I'd like to be Oprah for just ONE day. Or perhaps two.

One incredible perk about writing this blog (besides getting to know all of you, of course), is that I receive many offers to review products. At FIRST, I was accepting anything I could get my hands on. I won’t lie.

Then, some great friends over at BlogHer helped me developed this review page, which is where I typically post any giveaways or reviews that I do of products I actually USE.I have learned over the last few years, that it’s only prudent to accept freebies if they are something I actually buy and use, or something I can give to a friend.

I receive emails daily about products, books or apps that PR companies think might be of interest to me, or all of you. Frankly, I have to admit I trash MOST of them.

But I am so, so happy that I didn’t trash this one. Let me set the stage a bit more eloquently.

I have been trying, since the birth of Bitchy 21 years ago, to shed the baby weight. It didn’t help that I confused that process by having TWO MORE CHILDREN. That seriously put a wrench into, and it’s been a struggle. Add to that two horribly used old gymnast knees, and it became even more difficult.

While the personal turmoil has resulted in a pretty great weight loss, I’m pretty sure that it was not a healthy way to lose. (Who knew that tears weighed SO MUCH? Gives the term “water weight” a whole new meaning.) I’ve been going to the gym for years, and while I try to avoid actual sweating, it hasn’t helped as much as I would have liked.

Now I am finding that not only do I have to work harder on the final 15, my son has decided to join the “Vodkamom Shape Up” program. He starts football soon, and wants to be in the best shape possible.

Then, I received the email. For some crazy reason, I actually READ IT.

It was from WINDLFYER company, and they were offering to send me a scooter with pedals! They would send me one to use and keep, and one to GIVE AWAY! (It's $299!! And it works!!)

Surprisingly, because I always trash this stuff, I clicked on the link to the video and was so excited!!! I immediately thought of Golden Boy, and our pact to get in shape, and zipped them an email. I told them I was in, explained in more detail our plight, and they sent me TWO OF THEM!

We opened the boxes, put them together and they have kicked my @$$.

I am telling you that I have muscles in my legs and various other regions that are jumping for joy! Here they thought I’ve been ignoring them all this time, when really I forgot where they WERE!!

So, here’s the deal. I am able to give away ONE of these- to any of my readers. If I weren’t the poor, white Oprah, I’d give you ALL ONE! But alas, I cannot.

I will keep this contest open until AUGUST 9! (That was my father’s birthday, and that will help me remember when to choose the winner.)

Here are the rules. Try to do as many as you can but let’s face it, I’ll NEVER KNOW!!

1. Make me laugh. PLEASE. Can you share a funny story about the first day of school? Your kids? Your neighbor’s kids? (Yeah, I’m working on my column about the beginning of the year and I need some material. Sue me. Wait. )

2. Twitter this contest. I LOVE this scooter, and know that others might want to learn about it.

3. Tip the barrista at Starbucks as much as your drink costs. DO IT. (When Bitchy told me the other day that I couldn’t afford to be tipping when we went- I looked at her and said “You are NEVER too poor to tip. NEVER.”)

4. You can enter as MANY TIMES as you want. What the heck. I’ll use the random number thingy, and then it’s up to the fickle finger of fate.

5. Vote for two blogs over at Babble. There are many other people over there that you know- search through the lists- you might even find yourself!

6. Tell me at least two ways I can save more money. I am beginning to despair. (But no mac and cheese, or ramen noodles. I am NOT a pasta person.)

Okay, let the madness begin!!!

(And now to announce the WINNER!!!!! Sara Henry - all those entries PAID OFFF!!! Randomizer finally landed on your NUMBER and you WON!!! WOOT!!!)


Sara J. Henry said...

Me, me, me! I don't want to tell the story here of how I walked into my doorway nose-first in the middle of the night this week (I was feeling my way in the dark, en route to the bathroom in that not-quite-awake shuffle - one arm going down the hallway I was heading; the left arm unfortunately going into my closet next to the doorway ...) but let's just say I look like I was in a brawl. But even I found it pretty funny - I'm hoping the bruise and blackish eyes fade by my library appearance on Saturday ... not a very authorly appearance!

Brian Miller said...

muscles in other places jumping for joy...i may need one of these...

Sara J. Henry said...

Saving money: you really don't want to ask me; I'm one of the most frugal people you could meet. To start, er, skip Starbucks! (That one was too easy.) But seriously, small expenses add up quickly. Second: use half as much laundry detergent as you've been using - your clothes will get just as clean and will be lots softer, and you won't need to add a softener such as Downy. Third (this is a bonus one): use BOTH sides of that Swiffer pad - I thought everyone did, but turns out they don't.

SkylersDad said...

Good luck with the weight loss program. I think that scooter kind of looks like my ElliptiGo in a way.

Elizabeth @ My Life, Such as it is... said...

Charlie, my son, is 6 1/2 yrs old and finshed Kindergarten this past year. I'm pretty sure the dog is counting the days until school starts more than me.

One day Ruby(dog)ran into my office and hid under my desk. Charlie came barreling in right after her with 2 play swords in his hands. Charlie was extremely put out with Ruby because (and I quote) "Mommy, Ruby won't be the bad guy pirate and let me stab her!"

Sue said...

When I was in Kindergarten, I had the same teacher my sister had the year before. The teacher kept calling me Karen, and would get annoyed when I did not reply. So I started answering to the name Karen, however there was a real Karen in the class, so again the teacher was annoyed. This drove me absolutely crazy and I complained to my Mom all the time about it. So one day I came home and told my Mom, Well She won't call me Karen EVER AGAIN.

Mom knew if she asked what I said she would have had to punish me. We were always taught to be polite, and she didnt want to HAVE to punish me. She waited a couple of weeks and asked me what I said, by that time I didnt remember. Mom always wished she had asked me sooner.

Ellie Mae said...

Cool scooter! The pedals look like bug wings to me :)

Saving money: Tip #1 If you have cable, call them and say you are considering cancelling due to high cost (be prepared to do so, but they usually send you to account retention and more times than not will offer you a special rate for a year--after which you call again.)
Tip #2 Do more grocery shopping at Aldi if there is one near you. They don't take credit cards, nor have a lot of national brands, but are way cheaper than many other grocery stores for staples.
And Tip #3 Shop at Goodwill or thrift stores. Much of my clothing and the fam's comes from there and I have brought home many items with new tags still on them!

