8/9/10

Wait- no one said ANYTHING about this meeting being held in a torpedo tube.


“Mom, can you give me a ride to the gym?”


“Sassy, I am on my way to the MRI! I can’t be late.”


“Come on, I just need to find my IPod, and then you can drop me off…”


I interrupted, “No! NO! I’m going to be late!”


“Can’t you just call and tell them you’re running behind?”


“I’m going to MY MRI! You know, to see if I have CANCER. To see if I might LIVE for Christ’s sake!”


“Jesus, mom. You are SO dramatic.”



It’ll be just my luck that he’ll give me fifty more years to live.


(AND, I've decided to stick around just to PISS THE GIRLS OFF. )



70 comments:

unmitigated me said...

Put a blindfold on, concentrate very hard on something, ask them to turn on the fan, and oh, yeah...the Xanax. I take two of em before I go for an MRI. Me and tiny spaces are not very happy together.

Mo Diva said...

i miss the days when i used to torture my mother... now she tortures me.

and lets not get into all my daily activities in which i observe myself acting like a retard and then having the realization taht im turning into my mother... and im not even married yet!

Hope your MRI went well. i could use some vodka mom for another 50 years...

Shelley said...

Here's hoping all is well with the MRI and there is no cancer.
I had to have one done several years ago and they put me in the "open" MRI. Yeah right. They still pin your head down with that cage thing....did I mention I am claustrophobic....

a Broad said...

LOL Torpedo tube ... they give you valium ...

It will be OUR luck that he will give you 50 more years to live !!!

a Broad said...

Wait a minute !!
You chickened out ? You are going Thursday??
besos

Linda said...

Get pills- it definitely helps! Then after they put a cloth over your face- do NOT move your arms so you feel the sides, and then you can almost pretend you're somewhere else.

Good luck! I hope it's just the lipoma.


Ha- my captcha word was 'oucher'

Rachel Cotterill said...

All the best for the MRI - scared the heck out of me when I had to have one. Thinking of you! x

Anything Fits A Naked Man said...

Hope it goes well! I have lymphoma, so I am very familiar with the MRI/CT scan machines. Buggers, aren't they?! You'll do great! Just breathe, think of something that makes you happy, and it'll be over before you know it! Good luck!!

Amy, formerly known as Scandy! said...

Hang in there, Vodka. You're going to fine. I recommend wearing a tube top in the torpedo tube.

Brian Miller said...

smiles. waiting on the good news...

rach said...

Good Luck with the MRI I hope all goes well and you get good news from the doc! Thinking of you and your family!

Lisa said...

Hope all goes well. Stick around to make them see just how uncool they become when they hit our age.

Suzy said...

Maybe you can ask the doctors to seal up your kids in the tube after you're done?

Vodka Mom said...

and if that anonymous chinese guy comes back tonight begging me to MARRY HIM I will have to track him down and rip his B@**& off.

Vodka Mom said...

and if that anonymous chinese guy comes back tonight begging me to MARRY HIM I will have to track him down and rip his B@**& off.

Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

You ain't going anywhere sweetheart...you still have plenty of shit to clean up :)

Do not ask for the Easy listening selection in the MRI...unless you are thrilled with Peaches & Herb...I think I know their whole catalog now..

Peace ~ Rene

Meathead said...

Way to stick it to 'em!
When I was a bitchy teenager, My mom would say to me : "You might be trying to scare me to death with your antics, but I plan on sticking around until you have to wipe my ass and clean up my drool for at LEAST a month."

I hope to God she has forgiven me. I don't do so well with poop anymore now that my kids have learned to wipe their own asses.

Missy said...

Hope that everything goes well!

only a movie said...

xoxo.
Waiting on your good news.

Gigi said...

No question in my mind that you'll be around for another 50 or so years so that you can laugh and laugh when the girls call you complaining about their teenage girls!

Still praying for you.

Everyday Goddess said...

you are not going anywhere without my getting to see you again!

still bummed i missed you in the city.

Malisa said...

I hope you insisted on the open MRI! Oops! Guess I should have mentioned that earlier! And I should have also told you to take the meds they offer "to take the edge off"! So sorry! I'm anxious to hear that you got great news!

TC said...

Reminds me of some children I used to know...they are now thankfully normal helpful functioning adults but I had my doubts....hope the MRI is clean as a whistle...

Brenda Susan said...

So sorry you have to endure such a thing! Hoping to hear the good news that somebody messed up on the earlier tests.

And I am stealing the scared lady graphic....I have needed it a few times recently.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Merrily Down the Stream said...

No matter what - a young girl is self centered - it's really quite amazing. Holding you in the light.

Snappy Di said...

Want me to send you a set of earplugs?

Hope the MRI went well my Dear. Thinking of you.

Di

Caroline said...

Ah yes. The casual egocentrism of the young adult. I remember having the same kind of thought pattern - as in, "Isn't my ease and convenience your paramount concern every day of your life?" You know they're an adult when they understand that IT ISN'T!

Scope said...

Live long enough to move in with THEM!

That's an order.

Scope said...

