8/28/09

A Series of Unfortunate Events...

Dear Tightwad, (I mean the Blessed One…)

I thought I’d fill you in on all the fun things that have been happening here at home. While this working away from home during the week has done wonders for our, um, marriage stuff, it’s been a bit challenging doing the single parent thing. (Although my friends seem to think I’ve been doing it for years.)

First, the Golden Boy shattered the ceiling light in the stairwell that leads from the kitchen to the basement. It seems he really IS taller than the stairwell, and when he tripped towards the bottom his hand went up to catch himself and it shattered the huge bulb into a million pieces. I wasn’t home at the time, but after he realized he wasn’t hurt, he actually cleaned the mess up HIMSELF! With a SHOP-VAC! I still can’t believe it.

Second, Sassy began the week a scary, screaming, emotional wreck. I won’t go into the sordid details, but whatever you do, do NOT mention the letters PMS or look her in the eye. She’s finally back to normal and thanks to the mind-erasing machine she has built into her psyche, she doesn’t seem to remember treating us like crap all week. We’ve got about three weeks of peace until it starts again.

Third, my car died a smoky, screeching death in the center of town yesterday. Yeah, the university students are back. No, they haven’t finished the construction on the main street that goes through downtown. Standing by my car in the middle of that chaos while waiting for the tow truck was a treat. Did I mention it was raining yesterday? Did I?

Oh, and when you get home today, can you take Golden Boy aside and tell him it is NOT a good idea to try to show his mother the various places on his body where hair is growing. There are some things I DON’T need to see. Ever.

You probably won’t see me all weekend because I’m finally allowed in my classroom and will be working my *** off to put it back together. Wait, can I have your keys? I forgot - I’m vehicle-less.

Love,

Me.

72 comments:

Real Live Lesbian said...

Again, you make me so glad I have dogs! ;)

Wanna borrow my bike?

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

oh my. have a little drink honey, you deserve it...

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

hair? (groan) ps

Sue said...

Isn't life just dandy at times! I just take it one day at a time or otherwise they would have to pull out the straight jacket for me!!

Irish Chicken Soup said...

"It will be okay".

Chant 5 times, take a bubble bath, and drink some green tea. That's what I do. Or in your case, feel free to replace the tea with the alcoholic beverage of your choice.

buffalodick said...

Cars are not magic, they are machines.. FORD used to mean- Fix Or Repair Daily! Good luck, and may regular maintenance for car befall you...

The Stiletto Mom said...

What a week! Have fun getting your room ready...my kids classrooms are adorable this year!!!

Elaine said...

But Tightwad - aka Blessed One - doesn't read your blog! I hope you will share all of these events with him?

Captain Dumbass said...

I couldn't imagine wanting to show my mother where all the new hair was growing.

*shudder*

Vodka Logic said...

I am going out for spiked cucumber martinis tonight...wanna come. Call me lol

xx

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Send in the clowns!!

Ask Tightwad for a full-body massage when he gets in. Then you return the favor ...

Mags said...

Now, this is what I call a love letter!!! LOL

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

After that hellacious week, it sounds like you'll need your own mind-erasing machine!

Brian Miller said...

poke yourself in the eye, you'll forget all about the hair...

university students back here too...size of the town triples...not to mention traffic...grrr....sorry you car broke down...blah...

happy friday

CSY said...

Oh, HONEY!!! Your week scares me! I have 2 boys...does this mean they're gonna try to show me their hairy stuffs? YUK!!!! I see enough of it from their DAD!!! GROSS!!! BOYS ARE GROSS!!! except when they're not. Have fun in School!!!

Sprite's Keeper said...

Hm, not one comment about Bitchy. Could it be? Is the spell broken? :-)
xoxo

Jan said...

*sigh* I feel your pain. Well, about the single parent thing, a foaming-at-the-mouth 17 yo daughter, and a hair-sprouting son.

Maybe we both need a martini.

Jeanette said...

That was hysterical.

darsden said...

Oh vodka mom I am so sorry to hear about your troubles..and this brought tears to my eyes why...cuz I LMFAO you are hilarious even in trouble your humor comes shinning through!