Stella said...

I'm feeling a bit pudgy, I need something to work my arse...in fact here's a funny story. I work at a local college. When I pregnant (very) with number 2, I was on my way to a meeting. I stopped at the bathroom in my building before the meeting and headed across campus. After the meeting ended, I started walking out and a lady asked me what was hanging out of my pants...well, it was the lovely paper you put down on the toilet before going to the bathroom. So, I had a toilet paper ring hanging out of my elastic pants with a very pregnant belly...damn thing must have got stuck in my crack. Nobody told me all across campus...and you know very well there were students walking behind me....kids these days....but, it is a story that I can still chuckle about, especially when the lady pulled the thing out of my pants and saw my face when I realized what it was. Toodles...

Z said...

nice scooter! i can picture myself taking this out with my dog... and ending up lying face down in the street as he knocks me over in his excitement (which, lets face it, is his general state of being, and, yes, this has happened when i'm NOT standing on something with wheels, too)

and yes, i, too, need to lose the baby weight ... in the hopes that if i get a more defined tummy, it may distract from my always-leaking boobs... maybe? (i know thats what the baby is for - distraction, that is - but dammitall, shes good for so many things, but leaky boob disguise is not in her arsenal just yet!)

Ellie Belen Ambrose said...

My mom loves telling this story. I sorta remember it.

After a few weeks attending my kindergarten class, I came home and told my mom that Thursday and Friday were cancelled because they were painting our rooms. The following week I told her the same thing. The third week, she wondered why it was taking so long to paint the rooms. I told her the rooms were really big and they had to make sure that none of it got on us, so they were taking their time. The fourth week, she gave me the ole' horse eye. The fifth week she marched to the school to find out what the heck was up!

When she asked me why I lied, I told her that the school only deserved three days of my time and that the other two were to spend with her.
I'm sure that line got me out of trouble.

Finances are like a block of ice (for some an iceberg), you have to chip away at it a little at a time. I use a method that has always worked for me. Putting money into little envelopes, even if it's just a dollar. Do that consistently and you'll be surprised.

halpey said...

How about this: start storing all your clothes in your oven and all your food in your closet. You will save money AND lose weight. :)

Mary Anne said...

Oooooh, I saw one of these somewhere and would love to try it. I have two bad knees, too, but I think myine are from genetics, not from anything as exciting as gymnastics! somehow I don't think my muscles would be jumping for joy, though...

Sharon Rose said...

Wow! Vodkamama! This is an incredible opportunity! I'll be back to give all the info you asked for. I just needed to check in real quick and send love and a hug your way! I miss you!

MaryBeth said...

School starts the 4th of August so that gives me plenty of time to get you a good first day of school story!
Saving money...buy starbucks ground coffee and make your own at home. Sitting and watching the birds and drinking coffee is much more enjoyable than driving and drinking coffee, and cheaper.
This year I'm bringing lunch from home - hoping to save money and maybe loose some weight - school lunch is so terrible!

Charity Hardin said...

So I have two little boys, ages 6 and 3. They were playing one day, and the 6yo says, "Let's play Simon Says! I'll be Simon!" The 3yo responds, "I'll be Sez!" It made me laugh. :-)

Can I have a scooter now? Pleeeeeze?

Anonymous said...

Last year we decided we needed to exercise more, and my husband got me a tandem bike last August for my birthday. While he was testing it, he fell off and broke his leg! He couldn't exercise, and I had sympathy....non-exerciseness. This would be perfect for us! Not as far to fall.

Auntie Pam
without a blog

Anonymous said...

This thing looks so COOL! I would love to win this.

One of my first days of school that I can remember-- I was really young. I grew up going to a private church school and I had to ride the public school bus to get there. I was on my own on this bus and super young and scared to be around all these older kids. I had been listening to a conversation of this girl telling her friends she had gotten "stoned" that wknd. I was so confused. I later went home and asked my mom what "getting stoned" meant. I thought the girl meant it in the *biblical* sense- like people threw stones at her. LOL Maybe it's not super hilarious, but it was like 1990 and I still thought people threw stones at others. :)

LauraW said...

I'll go with a funny first day of school story and hope it makes you laugh. Plus it's about teh 1st day of KINDERGARTEN!

We relocated to a new city just weeks before school started for our oldest son (DearSon#1 aka DS#1).
DS#1 was worried about going to school and wondered what he'd do and who he'd meet. He desperately wanted to learn to read so he could play his dad's (original) Gameboy by himself.
As the day approached I told him all the wonderful things he'd do and learn in Kindergarten. Of course, tops on the list was learn to read!
So finally the Big Day arrived. Armed with a backpack bigger than he was; off to school he went.

Being the rookie mom of a school aged child I made the mistake of asking what he did that day. He rattled off a bunch of things and then stopped dead in his tracks and pinned me with a look.
"It was fun Mom." he said. "But she didn't teach me to read AT ALL."

Anne said...

Let's see... a funny story.... one time when I was pregnant I was trying to go to water aerobics and not carry in a bag, so I put on ALL my clothes over the top of my swim suit. I hated to get naked in the dressing room too... anyway... as I was walking out to the pool everyone was staring at me... as I had forgotten to remove my gianormous preggo underwear from on top of my swimsuit... yep... horrified. Never-mind that I live in a small town....

Random generator please pick me since I feel like I have already been selected to randomly gain some of the lovely weight this summer that Golden Boy and Vodka Mom have shed. It would only be fair.

Navhelowife said...

Well, I would love to have that scooter. I tried to lose the baby weight from #1, but confused it by having two more as well. Is there a statute of limitations on when you have to stop calling it baby weight? Never mind, I don't want to know if there is.
My funny story is actually about my brother. He started school in California, and after the first week of school he announced to my mother he was no longer going to go. Apparently they had been having 'earthquake drills' all week. He told my mom he wasn't going to go back if they thought there'd be an earthquake there - he would be much safer at home!

Kate Hanley said...

Good luck with the contest, I won't enter because I'm not that funny. But I promise to tip my barrista at starbucks because you are right about tipping. Saving money? Can be so difficult but I tend just to not buy things. My mother was frugal and she would say, "well I don't need it."

