These are some cool hidden talents that I've developed after years of working with children. Some are talents I never knew I had, and some are talents I never really wanted.
I can tell who had Mexican food for dinner after one quick walk through around the room.
I can quiet a room in three claps and three snaps.
I can tie ten pairs of shoes in less than two minutes-double knotted.
I can recall the first name of any previous student one minute into a conversation. (It takes tad bit longer if it’s during a Oregon State tailgating party at Smith Stadium.)
I can keep a straight face when Jack tells me the reason he is scratching is because his penis is stuck in his booty.
I can read the whole story that Claire wrote even though she used a few letters, some numbers, and a couple of Chinese symbols she learned from Hong-Bo. (Pssst…it always helps to use the pictures to guide you.)
I can read aloud a picture book, reach into my pocket and hand a child a tissue for a large deposit while never missing a beat in the story. (That took some practice.)
I can fly across the room with a garbage can in less than 15 seconds without knocking over any kids.
Put me in a room with 24 five-year-olds for 2 hours, and I can tell you who’s an only child.
I can get permanent marker, glitter glue, paint and colored pencils off any table in the classroom. (I know where the janitor hides the good stuff.)
I can put the teeny tiny arms and legs onto the lego-man’s body with one snap. I don’t even need my reading glasses for that.
I know who’s decided to “borrow” the lego-man for the night after one quick glance around the group that is sitting criss-cross applesauce on the carpet.
I can swoop, make the pick-up, and swing around the child who’s ready to cry after her mommy left. Sometimes we even make it to the prize box. (Whoever said bribery doesn’t work has never worked with children.)
I can steer a conversation from animals to mammals to rabbits having babies to baby sisters to something not appropriate and back to animals smoother than any NASCAR driver out there. (Let’s see Dale Earnhardt Junior do that!)
I can take a dead guinea pig to our resident guinea pig mother, replace it with one that looks NOTHING like the other one, and teach the children about guinea pig magic without skipping a beat. (Her name is Mrs. Smythe- and she knows everything there is about guinea pigs! As far as the harsh realities of life- they have plenty of time to learn about that.)