10/15/09

An Open Apology to the Shoppers of Smith’s Upscale Market in Smythe, Oregon.


Ahem. If you were unfortunately shopping at the popular market in town (that specializes in delicious prepared food) tonight, I humbly apologize for my family’s behavior.

I tried to take Bitchy out for a little birthday treat (She choose the place, people, not me.) when our plans went horribly awry. How was I to know that Sassy and The Golden Boy would engage in a screaming match in front of the Sushi display case? How was I to know that their heated exchange would get louder and meaner by the second?


And, because I was already exhausted from my hectic life as BASICALLY a single parent, I had about as much patience as, well, any OTHER (single parent) kindergarten teacher at 5 pm after a day with no specials or breaks.


Before I realized where we were, or what I was doing, I started screaming right with them.


Next time I offer to do anything nice for anyone, somebody stop me.


Now, if you'll excuse me I am going to my room. I've put MYSELF in a time-out.



(And Cheezus *&^%$#, if someone around here doesn't help me with these *&^%$ dogs, we're having mystery meat for dinner tomorrow night. And it ain't beef.)












49 comments:

sun lover said...

Wow this can't be happening, I am a lurker who has often wanted to comment but never does because well gee-sh there is like always already 80, and now here I have the chance to be 1st and wouldn't you know it, I got nothing good to say.

Love your blog. I am a former kindergarten teacher who now stays at home with my 3 kids. Your blog often reminds me why I loved teaching that grade so much.

♥ Braja said...

Yay, it's not beef!!! Free the cows! Free the cows!!

OK so the neighbors will be pissed at their dogs goin' missin'....so what???

BTW, dinner, next time? I'm comin'. Consider me the official Grown Child Bonafide Abuse Giver. Oh, it works...

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Some days....

You've made it to Thursday. You can do Friday- then home free. Meanwhile, scream into your pillow.

LegalMist said...

I've always loved the irony of me screaming at my kids to be quiet.

I think you have to do it at least once a month to be in the official "parent club."

LadyFi said...

breathe deeply! And if you went out with the dogs, then you're not at home to hear the kids ranting anymore.

Win -win?

If not, break out the vodka!

3 Men and a Lady said...

Hey what family doesn't fight over sushi?

Alex said...

It's all good, my voice is all hoarse at screaming at the kids to stop screaming...do as I say not as I do!

Perfect mother logic. I have to scream because no one ever bloody listens anyway. Maybe I don't speak loud enough.

Vodka Logic said...

And it's not like you kids are toddlers..I feel your pain. I'll bring the vodka and we can have that time out together

Secretia said...

So dog chow is on the menu again?
dry or stewed?

Secretia

Tammy Howard said...

I hate it when they force ME to behave badly right along with them. Grrrr.

Puppies. It's what's for dinner.

Hit 40 said...

Great work performing a little performance art for your community!! We shall title it "Hormones of the Teen Years" by Sassy.

otin said...

Looking at sushi usually makes me scream, also! :)

Brian Miller said...

what! sushi is the bomb! i have a great recipe for the "not beef" if you need it...and all chik-fil-a mascots rejoice!

momcat said...

Thank goodness I'm not the only one!

WeaselMomma said...

I'm just going to whistle softly to myself as I slowly back out of the room.

Middle Aged Woman said...

My former co-workers don't realize how fortunate they are to be guaranteed 1-2 prep periods per day.

Meanwhile, I mayhve to report you and your readers to the SPCA...Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Adults.

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

OMG..you are too funny...and I sooo can relate. I put myself in time out regularly...I only wish I could get the full 39 mins...

I didn't realize it was possible for other people in the house to help with the dogs...hmmm...let me know how that works out for ya!

Julie said...

I'm here getting caught up on blog reading, finally! Happy Thursday!

Michele said...

The dogs are probably a lot less work than the kids. I'm just sayin'

Snappy Di said...

Maybe you could buy a copy of the store's security tape and show us what happened? LOL

Di

Joanie M said...

THIS is exactly why I love my empty nest syndrome!

Gaston Studio said...

Next time that happens, try walking out of whereever you are and just leaving them to be stared at by the patrons. It might make them think twice about doing it again. Just saying.