Carlei said...

I scared the crap out of one of my students (literally) on my first day of teaching ever...

The first day of school finally came. We managed to get to all activities, lunch, and recess on time despite it being the first day. I was counting it as a success right up until recess. Since it was such a small school, my class (the whole fifth grade) had recess by themselves with me as the only one who had recess duty (every day). With two minutes left of recess a student, let's call him Joe **Not his real name**, came up to me with a pained expression on his face and asked to use the restroom. I told him we were going in in two minutes and asked if he could wait. He said no. So I let him go on in and when recess was over, the whole class took a restroom break.

I should have seen the signs when all the boys were coming out of the bathroom saying it stunk. I just took it as they were boys being boys and basically, they all kind of stink. I should have known when Joe wasn't ready to be out of the bathroom when everyone else was done. I should have known when he was late to read aloud and procrastinating going to PE. All those times I just told him, "Joe, come on. Well, we'll be (random place) hurry up and meet us there."

So I come back from dropping the rest of the class off at their activity and see Joe in the hall about to get ripped by a middle school principal. She says, "I see your teacher is here, you can try to explain to her why you are just hanging out in the hall," and walks off.

I said, "Joe, what's the deal? You're running late to everything this afternoon."

Joe says, "Mrs., I got a problem."

"What's the problem, Joe?"

Joe then does a quick turn around and shows me the back of his shirt and shorts. They're brown.

I say, "Joe, is that mud?"

He shakes his head no.

"Is that what I think it is?"

He nods yes.

Since "what to do when a fifth grader poops his pants" wasn't in the staff handbook, I said, "I think we go to the nurse for this."

We proceed to the nurse's office and on the way we pass a few teachers. I simply bustle past, trying to get there as soon as possible. Joe, totally embarrassed, does a little dance past them. He would shuffle step so that they only saw his front. Imagine Fred Flinstone when he was in fifth grade. It looked like that.

Joe and I finally get to the nurse's office and I freeze. How do I go about telling her what happened without embarrassing Joe anymore (or letting out the giggle that was building up inside me)? So I say, "Umm, Nurse June **not her real name either**, Joe has a little problem. Joe show her your problem."

Joe does his quick show and Nurse June just goes, "Oh. Well...we aren't really prepared for this on the first day, but I'll call Principal Harry **not his name** to see if he has any spare clothes."

So Joe and I stand there without talking at all because the last thing he probably wants to do is talk to his girl teacher with poop on his pants; and I, who have never claimed to be mature when it comes to funny bathroom stuff, was just about to lose the battle with the giggles. Nurse June gets Principal Harry on the phone and you can hear him laugh and holler, "Joe did what? Well I'll be. I guess I can hunt up some shorts and a shirt. That boy..."

Nurse June starts talking to Joe and seeing that my job was done, I take the opportunity to get out of the Nurse's office and as soon as that door shut, the giggles burst out of me. I started laughing so hard I was crying. My mentor saw me this way in the hall and thought I was crying because something bad happened. I told her the whole story and acted it out. She told me I would forever be known as the teacher who scared the crap out of her kids - literally.

As Cape Cod Turns said...

I want to work my ass off too! I think I would look very cute on this scooter with my kids chasing me down the bike path.
For the first day of B's preschool she thought she would wear a pull up on her head. No I did not let her out the door, but I did take a picture!

MaryBeth said...

Go to youtube and watch, Kindergarten advice for kids in preschool. I think it was from Katiedavis.com - one of her books, but it is priceless!

As Cape Cod Turns said...

I am tweeting this :)

Zephyr said...

My best way I ever found to save money was to write everything I spent down in a log. I gave myself $15 per week to blow without writing down, and anything outside of that $15 I wrote in a log. If I spent 50 cents on pop, I knew I had to write it down. It's amazing what I found myself NOT buying simply because it was too much work to have to write it all down in the log. I never even looked at the log... simply forcing myself to log it kept me from wasting money on little things that add up to surprising amounts.

Grey Family said...

Save money

1. Don't go to StarBucks *that may be easier said than done because I don't drink coffee*. :)

2. Shop at Aldi if you have one in your area. The milk, cheese, bread, fruits, veggies, yogurt, cereal, waffles, soups, ranch dressing, croutons, pop, graham crackers, and trash bags are my favorites to buy. The ONLY item I have tried and disliked is their Wheat Thins.

3. Get on FB and find your favorite Coupon people. They give me the match ups for our local stores that I shop at, including Meijer, Wal-Mart, Target, CVS, Walgreens and K-mart. You not buying wipes/diapers anymore. But, that's my favorite deals they tell me about.


I always tell my students about the embarrassing time that I was playing V-ball in H.S. and I was in the ready position and my pants split. Thank goodness, I had underwear on and my family lived nearby to bring me a new pair of pants.

I voted for two blogs, but I don't have twitter so I won't be tweeting the contest.

Enjoy reading your blog and your quest to start your new life. My favorite blogs are about Frank. I wonder if this years teacher will enjoy him as much as you did! :)

School: I don't have any funny stories about the first day.......but my advice is "Be firm and then let up"

viridian said...

I adopted my children but I STILL have baby weight. Yeah, and I have a bridge in Brooklyn that is on sale this week. I would appreciate the scooter however.

DawnA said...

I was the Mom ON the bus on the first day of school taking pics of my son! A little overboard.
I'm 22 years in trying to shed the "baby weight" so I feel your pain.
dawniawnie (at) aol (dot) com

Anonymous said...

We recently attended a church outing at a water park for a church that is held in a movie theatre. Since church is held in the theatre, there is no baptismal, so they did them in the pool before everyone got to play. My 3-year-old son watched nervously and confused. Later, we were having a lemonade in the snack area and the pastor and his wife sat near us. My son turned to my husband and said in a hushed tone, "Dad, there's that man who was drowning those people."

I hope that made you laugh! amy-vaughn (at) sbcglobal (dot) net

Jessis said...

My husband and I needed to level the backyard, and so we rented a bobcat. We called my stepdaughter to tell her about the upcoming plans for the weekend.

"Well, I'm not coming over."


"Bobcats are dangerous."

"Your dad will make sure it's safe."

This went back and forth for a while until we realized she thought we were talking about a bobcat. Not the tractor, but the actual mammal!