WeaselMomma said...

Sounds like you've had quite a week. Thank goodness you are Vodka Mom.

Jeff D'Antonio said...

I have girls. They keep their new hair growth to themselves.

But again, will you STOP with the 'scary teenagers with PMS' stories. Mine just got the talk yesterday. This is all happening WAY too fast.

Keyona said...

Poor Vodka Mom. Even the letters PMS scare me but I don't go around terrorizing everyone. I think.

And thanks again for reminding me why I DON'T want any boys.

Rick Daley said...

How convenient that you car incorporated death and cremation into a single step. Many would not be so fortunate in their vehicular demise. Perhaps you are the Blessed One.

SkylersDad said...

If you play your cards right, I'll show you where my hair is growing!

Gaston Studio said...

LOL, but I'm with Captain Dumbass... and I'm a girl! Maybe you'll get a new car out of it.

Joanna Jenkins said...

I yi yi yi, what a week.

Time for a drink. It's cocktail hour somewhere.

xo

Tammy Howard said...

Can you sleep at the school? The kids probably think you do anyway...

Crys said...

OH man, sounds like a rough go there. Hopefully Tightwad ... oops! The Blessed One will be able to help out some.

confused homemaker said...

sorry about the car situation...

Julie said...

Take two margaritas and call me in the morning.

Hillbilly Duhn said...

The most my eldest has shown me is his armpit hair. That was enough. Boys can be, disturbing.

Sorry about the car, hope everything turns out in the end!!

lisa said...

Men would be rocking in the corner drooling if they had to deal with your week.

Do what your name suggests..VODKA!

lisa said...

Oh and I forgot to mention that I adding cranberry juice and sprite in with the vodka makes a very delightful drink...but a not so delightful morning after.

Scope said...

I think it is time to pour yourself an adult beverage or three, find a nice place to sit, and then announce to everyone in the house that you are making the Chore List of tasks that need done while you are working on your class room.

If they have half a brain, they will skatter.

Suzy said...

Is that the car you stole while driving drunk with your 3 kids strapped to the roof with nungee cords?

Stereos and Souffles said...

Your next vehicle should be something really cool...like a vespa! You could drive right up to your classroom. Plus I think they only seat one person comfortably so you could get some alone time. :-)

Amy said...

Drugs. . . drugs are good!! I think I'm having an anxiety attack after reading this!
Oh, and can I just say again. . I am so thankful that I don't have any girls!!
Hope you find a moment of peace this weekend!

Aria said...

OK, so you know the fact that Golden Boy cleaned up after himself is like the biggest bestest present ever, because now you're positive that he knows how to do it! Buhsted Boy! As for the three unmentionable letters, I suggest full body armor.

Mrs. D said...

Well at least you have your classroom to escape to, even if you do have to walk to get there.

Mrs. K said...

that's why i'm glad i insisted early on about separate bank accounts...no one can tell me i can't have that facial, or whatever it is i want to get...and i wish i had an spare to share with you- i only have a scooter or a kid's bike- want one? :(

only a movie said...

Scrambling to put my classroom together too.
Have a good weekend. Hope your car mends soon.

xxoo

The Mind of a Mom said...

Oh see The girl's dad found that out that you never look them in the eyes, especially when you are stuck with them in a car and have 358 km of road ahead and the next road side stop is closed due to construction. LoL

Beth said...

Good grief. I had blocked out the times when my boys tried to show me hairs growing. My eyes, my eyes!!!

Good luck getting your room set up. Hope you have a room full of sweet children.

Desert Songbird said...

I can relate. My husband was worked away from home many times, and each time some disaster or mini-disaster has happened. Sigh.

Gayle said...

What is it will boys and showing mom the new hair. Ewww! I told my son I'd have to hurt him if he tried that again!

I hate single parenting. Got married for a reason. I single parent most of the time. It sucks.

A Mom on Spin said...

How DO they erase all those rotten things from their memory and act like nothing ever happened???

Are they really taken over by aliens?