And tell her to walk her @$$ to the gym. It's good exercise! :-)

CatLadyLarew said...

I'm sorry I'm laughing, but I can just picture the look on your face as Sassy's asking for a ride! Hope the trip down the torpedo tube was uneventful, in the manner of "no news is good news." Thinking of you today!

duffylou said...

I am jealous. I've had three MRIs and have never been offered drugs. Damn!

When I was an awful teenage girl, my Mother waggled her finger at me and said, "I hope you have a daughter just like you some day!" Guess what? I do.

tamilyn said...

ask for the drugs ahead of time. I didn't and it was ugly. Especially when I almost barfed on the radiologist's shoes. He was a trooper...

Hope all goes well and they find nothing.

Anna See said...

You can do this! I think some little happy pills will help relax you on Thursday for sure! I am looking forward to hearing GREAT NEWS after your MRI.

So nice to meet you in person last weekend! :)

Elizabeth said...

I thought of you today, vodka mom, for what it's worth as I barely know you. I love your blog, I love your parenting and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that all is well. It just has to be --

Jill said...

Here's sending best wishes that all turns out well...

SkylersDad said...

Come on and find the damn iPod, it's only a life changing event for craps sake!

Dawn said...

Hope everything goes well!!

...and I was going to ask you what was up with you and the anonymous Chinese love you've been getting!! LOL

(my word verification is ranton) :)

Joanie M said...

Hoping for a good news report!

Anonymous said...

I am thinking of you even though I am anonyomous.

Elenka said...

Best of luck. This kind of waiting is the worse.

Wendy said...

Some days my husband & i remind each other, "One day at a time," and other days, we need to remind each other, "One BREATH at a time."!
Just breathe, VM.
=-)

Elizabeth said...

Ask for headphones, crank the music and visualize something really naughty. xoxo

Linda M. said...

Teenagers define self-absorbed... I have to chant that as my mantra, so I don't rip their heads off...

I'm assuming the MRI is local--Do you need/want a ride to or from the MRI? If so, let me know via email or give me a call. Don't wanna post it here given the whole "secret of where you live" thing!

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

You're such a bitch. Imagine, living a long life to irritate them. Gawd.

Love you and hope you know that I'm thinking about you. Crossing my fingers for a beautiful scan...

FRANNIE said...

Laugh...at least they're not worried you're going to drop dead. Well, atleast not until they find their iPod.

Hope it all turns out well.

Hollywood Farm said...

Hey stranger! Did I see a tweet about blowing off an MRI? What's up? We are praying that all is well with you. Hang in there re sassy going to school. My oldest is going to be 21 this year! #insideimcrying!

Mellodee said...

What's that species that eat their young? Maybe they had the right idea!

Hold on to good thoughts...

As Cape Cod Turns said...

You chickened out? Take drugs and have someone drive you.

I miss you!!!

Carolyn...Online said...

I'm sorry you got scared.

I bet Sassy said, "See mom? You like totally could have taken me to the gym!"

Good Luck Thursday. Take pills. Also, I miss you.

Bodaciousboomer said...

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you kiddo. I too had a scare awhile back. Lucky for me it turned out to be nothing. Try to keep a good thought if you can.

Alana, Author of Domestically Challenged said...

I hope it turns out well. Take some valium and have them put a fan at one end so it doesn't feel closed in.

Good luck!

Captain Dumbass said...

Living longer just to annoy people? I think that's better than holistic medicine and prayer.

yogurt said...

But do they serve vodka in that tube?

Meandering Mel said...

*hugs* I was diagnosed with Malignant Melanoma in April (talk about a shitty thing to find out the week before my finals!), had surgery in May, had CT's and an MRI in June, and the scans came back clean.

Praying that yours come back clean as well. :)

Nej said...

The one MRI I had, they had to take the music away from me and put it on talk radio. I kept tapping my feet and hands more and more to the music. First they tell me to listen to the music and relax, then they tell me to maybe not relax so much. (giggle)

J.J. said...

Make it 75 years, just to be on the safe side.

Anonymous said...

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老公內地包二奶不去大陸抓姦只會讓老公與二奶逍遙快活而您的權益卻被剝奪!
迅速大陸抓姦服務,守護您的權益;大陸抓姦問題交給專家,
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Anonymous said...

多年不見的麗心竟然當起了女子偵探
如果不是因為懷疑老公外遇,我找上女子偵探幫忙,
這才見到這個好友!女子偵探真的不如想像中的輕鬆,
麗心說當初也是因為自己老公外遇,
後來誤打誤撞才當起了女子偵探
主要就是希望能夠幫助女性朋友解決婚姻問題!
後來我不但靠著麗心的幫忙順利解決了老公外遇的問題,
更多了麗心這個女子偵探好友!

Anonymous said...

茜茜知道他有了外遇
他變得春風滿面,嘴裡總是哼著歌曲
他開始變得有耐心聽她說話、會買禮物給她、甚至帶她出遊
茜茜知道這是因為他對外遇有愧疚
她沒有揭穿丈夫的外遇,甚至享受這樣的生活
茜茜偷偷的跟姐妹滔說:感謝老公的外遇帶來更美好的夫妻生活!