Love kids!

The Green Family said...

Ok ~ If you ever need a laugh...visit this posting on my blog.


or this...


for those wondering about a Brazilian Bikini wax


None of those things will save you money, but something that has helped me is to not carry my debit card.

My husband and I get an 'allowance' for the week and when we run out of cash we're done! It's too easy to use the debit card and go over your budget.

There is my helpful hint!

Now..off I go to vote on Babble

Sara J. Henry said...

Me, I'm entering randomly again. While I'm at it, I'm gonna tell people who like adventure novels/thrillers to check out THIEVES GET RICH, SAINTS GET SHOT by my friend Jodi Compton (and the one before it, HAILEY'S WAR).

Sara J. Henry said...

And yet another way to save (and another contest entry!): if you call up to cancel your cell phone service, you discover all sorts of "loyalty" plans that are not advertised - as low as $20 to $25 per month for minimal daily usage (more on nights and weekends). Perfect if you use a cell primarily for traveling and emergencies.

Maggie P said...

This looks like FUN!! I have been trying to lose the "baby weight" for 15yrs now. This amazing little item would be ideal for the bike path in my town!

Sara J. Henry said...

Re the Babble vote: I ALSO love the blog called Journey Mama, which is also listed there - check it out.

Sara J. Henry said...

OK, I am apparently the only one taking Rule #4 to heart ...

Beth said...

OHHH...how freakin cool is that!?!?!?! I want it!

Beth said...

OK Sara, I will take rule #4 to heart along with you. ha!!

remouladesauce said...

I voted for you and two others on babble. That list is dangerous! Who knew there were so many options to waste my day away?

Captain Dumbass said...

You can add a lot to Ramen noodles, or any of the others to make them a lot better. And if you bust them up before boiling them then they're not so much like pasta anymore. Kinda.

Funny story.... hmm?

The other day I was driving to work and saw a dead coyote in the middle of the road. A second later I saw a dead skunk.

You know what... this isn't that funny. But I'm sure there's a moral to it.


Hey, I love your hair! New cut?

Sara J. Henry said...

Beth, I knew I should have kept my mouth shut. Sometimes I'm too clever for my own good (or can't resist pointing it out)!

Sara J. Henry said...

Captain: Pasta is pasta, no matter how prepared - processed carbohydrates without much fiber. I don't think VodkaMom's issue is with the taste, but what a diet with too many processed carbohydrates can do to the waistline for those who aren't supremely active and in need of a steady diet of simple carbs. Although maybe with this magic new scooter, she can devour simple carbs to her heart's content.

Vodka Mom said...

you guys are CRACKING me up. Let's see, I don't LIKE the taste of pasta- and typically decline it. Unfortunately, I like just about everything else.

And, I had to take TWO days off from the scooter, cause my legs hurt so much. But, tomorrow, I am BACK in the saddle. (or on the scooter...)

Lynn said...

I did them! I did them!
I want it I want it!
Even though I just turned 66, I am sure I'd look cute on it!

Laura said...

I CAN make you laugh! My dear 4 yr old DD told me the other night that while I was out (shopping alone & hubby had all five kids to himself) that "I had three treats! I had a DumDum, and a, oh, I can't remember what it's called....oh yeah, I ate a StarWars! and the other thing, well, I just don't remember what it was..." She's awesome!

I have also voted twice at babble.

To save money: buy larger containers & store personal size portions...the individually wrapped packages are more. My other suggestion is to find a local farmer's market or Aldi store--great prices!

Sara J. Henry said...

I am dreaming of a lovely little scooter ...

booksandcandy said...

My funny story, working at an after school program trying to get the students transition in and settled for snack and homework. From across the room one of my second graders shouted "hey Ms.g do you think I am going through puberty? "

larshannon said...

I've had my share of awkward conversations with my children's teachers. Here is one of them.

Teacher: "May I speak with you for a minute."

Me: "Sure, what do you need?"

Teacher: "We had an incident on the playground today. It seems that your son felt the need to go the bathroom and instead of asking to go inside, he just peed on a tree."

Me: "Oh." (What do you say to that? I was struggling not to laugh and remain composed!)

Teacher: "I asked him if he was allowed to pee outside at home."

Me: silence and I'm inwardly groaning because what parent of a boy hasn't let their kid pee outside? I'm sure I looked guilty. I really need to work on my poker face.

Teacher (after a long pause and a funny look): "He said no."

Me: "of course, of course." sigh of relief and mental note to give my son some extra candy or an allowance or something.

Teacher: "You might want to have a talk with him about that tonight. I've already explained the rules, but you might want to make sure he understands."

Me: "Yes, I'll make sure."

I wonder if I turned and walked away before the smile broke across my face? I'm not saying I condone his behavior. Obviously, I'd prefer he NOT drop his pants in front of his 70+ classmates, but that isn't a conversation that lends itself to decorum.

#1Nana said...

My sister-in-law is a first grade teacher in Southern California. At the grocery store she ran into one of her students who was shopping with his grandmother. Standing in the vegetable department she proceeded to tell the grandmother how much she enjoyed having Javier in her class and how much progress he had made. She complemented him for always being prepared and always doing his homework. My sister-in-law went on and on singing Javier's praises and after several minutes Javier said "Miss, my grandmother doesn't speak English."

MommyTime said...

A good way to save money painlessly is to unplug every appliance, computer, electric toothbrush, TV, cable box, phone charger and anything else with a cord that goes into the wall EXCEPT when you are actually using that thing. All those cords suck a tiny bit of energy even when not turned on or plugged into the items they're charging. My friends on a save-energy kick saved $20 PER MONTH by diligently doing this.

(And, if I win this scooter, I will clearly have to sword fight my 7-yr-old for it. Nerf swords, obviously. But I'm so going for the jugular! ;)

viridian said...

i agree with mommy time on the unplugging. My husband insists that we leave everything plugged in.
2 ways to save money:
1. buy a whole chicken and break it down yourself (look up instructions if you have to). Or: roast the whole bird and use the cooked chicken in various recipes, with or without pasta.
2. cancel all magazine subscriptions. read the magazines at the library.

viridian said...