Twenty-Something said...

What a week! Your a trooper!

Elenka said...

All that AND school starting! I have 3 more days then back to the classroom for me, too. Where the heck was the summer? Oh, yeah, it was here a week ago for about 1 week. What more could I want??
ugh

Maggie said...

How long is your drive? I have skates!

Yeah, pms is awful I get real bitchy too! :X

Jan said...

At least this week was good blogging material. I have been following you on twitter so I knew this was coming.

Paige said...

This running things by ourselves crap while the mens are out playing at far away jobs is not as easy as it looks is it?

I too stood on the corner downtown in the rain today. Odd coincidence

Midwest Mommy said...

Oh no!!

Joanie said...

See, this is where you're lucky to have Tightwad to handle the Golden Boy hair thing. Me? I hear about it endlessly, though I've been spared the visuals. I keep saying I don't need to know, but I think the boy takes delight in making me scrunch my face up funny.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Take good care, Vodka Mom. This, too, shall pass. Some day....

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Briefcase travels all the time. Without fail the cars only break down when he's gone. This week I was at the ER with my son's football injury while he was gone. He misses all the GOOD stuff.

flutter said...

why don't you take a little air mattress with you to your classroom and take a nap?

LadyFi said...

Your week made me laugh...

Ok.. pulling myself together now to say something wise and wonderful...

Sorry... hahahaha!

It's a wonder you survived!

9uy said...

I found your blog thanks to SITS. Your comment wasn't posted before mine but I'm glad I found your blog. I like original musings. Have a great weekend!

b luis grey said...

I went to go watch a movie today. Turns out the time wasn't good for my date. She had to work tonight. We decide to do dinner instead. We walk from the theater to a restaurant. When we finally reached the restaurant on foot we were overjoyed. There it is we shouted right before I almost stepped on a dead rat. I stopped and shouted and she looked down and screamed along side me. She dug her nails into my hands (we were holding hands).
Rejoicing quickly followed by shocking disgust. Dinner was good though, I think...
It makes for an interesting day. Your day tops the list of interesting day of unfortunate events.

Jenni Jiggety said...

Everything is turning to crap...it must be back to school time...

:::Sobs:::

Sandee said...

Hubby is working? Wonderful. Really wonderful.

I'm so glad that I'm done raising kids. They are such a delight.

I'm telling you right now that you will love the grand babies. It's all about the payback they will get. Bwahahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day. :)

Not The Rockefellers said...

The car felt you weren't paying enough attention to it.

Tell Golden Boy he should keep a hair growth journal..and not online...

Sassy's mind erasing machine..so it's like "50 First Periods"...lovely

Hubby is working...that is a blessing.

Love ya!

Peace - Rene

Sue said...

I think Tightwad should show up at the door with a brand spanking new car just because you had to put up with Sassy during the (pms, shhhh) time.
If he didn't...head for the vodka.

Debbie said...

Just another normal week in your life, eh?

Jeanne said...

I'm so glad he got a job -- especially since now you need a car....

Mrs. E said...

So you're back to school? Sounds like life is about like normal. OK, maybe a bit worse than normal. Is it wrong of me to laugh at your troubles?! (Well, everything but that car business. Cars should just start when we turn the key and need nothing more than gas.)

otin said...

I didn't want my mother to see my bedroom, let alone my pubes! LOL!

just making my way said...

More vodka!! But maybe wait until after you decorate your classroom - don't want the alphabet letters all askew!

anymommy said...

I might be laughing, but it's with you!!

Ekanthapadhikan said...

Dear, dear! I had a good laugh at that. Not many people can put humour in their words with your ease.

Kudos!

Eva Gallant said...

Too funny...as usual!


just thought I'd drop by and say hi!

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KaLynn said...

OH MY GOSH!! You are hilarious! I sooo get what say! I WAS a single mom of FOUR!! 2 boys and 2 girls!! And they all wondered why I wanted to drink!!! Try having TWO SASSY's at one time!!! Good Luck!! I have a shoulder and we can have drinks fixed in seconds! Come on by!!

KaLynn