that barks at every single passerby. And really I am grateful for him! He always lets us know when someone is around! I hope Sassy, and your entire family, are feeling a little more empowered now that the police and "wagons" are in place.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Phew. I'm glad all the "official" people are taking this so seriously. And good for you for making sure everyone in authority is on board and know what's going on.

I am sorry your family has to deal with this but, as you said, the "wagons are circled" and I'm hopeful this guy has gotten the message and MOVED far, far away for your daughter.

Thanks for updating us.

xo

SweetPeaSurry said...

I think it's fabulous that Sassy had the strength of character to speak up. It's wonderful that you and your family aren't just brushing it off as 'paranoia' as I suspect many people do. Hang in there, you're doing all the right things ... and get a pin lock for your back sliding door girl!!!

Rachel Cotterill said...

I'm glad to hear 'stuff' is happening. Good luck, and let me know if there's anything I can do.

The Seeker said...

As I mentioned before, I am a stalking survivor myself. You are doing all the right things. Thank God for parents like yours (and mine) who listen to their kids and protect them.

I agree with the above noters. Shoe the picture to the neighbors. I'd also ask the principal to have the teachers take a look at his picture as well.

Christine said...

You have a smart daughter. Too many young girls figure this behavior is something to keep secret or they feel guilty as if they provoked it. Thank goodness she is a mature young lady that knows when something has crossed the line.

Eternal Lizdom said...

I can only imagine how stressful this is for you. But at the same time, I think of how close this is bringing your family. There are bonds forming and important lessons being learned- life lessons that will stay with all of you forever.

Keep it up, mama.

the mama bird diaries said...

Sounds like you are definitely handling this is the right way.

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

Peace to you all. You have done the right thing in calling in all the troops.

Praying for y'all - and remember...we love y'all!

Pop and Ice said...

It's so hard to find out about something troubling our children that has seemingly gone on for such a long time without us noticing. I remember looking at my daughter's bedroom, my mind having been opened, and wailing "How did I not know! How did I not know!"

Pollyanna said...

This brought tears to my eyes. How awful for you daughter, you & your entire family. I would be scared to death if I found someone stalking one of my daughters and I'm going to keep your writings tucked into my brain just in case (Heaven forbid) I some day face the same situation. My prayers are being sent daily.

The Unbreakable Child said...

So sorry for this. We had the same thing with ours, at about the same age. It is a serious, extremely dangerous situation, not to mention the invasion of privacy, and the scatter bomb effect it has on the whole family. It sounds as if you've taken good steps. My hubs is a police commander and as a mum, we know these things can not ever be taken lightly. x0

linlah said...

Loud barking dogs are a good thing and I'm glad that Sassy made the decision to talk to you about the situation.

GG said...

I'm so glad to read of the actions you took. People are so hesitant to go to the police nowadays and this is the kind of thing they are there for. I hope the fat lady sings soon for your family, and that your daughter can continue to find herself surrounded by more peace and less creepers. Cheers for obnoxiously loud pets! :) I have an ankle biter back home, and his bark is surely bigger than his bite, but it makes me feel secure that he yips at everything!

Annabelle said...

OH VM, what a horrible thing this has been - but you've taken so many precautions with the police etc etc that this weirdo will be right outa sight for good I think. Hope it all works out, thinking of you.

eda said...

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Alex said...

Geez, it's become such a big thing hasn't it?

Hopefully this will go away soon and you guys can get back to normal.

Jeff D'Antonio said...

I'm glad it's being taken seriously by the authorities, and especially by the school.

Just want you to know that my "Tony Soprano" offer still stands. I could scare the bejesus out of this guy and you'll never hear from him again. Just sayin'...

Sue said...

Yikes, that is so scary! Great that you are taking charge and that Sassy was smart enough to confess to all the important people (mostly you!). Give us his address and blog world will take care of him!

Tiaras said...

hope everything works out for the best

LegalMist said...

I hope they do arrest the guy. Otherwise, even if he leaves Sassy alone, he'll likely just find a new victim.

Too scary.

I hope the worst is behind you all.

The Good Cook said...

After reading all the comments I am amazed at how many women have experienced this issue in their lives. How sad.

I am also hoping that stalker boy is receiving some counseling for his behavior. At his age this personality problem can be turned around - preventing another woman from becoming a victim...

For now I'm glad your daughter is feeling safer, and it seems like you've gotten great advice.

Thanks for sharing your story. Keep us imformed!

Crys said...

Stalking is definitely scary. I've totally been in the situation. I'm glad that she's feeling more comfortable and is going out again. I'm also very glad that everyone has been willing to listen and work with you on the issue. I hope that jerk gets the point or is taught a good lesson soon.

Trac~ said...

Please keep us posted on the situation and we are sending a lot of love, prayers and thoughts to you and your family that your daughter stays safe. xoxoxo

Trac~ said...

Please keep us posted on the situation and we are sending a lot of love, prayers and thoughts to you and your family that your daughter stays safe. xoxoxo

Craig Glenn said...

Great information, thanks for sharing. I am making this link available to everyone I can to encourage all young people to not be afraid to come forward and ask for help. Your daughter is very brave and did the right thing to come to you.

Prayers are with you,

Craig

Maureen McHale said...

Thanks for sharing your story (all of them!) - Usually I leave your blog with a smile...not today, I have a "worried-for-you" feeling. I write a blog about kidnapped and missing children - so, I know, like you know -- bad things happen to good people...I hope and pray "Georgie" gets the message and changes his ways - not just for the sake of your daughter, but everyone else's daughter as well. I also hope your peace of mind (and Sassy's) are returned. I just keep thinking --Thank God she told you what was happening -- it may have saved her life. Peace to your family...

Pastor Sharon said...

Wow, Just know you guys are in my prayers, too. . . (from previous conversation)!

I will be praying for that hedge of protection around Sassy and the rest of you!

Thanks for keeping us in your prayers as well!

Sandee said...

Scary stuff indeed. You were right to go to the police. His name has to be out there, because there are always more than one victim.

Have a terrific day. :)

Stacie said...

It just goes to show that you can't take anything lightly now a days. My prayers are with you and your daughter.

eda said...

角色扮演,按摩棒,跳蛋,情趣跳蛋,
情趣,情趣用品,衣蝶,
色情小說|七夕情人,一夜情,

潤滑液,SM,內衣,性感內衣,自慰器,充氣娃娃,AV,
G點,性感丁字褲,情趣,角色扮演服,吊帶襪,丁字褲,無線跳蛋,

按摩棒,電動按摩棒,飛機杯,自慰套,自慰套,情趣用品,情趣內衣,
情趣按摩棒,.,