2 more ways to save money:
3. pick a credit card that offers the best deal in terms of bonuses, cahs back or what ever. But then again maybe even better is to have a set amount of cash in you wallet and pay cash for everything. when youa re done for the week you are done.
4. Look at everything in your house with a hard, critical eye. Set aside yet more things for another yard sale. Be tough about this and get rid of stuff!

Stacie@hometownperch said...

How fun! But if I win does that mean you have to send me Golden Boy's? I don't want it if that's the case. But if there is a #3, sign me up.

Okay, how's this for a laugh?

We were on a flight last year. Taylor was 4 1/2. My husband was across the aisle with our other daughter so Taylor and I were in an aisle with a very nice stranger. A man with two girls of his own who had showed me pictures of his girls earlier in the flight.

As the plane starts to descend Taylor starts to giggle. Then she blurts out in her very loud voice (thanks Mom), "Hee, hee. That tickled my labia. Did that tickle your labia Mommy?" No Taylor. That tickled my tummy. Did that tickle your tummy Taylor. "Nope. Just my labia". Oh god Taylor, NO. "Oh sorry Mommy. That tickled my privates, did it tickle your privates Mommy?". NO.

The space under the seats on planes should be much, much bigger. I would have gladly climbed under there until everyone was gone.

Anonymous said...

Invoking Rule 4 over here.....

I can get a few meals out of one chicken. One would be the main course of chicken slices or legs or whatever; the second would be chicken salad from the leftovers, and the third (and maybe fourth and fifth) would be chicken broth with noodles or rice or whatever.

In the summer, I do the first two meals and throw the carcass in the freezer for soup in the winter. I have never thrown away a chicken or turkey carcass.

Auntie Pam without a blog

unmitigated me said...

How about a money-maker? I have been scouring my bookshelves at home, which are loaded with books, hard-cover and soft alike. Instead of a fifty-cents each garage sale, I list them on Amazon of half.com. SO easy, and I use the cash to support my Kindle habit! Same goes for old electronics, like cameras.

That scooter looks like a blast, and would be easier on my lower back problems than the bike!

Sara J. Henry said...

Saving money: Call up your cable company and ask about its lowest-priced plan - most folks think "basic" cable is $40 and up - but no, there's a more basic plan with 10-15 channels for $15 a month or less ... let's face it, most of us spend too much time in front of the tube anyway.

Anonymous said...

VM - that scooter looks great!

No school story because I don't go back until late August and am not ready to think about students or classrooms yet.

To save $ - everything is available on ebay. If you or golden boy just has to have something set up an ebay email alert for it. I do this for my son's $100 sneakers that I never pay more than $30 for.

Nan said...

My daughter, "Missy," has always been a force of nature. She is fearless and unfiltered, living her life bold and loud. She can be utterly relentless in pursuing her way.

After the third day of kindergarten, I caught up with her teacher in the parking lot to find out how things were going.

I could tell she was looking for the right words to say something positive about my darling Missy. Finally she said, "I don't know what Missy will be when she grows up, but I know whatever it is will be BIG."

I laughed for days.

BTW - If I win the scooter, I'll have to share it with Missy. Wish me luck.

Nan said...

Saving money:
- we cancelled our newspapers and magazines. so much content available online and in libraries, those expenses didn't make sense.
- downsize or eliminate cable/satellite TV expenses. Again, so much available online for free.
- if you have cell phones, review your past few months usage and change your plan to match your needs. Also, don't pay for a land line.
- if you are comfortable doing so, change your deductible on your car and/or home insurance. Raising it can save you $$. (warning - may not be the best idea for someone with inexperienced drivers on the plan)

Nan said...

Making money:
- be ruthless in editing your belongings, and sell what you don't need. Consign, list on eBay, Craigslist, garage sale, etc. Clearing out the unneeded is so good for your soul, not to mention your bank account.
- we donate plasma regularly. it's sorely needed, which is why you get paid to donate.

Nan said...

Ok, one more story. This time, it's on my son "Bud."

Picking him up from his first day in the preschool room, the teacher pulled me aside "for a quick word."

She told me that during show and tell, Bud was upset that he hadn't brought anything to share, so he had to skip his turn. After the last child shared, Bud jumped to his feet, yelling "Wait! Wait! Wait! I've got the best show and tell EVER!" He promptly dropped his pants, pointed to his privates, and yelled "check out my peanut!"

So. Proud.

Casey Freeland said...

I am so jealous! I would take advantage of every single review offer. Why the heck not? No one has ever asked this guy to review anything. Course I don't have 62 comments on a post either! :)



Sue said...

THis scooter looks awesome. I'm sure my kids would LOOOVE to make fun of me trying to ride it!

I myself have a love of STarbucks, too! Instead of paying over $4 for my summertime treat (skinny vanilla iced latte), I make my own. I use the leftover cup from my morning coffee, pour it over ice, add a little sweetnlo or splenda, then add flavored creamer. Voila!! It's not a bad subsitute!

Sue said...

I babbled! (for you & @anymommy)

Kerri said...

I've got nothing but a few (30) extra lbs. That thing is awesome!

fossette said...

I decided to get in shape when my mom was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes recently. By get in shape I mean shed the 150lbs monkey on my back, because let's face it, I can't possibly be that overweight, so there has to be an invisible mammal here somewhere clinging onto my bra straps.

So anyway, I've been really watching what I eat, moving more, drinking more water and quickly lost 13 lbs. Clearly, though, I neglected to comprehend the impact this would have on my clothes.

The other day I was walking into the courthouse (I'm a paralegal, not a criminal ;)) and went to walk through security when my pants promptly fell right to the floor.

Now this would be bad enough in itself, but I can't just stop at sheer embarrassment. Oh no. I need to go for epic mortification. I promptly trip right over my own pants and land flat on my face, the motion I was carrying spread all over the floor and my pants still snugly wrapped around my ankles.



Graceful in PA

fossette said...

ps. One of my money saving tricks is to butterfly my chicken breasts. Easier to cook and they go twice as far.

Bragger said...

I don't have a funny story, but I remember my first day of teaching like it was yesterday. (It wasn't.) I was hired on Saturday before school started on Monday. No pre-planning, no in-service, no chance to meet my fellow teachers. I walked into middle school on the first day with the students. I can still see that ugly black and green dress, and I can feel the sweat trickling down my back. That had nothing to do with the Georgia heat in August, either.

