If I don't write it down I'll NEVER remember. (Wait, what was I talking about?)

Vodka’s To-Do list for Wednesday.

1. Remind Golden Boy and the do-good brigade about the talking rules. The new rule at the top of the list? NEVER (and I mean never) say “I’d tap that” in front of your mother when watching girls at the pool.

2. Refill the snack cabinet, the drinks in the fridge and anything that is edible before the brigade comes back over. Who knew that three boys resembling stick figures could eat you out of house and home? (Yeah. I knew. I just FORGOT.)

3. Teach Junior and Munchie how to vacuum after themselves, AND make coffee. (This time remind them to use a filter – and that I like my coffee strong enough to defend itself.)

4. Beg the neighbor to let me use his John Deere riding mower. (My arms and legs are still screaming from the last push-mowing incident. Sweat is highly overrated.)

5. Hide my wallet.

Oh wait, it’s empty.

Never-mind.

(Oh, I almost forgot. Number 6? Remind e-harmony that I am probably not interested in anyone who “figure-skates” in their spare time. I might NOT be that man’s perfect match. I’m just sayin’.)

Just don't look it in the eye.

There’s an elephant in the room.

Let’s be honest.

I try to cover it in glitter, or funny stories about Frank, but the elephant is here in the room nonetheless.

And her name is divorce.

Most of you know I am in the middle of a painful, horrible divorce. We intended, or at least I thought we intended, to handle it like adults. We have three amazing children, who will always have two parents, and while we all have good intentions, divorce is ugly. I said from the beginning to Tightwad, that we will be their parents when the kids grow up, get married and have their OWN children, and that if we handled this properly all would be well. But divorce is ugly.

It’s just plain ugly.

So, I’ve tried very hard to keep this particular pain behind closed doors and out of this blog. But it hasn’t been easy. And frankly, Bitchy and I had a discussion about it not long ago. I shared with her that I was having a very, very difficult time writing.

“But mom, your blog is like your journal, you HAVE to write about what is happening. That is WHAT you DO. You write about your life- about our lives. You’ve written about everything ELSE for God’s sake! Just do it!”

And I’ve wanted to. I’ve wanted to write about everything that is happening, but I just don’t know how. I’m not sure if I trust what might end up on paper when I’m in a painful and angry state.

I know from experience, that things that go out on the internet are there forever. In fact, I’ve tested that theory MORE THAN ONCE, and yep; it’s true. That means that sometimes you get to re-live your mistakes over and over and over again. What fun.

And so I tread lightly as I open up about this horrible roller coaster.

I am hopeful that we are coming to a place where perhaps we can end this chapter, and move forward in an attempt to repair our separate lives.

And through it all, I am wondering about what my life will look like.

It’s scary as hell. But lately, I am less scared and more hopeful than I have been in a long, long time.

Hope.

That is what is I spot on the horizon.

I am TRYING to be in a bad mood but apparently the forces of nature have other plans.(aka I still love Steve.)

I'm in a bit of a funk. Or at least I was trying very HARD to remain in my funk.

However, here are the top five things that have sunk my funk.

5. In my new backyard (aka five gazillion acres of farmland and woods) I discovered the (grand)mother of all raspberry patches. PIE FOR EVERYONE!!!

4. An amazing blogger, photographer and friend sent me one HUNDREDTH of what she has stashed in the (grand) mother of all craft closets. (I'm not kidding- Martha Stewart would be (@*# jealous.)

3. Someone who knows me a bit too well sent me a free sample. Yes. It's Vodka. Now THAT'S what I'm talking about. (However, it's a "set for two." Anyone have a kind, honest, funny, amazing, employed, available "friend" for me? Give me a jingle, cause I'm about ready.)

2. My sister's MANY trips to the Goodwill, Thrift Shop and yard sales have paid off for me once AGAIN!! (Ah Steve, you are so lucky I don't live in Maine.)

1. MY attempt at yard sale-ing today paid off in a BIG way. However, I'm still shocked that Mr. King has a picture of me on one of his first books. Do you think perhaps he was stalking ME??

Now someone pass me a cigar and a martini. I am living large tonight, people.

Living large.