And forget screaming into a pillow; go outside and just scream your head off...it releases a lot of built up tension.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Isn't watching the kids fight, and fighting right along with them, a great way to start a nice evening. Almost as good as the morning fights.
Well, look on the bright side: you might be serving mystery meat, but I'll be it'll beat last night's sushi.

for a different kind of girl said...

Oh, we can put ourselves as parents into time out?!? Guess what I'll be doing this afternoon...

;)

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Haaa! Mystery meat ... with a tail.

Getting By Day by Day said...

LOL... This post cracked me up! I have 4 children and when I take them out all at once (which is rare these days... LOL), things tend to go berserk! I can totally relate!

Coffee with Cathy said...

We've got to know: What was it about the sushi selection that ignited such a screaming match??? You can't tease us this way!

CatLadyLarew said...

I see we're all having a lovely time again! Go soak your head in a Vodka martini!

Elenka said...

Don't know what to say. I do know, from experience, the extreme tiredness from teaching all day and then having to do something else and appear to be normal.
Sometimes I'm ready for bed at 7pm!!!

Stereos and Souffles said...

Rut row, kids and dogs...how do you do it? :-)

SkylersDad said...

Was the finale of the event they guy behind the sushi counter asking you if it was that time of the month?

Magpie said...

I hope today is better.

Desert Songbird said...

Yeah, I've done the "single parent" thing several times in the past few years. NOT. FUN. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, open them and then pour yourself a large vodka cranberry.

There? Doesn't that make you feel better? *grin*

Linda said...

About the only upside to a family who shares social anxiety issues, is that public scenes like that don't happen.

The screaming stays at home.

Sue said...

I'm glad to see we share the same ability to get on any age level in life! Believe me, I can "go there" with my three year granddaughter! I keep waiting to grow up but hey, maybe it REALLY is better this way!

Ladybird World Mother said...

Am just so wishing that I could have been there to see all of this... would make me feel a whole lot better about my shouting at children... and anyone In the Way. xxx

Wendy said...

Don't worry VM. At least you made alllll the other people in the place feel good about themselves. "At least WE don't treat each other like that..... in public.......... this week."

Besides, you always gotta look at the bright side; at least none of the three of you had a gun! =-)

(Whatever. Now I'm going back to my corner.)

Ambiance in the Attic said...

Sitting here serving the Grey Goose! It happens to all of us. Sometimes they need to know they make us crazy. It also helps them to know how much they are loved ~ that sounds twisted but it's true!

madtexter said...

Oooooooh! I would've never dreamed of acting out like that in public (I'm referring to the kids, not you)

If I had acted like that when I was a kid, my mother would've spanked me good. One time, she broke a hair brush over my arse. I started busting out laughing so hard, she started laughing too, and soon forgot what she was punishing me for.

To this day, I wish I'd kept that brush, so I could give it to her as a gag gift.

madtexter said...

Oooooooh! I would've never dreamed of acting out like that in public (I'm referring to the kids, not you)

If I had acted like that when I was a kid, my mother would've spanked me good. One time, she broke a hair brush over my arse. I started busting out laughing so hard, she started laughing too, and soon forgot what she was punishing me for.

To this day, I wish I'd kept that brush, so I could give it to her as a gag gift.

staceyjwarner said...

Did you buy vodka?

SSP said...

It is so rare that we actually see a REAL drama erupt in public like that - were you really "there" IN the moment? or did you feel sorta separate, like you were in a scene from a movie??

Jenni Jiggety said...

I am CERTAIN those days are coming my way...

Deb Thaxton said...

-->Hot dogs for supper? Poo Poo platter?

Anna See said...

dog, the other white meat?

wishing for you mercies that are new every morning! and a day with art, music, health, p.e., guidance, library and any other "special" you can think of.

Barrie said...

You deserve a big whopping treat! Like diamonds or something expensive and shiny.

Pastor Sharon said...

Wow. . . sounds like a moment. . . don'tcha just hate it when that happens. . .

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KaLynn said...

Girl!! You kill me!! I feel your pain!!! I WAS a single mom of FOUR! We have now nicknamed the oldest daughter, now 26, the wicked witch of the west! Hope yours grows out it before my has!! Good luck!!!!

KaLynn