Don't even bother making a list, cause it will blow up in your face.( God laughs when we make plans, right?)

We walk a fine line most of the time- balancing the many relationships that we have all forged over the years.

We try our very best to maintain a balance with our children- juggling the screaming and yelling matches with the loving embraces and proud moments.  It’s a crap shoot most days, and we pray that we succeed more times than we fail when we guide our children along their journeys. We hope that they don’t make the mistakes that we did- but we know full well that they will. They are, after all, members of this crazy human race, and we can only hope that we are around to help wipe their tears or mend their hearts.

We depend on our friends to reach down and lift us up when we fall, to wipe our tears when they flow and to laugh with us until we cry.  These friends are the glue that helps us put our hearts back together when they are chipped by the everyday challenges of life. They also remind us that laughter is so good for the soul, and cures most ills.

I’ve been thinking about the other relationship that is important to us, the one that we all seek.  You know the one I mean, the love one.  

I’ve spent many years thinking about what I wanted in a real partner.  I thought that I wanted certain important things in that partner. I had a neat list in my heart that I promised myself I would use if I met a man that was vying for the position.

I neglected to think about what that person might want in his partner.  (silly me....)

I’ve been thinking about that these last days, as Mr. Darcy and I continue to find our way in this affair of the heart.  I’ve thought about the kind of person that he deserves, and I’ve wondered.  I’ve wondered what this man (this amazingly good man) could possibly see in this older, crazy, forgetful woman.  Cause trust me, I’m no catch. Oh sure, I can be funny sometimes, and I might clean-up nice once in a while, but yikes.  

I am constantly juggling each month to pay one bill or another; and there is always at least one that has to sit out the month. I have financial responsibilities that I hope will change once everything is final, but until then it will continue to be a challenge.  

I have a crazy barking dog that won’t let anyone near me, and a cat that THINKS he’s a dog, and insists on sleeping on top of my legs each night.

I have two loud, remarkable, wonderful, demanding daughters who are at the top of my list of “Most Important People” and who always seem to need me to get them out of one fix or another.

I have a boy who has chosen to live with his father, and comes to see me when it suits him- or his father.  I am always at the ready, because I never know when he might call for me to pick him up.  (I still tend to cry now and then when my heart reminds me that he is not here. While he reminds ME that he loves me, I can’t wrap my heart around this current situation.)

I cry way too much, I’m forgetful, I’m not a great housekeeper, I’m a financial mess, I manage to get myself into one pickle after another,  and I need to lose those ten (or eleven) pounds I gained after that pesky hip-replacement.

However; when Mr. Darcy looks at me with those beautiful blue eyes – he makes me feel like I’m the most incredible and beautiful woman in the world.

And that’s the item that’s at the tippy top of my list.  

(It’s also the one that makes all of the yucky stuff seem not so yucky after all.)


absees123s said...

OH MY GOSH!! Sitting here with tear and chills...Yes Mr. Darcy!!! Wonderful post...

Mrs. E said...

Yea, Mr. Darcy! He knows a keeper when he sees one. I figure in this world, if you can find someone who makes you laugh, that is about 75% of the battle! Blessings to you, dear girl!

A Speckled Trout said...

But you are REAL and there are so few of those kind of people around.

Scope said...

My wife keeps telling me that she thought she was a mess, too. Still not sure what she's talking about. That superficial stuff never really hit the radar. Oh, sure it blips every now and then, but it's the woman inside that really counts.

Jenny Hart Boren said...

I confess that I've been a bit worried about you (and your current situation) lately, since we hadn't heard. Here's the thing--yes, our kids need such large pieces of us (anytime, anyplace, no warning) but they won't always. A large part of your life will soon be available to share with someone else, you know. Don't push him away because you think he can't make a good decision by choosing you! And even jealous kids (the stinkers!) will eventually realize that YOUR happiness is as important as their own.

Sue said...

When I divorced many moons ago, my middle daughter chose to live with my ex-husband. It hurt. I admire you so much right now because YOU put your heart out there again to Mr. Darcy! Don't ever under estimate yourself on that one! I've never been able to do that since I divorced. I've guarded my heart to avoid ever having to go through the pain again. But you my friend, have gone where many, like myself, wouldn't go. Props to you and be sure to pat yourself on the back from time to time! You did good ;0)

Take care,

Brian Miller said...

do not doubt what he sees...i am sure mr darcy sees beyond any doubts you may have of yourself...and having 'known' you a few years, i think he's getting a pretty fair catch so...

Japolina said...

I think that I'm a mess too and my sweet husband tells me almost everyday how much he loves me and how beautiful that I am. The challenge is to accept the compliment and try to see myself through his eyes and stop picking on myself so much. Mr Darcy sounds like a keeper

Vodka Mom said...

I want to be the woman that he thinks I am.

But we're ALL a work in progress, right? Right.


Cora said...

Well, if you were perfect, you would be boring, right? (That's what I tell myself anyway.)

Marissa said...

VM, I think he is seeing the real you--sometimes it takes someone else's eyes to make us see who we are. And if they happen to be blue sparkly eyes, all the better.

As far as being there in a heartbeat for your kids, that is the sign of a good person. My f-i-l has repeatedly ignored his kids to devote himself to whoever the wife or woman of the moment is, and his grown kids still exhibit the scars and hurt of his selfishness. Luckily they have all rebelled against that pattern and are wonderful parents.
Long term it is important that you are there for them, as long as you carve out Darcy time :-)

Kyddryn said...

You deserve to be loved.

Shade and Sweetwater,
K (who would like to point out to the word verification fairies that techinically, a number isn't a word, so shouldn't it read "Type the two items" or some such, and not "Type the two words"? Just saing...)

Joanna Jenkins said...

A big smile is on my face for you. Despite life's ups and downs, I'd say you're doing pretty darn great and really ARE quite a catch :-)

xo jj

SanH said...

He only sees the amazing in you, and that is exactly why he is a keeper.

ChiTown Girl said...

I'm so relieved that things are still peachy with Mr. Darcy. He obviously sees the REAL you. Just accept this blessing in your life, and stop questioning it already, will ya!!?

Kevin McKeever said...

But I have brown eyes, sweetie. And a wife.

Remember, perfection is dull. It's the irregularities we hold dearest.

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