Anonymous said...

專業外遇蒐證讓出軌者無所遁形!
許多人放肆出軌就是因為清楚另一半沒有時間外遇蒐證
因此只要矢口否認對方也無可奈何!
把您外遇蒐證的需求交給我們,
專家當您的分身為您徹底外遇蒐證
掌握對方出軌證據!
專業外遇蒐證守護您婚姻權益!

Anonymous said...

根據外遇調查報告顯示一成民眾坦承外遇、四分之一已婚者擔心伴侶出軌!
如果沒有外遇調查,您怎知對方心裡真正想著誰?
對方滿口的謊言藉口,如果沒有進行外遇調查您又該怎麼戳破?
合法徵信公司專業外遇調查服務,
24小時徹底跟監絕不馬虎,提供最優質外遇調查服務!

Anonymous said...

就像一般抓姦的戲碼一樣,她衝進去看見難堪的場面,
男人因為被抓姦而惱羞成怒的想要動手打人,
第三者沒料想到會被抓姦而驚慌失措,而女主角,
冷漠的看著這現實的一幕...抓姦,讓她更看清楚事實!
抓姦,也讓她更知道是離開的時候了!

Anonymous said...

男人有婚外情,就像是證明自己魅力猶存;
然而當女人有了婚外情,卻成為眾人所髮指的目標!
男人有婚外情,多半願意回頭太太還是會原諒他;
然而當女人有了婚外情,卻鮮少丈夫能夠接受!
男女的不平等,在婚外情中,一樣得到驗證!

Anonymous said...

表姐交了一個人人欣羨的男友,
聽說家裡面很有錢,每個人都很為她祝福。
沒想到結婚之後才發現一切都是男方的謊言,
表姐想要離婚,對方卻死不放手!
看到了這情形,讓我想到了婚前徵信的重要性;
雖然很多人認為婚前徵信是一種懷疑的表現,
但是如果不做婚前徵信,又怎能知道對方刻意隱瞞的事實?
現在我有了論及婚嫁的對象,爸媽也很贊成婚前徵信
婚前徵信的結果對方果真的家世清白孝順的新好男人;
帶著滿滿著祝福與喜悅,我總算能安心的當準新娘!

Anonymous said...

心存懷疑就要去查證!很多人懷疑伴侶通姦
卻寧願選擇相信對方欺瞞的藉口,
最後導致通姦問題變得難以解決!
通姦的人不會自己承認,當您懷疑伴侶通姦時,
不要相信對方的藉口,應該要積極去查證,
讓實際證據告訴您伴侶是否通姦

Anonymous said...

許多人以為外遇發生就很難感情挽回
其實只要在外遇初期,感情挽回幾乎都是可以成功的!
夫妻多年的感情不是短時間就可以磨滅,
加上孩子親情的呼喚、自身的努力,感情挽回其實不如想像中困難!
然而許多人卻不知道對方早已外遇多年,
伴侶與第三者建立出難分難捨的情誼,
感情挽回自然困難度就提高許多,
想要感情挽回就需要更多技巧與付出更多努力!

Anonymous said...

您的問題不需要自己一個人獨自承受,專業徵信隨時在這裡為您服務!
不管是外遇離婚,或者是事業問題,專業徵信都能協助您解決。
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Anonymous said...

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徵信協會以維護消費者權益、提高國內徵信市場水準為目標!
徵信協會公正的維護消費者權益、希望能協助委託人獲得更好的徵信品質。
面對不肖徵信社您不該妥協,讓徵信協會為您伸張委屈!
徵信協會,以您的權益為優先!

Anonymous said...

新婚一年,我們竟然就相敬如冰!
當初被沖昏頭,沒發現她如局外人的冷淡,於是我合理的懷疑,她有外遇!
於是我找上徵信社為我調查,
徵信社的回報資料攤在我眼前,我真的難以接受,
我一直為了要給她過好日子每天努力工作,
然而她卻在同個時刻帶男人回家溫存!
徵信社進一步的調查之後,甚至發現他們早就在一起很多年,
根據徵信社給的資料,我才發現,原來她只是因為我的錢才嫁給我!
那麼我們剛出生的孩子,極可能也不是我的孩子嗎?
如果沒有請徵信社幫我調查,到底我還要被利用多久!!

Anonymous said...

明知道他有婚姻,筱蝶還是陷進去了
他告訴筱蝶,不是不願意離婚
只是孩子還小,他不忍心孩子這麼小就面臨父母離婚的難題
他告訴筱蝶,他有多麼愛她
他多想馬上離婚光明正大和她在一起
他告訴筱蝶,她值得更好的人,但是他捨不得放手
只要給他兩年時間,他就會馬上離婚
多麼動聽的話,為了他的承諾,筱蝶甘心傻等
一心等對方離婚、一心想要成為他的太太
然而當兩年的時間過去了
男人還是沒有離婚
他淡淡的對筱蝶說:我配不上妳,所以我要放妳自由!