You can save money by riding your scooter to school!

Magpie said...

that's a wackadoodle cool looking thing. how would it be on the streets of new york???

i say, if you can't afford to tip, you probably can't afford starbucks...

duffylou said...

I have totally whacked out knees too! I've lost 64 pounds since January. Unfortunately, cardio and bad knees don't mix. I'm left with flabby, flappy...you get the idea. This would be perfect!

I do have a first day of kindergarten story. This is told to me, and anyone else who will listen, by my mother. I do not remember a thing. Probably PTSD. My first day of kindergarten I stood at the bus stop with my mom. When the bus came and the other kids got on the bus I became weepy and clingy. I was the last to go and there was no way I was going on that bus. My mom carried my up the steps and I ran back down hanging on to her dress all the while screaming. My shoe had come off in all the hub bub, mom had it in her hand. She pushed me up the stairs. The driver told her to throw in the shoe, he'd worry about it later. We were on our way.

Sara J. Henry said...

You guys! You are WAY lowering my odds of winning by entering! You don't REALLY want this scooter, do you? You won't blog about using it and take photos and chronicle your weight loss and fitness progress and lure other people to buy one, will you?

You will? Ah, rats.

PS Contest on my blog for some well-written thrillers (far grittier than my books - my books are sort of PG).

Chris said...

I too need to lose pregnancy weight...but I really feel that it is that extra water retention from those loooonnnnggg 9 months...nevermind that my baby is almost 16! Water retention it is!!!
I recently got on a bike(for exercise) for the first time in about 15 years...your little gadget would be so much better...'cause my nether-region still hurts from that darn seat!!! Getting my big ol'butt on that contraption will make you laugh for sure...will send you a video should I win!

IngeB said...

I am with Chris on the whole sore nether region from biking - this little scooter deal looks much less painful. I also like the idea of having a handle - I used to be a roller skating queen, but I tried it again recently and for one thing, the ground seems so much further down, and I feel so wobbly! Maybe a handle would help?

Beth said...

These comments are cracking me up!! I really need this scooter! I am sure if I were to win it, there would be some VERY FUNNY stories to tell indeed.

Nan said...

I Babble voted for you, the Bloggess, and a few other favorites.

Nan said...

And, although I don't go to Starbucks (so I can't tip them), I did tip the pizza delivery guy more than my husband would have preferred. He gets very frustrated when I tip more than the $1/pizza he used to get when he delivered pizzas. In college. In the 80s.

Deep sigh.

Our Crazy Life said...

I usually tip pretty good, but we tipped the bagel/coffee lady a little more than our order this morning and she looked like she was going to cry. Maybe that isn't so much of a good idea??! Just kidding- it made me feel great and I will be doing it again randomly!!

Bragger said...

I don't think I can compete with SaraJ and Nan.

But I already ride a bicycle to school sometimes, and my Harley other times. How cool would my high schoolers think I am if I rode THAT to school?

P.S. I'm also getting a unicycle. But I'm waiting for Hubby to go out of town before I do.

Sara J. Henry said...

Bragger, I think your high schoolers would think you were WAY cool - or way strange, as the two are actually just a hairbreadth apart. What I'm wondering about is how this scooter fares on hills ... you may have noticed in the video that those lovely thin beautiful people buzzing around on the scooters were all doing it on perfectly flat terrain. VodkaMom, have you taken it up a hill yet?

Beth said...

I can only imagine how difficult it would be to ride up a hill.

Bragger - you would be WAY COOL!!

G said...

I think my frugalaity was inherited from my father (or I listened when he told me not to spend my money like my mother.)

If you have both a land line and cell phone, eliminate the land-line.

If you have cable, do you really use it? Check how much it is really costing you per hour of usage.

Go to the library vs. buying a new book, same with DVD’s and Cd’s.

If you regularly pull cash out of the ATM each week, challenge yourself to take out $20 or $40 less and make it last. If you don’t use cash from an ATM, go through your check book and charge cards for a week (or month) and identify those purchases you could have done without. Total up these “nonsense purchases” and put that amount immediately into a savings account on your next payday. (And don’t cheat!)

Use only one charge card and best if you can pay it off every month.

Don’t use a Debit Card.

Make sure you have a thermostat that you can program a comfortable temperature for when you are in the house. Set the temperature a little warmer or colder (depending on the season) when you are not home. Saves money on electricity and gas bills.

p.s. I'm too frugal to buy this scooter!

G said...

A true conversation between a mother and child when he was picked up from day care:

4yr old to Mother: Mom, did you know little kids can't kiss each other? They can only kiss their mommies and daddies and baby brothers.

Mother: who told you that?

4 yr old: my girlfriend

Mother: did you try to kiss your girlfriend?

4yr old: No, I was trying to kiss the other girls in my class.

G said...

4 yrs old after his zoo field trip: Those monkeys are so silly. The monkeys were pushing their booties together and one was trying to climb the other one while they were walking. Isn't that silly?

Deb said...

-->My 4 1/2 year old son starts Pre-K in three weeks. My MIL is in town and brought supplies to make S'mores. After he was taking a long time to eat dinner I told him no dessert if he didn't eat everything. He said, "But Mommy, I want to eat a Martian that Mamaw brought."
S'mores = Martians which is what he looked like after eating one.

Kaycee said...

Make you laugh about a beginning of the school year thing? Hmm... how about this one. I am a high school teacher who teaches a pretty hard subject for most kids (Chemistry) and I expect them to work from bell to bell (GASP). I hear many interesting things about myself in the hallway but this particular one was face to face. I did my normal thing starting off the school year and for about a week there was a girl in the front row that stared at me the whole class looking puzzled for the first week. Here I am wondering what's going on and if she is confused already. I am considering approaching her more directly than my standard stop by your desk and peek at your work and ask you how it's going (where it appears to be fine for her). After that first week she finally comes up to me after class, looks at me very seriously and says "I don't know why everyone says you are mean and strict. You aren't. I think you are funny and you push us - which is good. The thing is you just don't take any crap from anyone and the rest of them don't like that." And walked away. I stood there for a moment and then busted out laughing. I like being funny, I like pushing them to do well, and why should I take crap from them? I will take that description any day. :)

Kaycee said...

