The Top Ten “Things I’ve Learned” in the last 51 days.
1. The grandmother that works in the nail salon down the road shaves her face with a straight razor when she is sitting at her table waiting for customers. (Without applying shaving cream. And sure, it might have been a Gillette disposable, but oh MAN.)
2. If you follow the directions, you can set up your internet modem, router and cable TV boxes all by yourself. (You heard me.)
3. If you follow the directions you can go to Lowe's, buy a logical replacement and replace the broken handle on your toilet all by yourself. (Thank you Mrs. Jones for that tool kit you gave me for Christmas five years ago.)
4. If you follow the directions, you can bait and set nine mouse-traps that will properly break up the house party that occurs in the middle of the night. (Sure, you may end up with a few sore fingers but no pain, blah, blah, blah.)
5. It will take Sassy all of 2 minutes to inadvertently add a password to your wireless modem thingy. It will take you 2.3 hours and several million phone calls to countries you have never heard of, before finally speaking to a cool guy from the cable company that will help you reset the dang thing yourself.
6. It took Frank 87 days to call me mom. I think it MIGHT have been the first time he was speechless all year. (Oh, and I learned that I have to monitor him more closely at Free Play. It seems he recorded “The Naked Song” onto the 'record yourself' button in the KidPix Program. Oh sure, interrogating him was tons of fun, but honestly….)
7. Zumba class is not meant for a 51 year-old woman with old creaky gymnast knees. (I’m sticking with the circuit training after school and the weight room. And just ignore the aroma of Icy Hot.)
8. I’ve discovered the reason why ladies who live alone might become cat hoarders. (My particular reason is particularly energetic and has been having tea parties with the mice. They’re bff’s.)
9. After writing a newspaper column for 4 years, I am still waiting until the NIGHT before to begin it. Yeah. I’m in college ALL over again. (Sans the tight *$$ and hot boyfriend.)
10. I’ve decided that if each of my 1809 followers sent me $10, I wouldn’t lay awake each night wondering how I’m going to pay my bills, and I MIGHT be able to make an offer on this house that I’m renting. I’m just sayin’. After all, who would keep all these (@*#&$ mice company? (Pass the cheese.) (And, call me crazy, but I DO think that's a paypal button over there. Isn't there a billionaire among one of you?)
(Does anyone else shave their face? For real?) (Oh, and a vote over at babble is just as good. xxx)