Alrighty, for my second entry how about an END of the school year funny story. I have this posted in my class, it's a cult classic in science circles. It's a black poster with white writing and a drawing of a girl walking with a blind person cane and glasses on. It says "Carol didn't wear her safety goggles, now she doesn't have to". A bit disturbing? Yes, but it does make it's point! It hangs by my goggle cabinet. Toward the end of the year for seniors last year a couple of my AP kids (from the year before) got it in their heads to steal my poster. They convinced the Physics teacher to let them in to take it. They drew a replica poster but with a clown on it that had the same saying but said "Bozo" instead of Carol. It's not in a real noticeable place in my classroom so it took me about 2 weeks to notice it. I was in the middle of teaching when I froze and said "where's my poster??". My current AP kids laughed their heads off. I went on a hunt for kids that knew about it. All of the sudden there were "Carol" reports coming in from all over the building, where kids had seen the poster hanging temporarily in other teacher's rooms. Of course I only heard about it after it moved. It even appeared on the announcements one day! Then they took it over to our sister school and had teachers email me pictures of it in THEIR classrooms. They carried it from place to place in the building zipped under sweatshirts and dashing past my door. I figured I would get it back when the seniors left. But instead of that happening the Seniors all filed into my class randomly one day and presented me with a "Carol" shirt they had made and said they lost control and the sophomores now had the poster. The shirt had a picture of Carol WITH Bozo and it said "Bozo didn't wear his safety goggles, now Carol has a friend". I must admit, it made me laugh. They graduated and left me without my poster but thoroughly entertained. :) We'll see if I get it back in two years or not!

Beth said...

I have a really funny story about the time I took an ambien thinking I would be home ALONE one night. Took the ambien, set the alarm, and away to dreamland I went. Well my two intoxicated friends decided they would crash at my house (you know, because they know where I keep the hidden key - and I normally don't set my alarm at night). WELL they set the alarm off, couldn't wake me up, and did not know my code. So to make a long story short, THREE cops end up at my house. My lovely friends they are hiding in my closet. I wake up standing on my front porch SCREAMING my pass code at the police officers. OH, did I mention I was wearing a VS night shirt and NO panties?!?!?! So, nope...no more ambien for me!

LindaS said...

OK, I both voted, and I have some ideas for saving money.

Every time you resist spending on anything, mark that amount down, and put it in an Ingdirect.com savings account. Since you were going to spend that money anyway, count it already gone. As the amount adds up, realize that the account can be the emergency money you're always being advised to have, and use it for occasions when you would otherwise charge. Then, put back in that amount you would have spent on interest charges. When you're broke, that's when you can't afford to save, but you really can't afford NOT to.

Never carry cash in small quantities - only carry a $20 bill. If you REALLY need to use it, OK, but then take that money, put it in the bank, and get another $20. Too often, when small bills/change are available, they slip through our fingers.

Food wise, I've done best packing my lunch EVERY day. I make up most of it the night before, putting any snacks into small portions, in ziplock baggies. The trick is to have lots of interesting easy-to-eat stuff available (cut-up veggies and fruits, hummus or low cal dips, small serving of yogurt for a snack, mozzarella sticks for a high protein snack, soup, etc).

In the morning, I make a smoothy with frozen fruit and protein powder added; it's like a frozen treat, but good for you.

I make a deal with Girl Scouts at school - the FIRST one to ask, gets a donation - but I make it a cash donation, no cookies. I both have a deductible, and don't add the calories.

Get a walking buddy for after school 2-3 times a week. If it's too hot or too cold, walk indoors. Otherwise, get outside.

Shelly said...

I'll try to do everything on your list, but first up, here's something funny.

My son is 2 1/2, you remember that age right? Well, I knew this day would come, and it did, he drew on his wall with a crayon. Crap! So I googled how to get it off and scrubbed, scrubbed, scrubbed and got it off. Whew! But then it was suspeciously quiet when he was just playing a minute ago. I headed back down to the kitchen to find that he dragged a kitchen chair over the carpet, to the other side of the kitchen island where he was standing with a black permanent marker in his hand. And the countertops are white. Son of a... And of course, by the time I cleaned that off the counter the crayon marks mysteriously appeared in a new color and pattern on his wall.

Okay, now to save you some money. We cut cable in our house. It was an adjustment, but you really won't miss it. I also bring my lunch to work at least 4x/week, but since you are a teacher I'm guessing you eat at school already. The only other advice I have then is to just say no. If a friend wants to meet at an expensive restaurant don't be afraid to say no or to recommend somewhere cheaper. Good luck!

Unknown said...

Kindergarten teachers are my HERO, especially after Junior's K year. I often refer to his teacher as The Jesus of Kindergarten, lovingly of course!! You guys are amazing, insanely brave and talented, thank you for your commitment!!

We made a trip to Wallyworld last night and when we purchased certain pizzas (with a coupon) Junior spotted the TWO boxtop boxes and insisted we get those. "I'm looking out for my school, mama!" We've collected quite a stack over the summer and are hoping to make friends with his first grade teacher. B-R-I-B-E!!

To save grocery money (which is about the only bill area we can truly control) I invested in a FoodSaver vacuum bag system. I buy meats when they are on sale and store them for later. If you can't buy one ($45ish, I got mine as a close-out for $20) the best way to freeze ground meat is by the pound in a quart size ziplock bag (2 lbs use gallon). Leaving bag still open, use your rolling pin to flatten out the meat to just under 1/2". Should fill the bag up leaving you with a big ol' square hunk of meat, makes for space saving in the freezer and thaws out quicker.

How Sweet It Is-A lifestyle blog said...

I want one of those!! I recently suffered a stroke and put on 10 lbs!!!
On second thought, maybe I should stay off it lest I fall and hit my head and get another stroke! HA!
First Entry
funny story to follow

How Sweet It Is-A lifestyle blog said...

Wanna hear a funny story?
Well my 8 year old boy always came home last year with a story about his friend "Ryan". Apparently this kid has a vivid imagination and is quite the fibber. Here's a few anecdotes of several exchanges my son and I had regarding "Ryan the liar" (I know we're terrible!)

Me:Anything interesting happen today Aaron?
Aaron: Yeah. I was talking to Ryan today and he said that when we die our spirits turn into glowing balls. I said "YOU'RE CRAZY, WE DON'T TURN INTO GLOWING BALLS, WE BECOME INVISIBLE!"
Me: Well,Aaron, that's his belief, we have to respect other's beliefs.
Aaron: No, mom, He's a LIAR!! HE ALWAYS LIES (flailing his hands in the air)

How Sweet It Is-A lifestyle blog said...

Another one
Aaron: Mom today my friend John was trying to KISS MY HAND!!
Me: Awww he really loves you.
Aaron: I said to him "DUDE, what are you doing?
Me: It's OK Aaron, Jesus was kissed by his disciples.
Aaron: I'M NOT JESUS!!!

Beth said...

Just to get another chance to win in there.....

G said...

I quit buying soda (pop or whatever your area of the country calls it). I found I was saving a minumum of $10 each time I went grocery shopping. As an alternative I turned to Wyler's lemonade (pink or yellow) and then homemade iced tea and now usually straight tap water. Not only saves me money, it is also healthier!

G said...

Soup and chile is easy and cheap to make. During the winter I make a big pot of chile or soup on Sunday, separate the leftovers into single servings and freeze. When I pack my lunch, I use a bag of soup/chile and it keeps my accompanying fruit chilled. By the time lunch roll around, the soup/chile is mostly defrosted and it only takes a quick zap in the microwave to heat it up.

Bragger said...

Here's my almost-daily entry for the scooter.

I should win, because if I don't I'm probably going to be forced to buy one. I abhor the thought of someone else having something I don't....

Anonymous said...

Love the scooter

jessicaj75aol.com said...

I'm really late to the party.maybe ill only enter once and let fate decide....

jen said...

I'll tip the barrista the next time I go to Starbucks :o)

I do love the Cinnamon Dolce Latte!


jen said...

Two ways to save money--join the grocery game! (www.grocerygame.com) and sign up for the free trial.

Do this before you start the trial--gather the Smart Source and Red Plum coupon inserts and write the date on the cover. (Don't cut the coupons--as you play the game, the website will tell you which ones to clip)

My first shopping trip, we bought 102 items and saved $80!


jen said...

i'd really love to lose my baby weight too--i have 9 month old twins!


Beth said...

Bragger, I am right there with you....if I don't win, I will have to purchase one of these for myself and probably one for my son too!!

Samma said...

the scooter looks fun!
I am too old to remember 1st day of school stories, but there was the time in HS that my BF & I helped out our drama teacher by taking out the trash after a late rehearsal. But the dumpster was wayyyy up high and we couldn't get it up and over. Maybe there was some teenaged girl giggling getting in the way ... Any way, after much struggling, the trash can went up, over and IN the dumpster. We made a token effort to get it out, but ultimately left it there. And, from then on, 'taking out the trash' became one of our favorite laugh lines.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to try to make and freeze tomato soup/paste/sauce/pizza sauce this year to save money. We planted tomato plants for the first time, and I have big plans for the harvest. Wish me luck!

Auntie Pam, who will need to exercise after all that good food!

MaryBeth said...

Too tired to think after the first week of school - but we have the sweetest children in our class, and I'm going to call one of them Frank! Except she is a girl. This is going to be a great year!

Debb said...

No funny stories, no tips to save money... it's the last night of the fair in the hometown ...

Anonymous said...

My 16 yr old son would not smile for a first day of school with his little sister. In order to wrangle a smile from this sour puss, I exclaimed in a high pitched sing-songy voice, "Who's gonna loss their virginity this year?" I love that picture.

Michelle said...

Sure wasn't the first day of school, but my best kindergarten memory has me terrified of paper cutters for life. You know? Those giant cutters that slice through 100 sheets of paper at once? While in K, a classmate brought giant lollipops to share to celebrate his birthday. My dad was a country preacher and we coulnd't afford such extravagant treats unless the grandparents bought them. I ate my lollipop (does this tell how old I am?) while in class, decided I wanted one to take home and stole the one in my neighbors desk. When it was discovered I was the thief, I was taken next door to the teachers lounge and lectured. We stood next to the paper cutter the entire conversation. Never having seen such a contraption used for its purpose, I JUST KNEW my fingers were going to be sliced off as punishment. The four years I taught school, I BEGGED room mothers to do any paper cutting that was needed.

Michelle said...

Are you at all interested in babysitting? Or maybe Golden Boy would like to? I always ate better when I babysat....those parents never knew what was in their pantry anyway. Make a little dough, save a lotta dough eating elsewhere.

Beth said...

one more comment.....for one more chance at winning.

Our Crazy Life said...

My other comment seems to have been lost so I will just tell you that I have been giving VERY generous tips since you opened this contest and seeing the look on the faces of the people recieving it has been priceless!!

Our Crazy Life said...

Trying to save money lately has gotten a bit harder, but we cut down cable to the channels we really watch and saved a ton of money each month. I am also couponing like crazy and trying to find fun activities that are free for us and the kids to do.
Also Freecycle is awesome for getting and giving the things you need or no longer need. And the thrift stores here often have clothing with proce tags still on them from the mall stores, just a bit of dirt to clean up or a minor repair needed and it is good as new!

Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity said...

Pick me!
Here's a story for you . . . when I was teaching jr. high English, we were reading Tom Sawyer. To guide the kids along with their reading, I created crib sheets for each character. Kids filled in descriptions and quotes and doodled pictures of the characters . . . sort of an exercise in getting them to annotate while they read a tough text. Anyway, I had assigned the Huck Finn sheet the night before, and when the bell rang I said loudly and clearly to my 13 and 14 year olds, "Take out your F-uck H-inn papers!"
I did.
I accidentally transposed the H and the F and consequently dropped the F bomb in front of my classroom of pubescent kids.
After I stopped laughing, and THEY stopped laughing, I worried about all of the phone calls that I would get from cranky parents.
I never got one.
Hope I made you laugh and I hope I win the scooter!!!!!:)

Beth said...

I am ready to find out who the winner is...how about everyone else??

Ellie Mae said...

So, I guess I didn't win :( BUT, I thoroughly enjoyed the comments on this post from everyone, especially the last one from "Annie"!!! I would so do that on accident.

Anonymous said...

Did I miss the winner announcement?

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