10/30/09

Wait, are those antlers REAL???


I’m proclaiming today “Random facts about Vodka” day. I give you a few tidbits about my crazy life. Buckle up people:

1. I took a cross-country trip from my home in Tiny Town, Pennsylvania to California (to live) several months after graduating from University of Smyhte at Smeethtown. I went with a girl from Australia and a redheaded fella from West Virginia that I met while working as a bartender at Ocean City, Maryland that summer. I STILL can’t believe my mother let me go, and if she were alive today I would drop to my knees and thank her for having the courage to let me go. (However, if Sassy were to say she wanted to go I might pack her bags myself.)

2. During said cross-country trip I won a beer chugging contest at a crowded bar on the levee in St. Louis. I ROCKED and we all drank for free that whole night. Needless to say, we had to make many stops the next day as I puked my way across several states.

3. I was a bartender in a, um, gentleman's club in San Diego for several months. I DID wear clothes (I was not as voluptuous as the waitresses’, but I had been a gymnast for TEN years, so I wasn't too shabby) and my roommate ended up making a BOATload of money whipped cream wrestling there once a week. (She was a bit crazy.) However, I did laugh hysterically at her the first time she went onstage wearing the deer antlers she found at the local Goodwill tied to her head. She fell flat on her a** and the antlers went flying. Jesus, I’m still laughing about that one.

4. When I lived in California I was invited to a lovely Christmas Dinner at the incredible home of a rich, well-to-do family who had befriended us. I decided to bring my Grandmother’s famous Christmas Bean Soup (a tradition of my mother’s large Slovak family…). I forgot how GASSY everyone would get after eating it. Needless to say, I have NEVER served that at a party since. NEVER!!!!!

5. Two summers ago I had a jewelry party at my house (against my better judgment) for a friend of mine. When the consultant was preparing her grand displays, my son proudly said to her, “My mother said that if she weren’t HOSTING this party, she would NEVER be going to it.” It appears he has inherited the foot-in-mouth gene from my side of the family.

6. When I was studying for my teaching degree at San Diego State, I did my student teaching at an elementary school in Solana Beach. One of the girls in my class was Angelah Colley- the daughter of John Ford Colley. Remember England Dan and John Ford Colley? That was cool. (She was a little doll.)

7. I went to law school for two years in San Diego before my mother died suddenly, which sent my into (I have finally realized) a breakdown. (My father died suddenly seven years earlier.) I decided I would probably die young, and didn’t want to spend my life listening to people’s problems. I went back to school and got my teaching degree. I have never, ever regretted it. Not really. Well, maybe the money thing. Maybe.

8. I know I told some of you this before, but it demands repeating. One day when I was teaching fifth grade, I wore pajamas to school. I thought they were classy daywear from V. Secret, but the girls kept saying, "Mrs. Smith, are you wearing pajamas?” When I got home I called my sister, who sent them to me, and she said, “Hell YES they’re pajamas!” So there. Dang.

9. I love my kids so much it hurts. Really.

10. I’ve written two children’s books. I’m determined to get them published, even if they DO stink. Good grief, I AM a teacher, don’t I have an INKLING what teachers and kids like? Just an inkling???

11. My favorite, favorite, favorite movies are Lord of the Rings; Bridget Jones Diaries; The Shawshank Redemption; Cold Mountain; Pride and Prejudice and Hellboy. I watch them every time they are on TV, and the girls make TOTAL fun of me. I don’t give a crap. (I love Hellboy’s line “How can we pick up anyone when we ride around in a GARBAGE truck?”).


I have more embarrassing and hysterical memories, but I don’t want to reveal my true self all at once.


Call it playing hard to get.

65 comments:

Secretia said...

I like you this way, Vodkamom. I think you're very cool! Life on a zig-zagging train, one that turns into a roller coaster or a merry-go-round. That's a lot of fun!

Sincerely, Secretia

momcat said...

They should give teachers the same salaries as lawyers, seriously! I know you deserve it if not more then just as much.

Beth said...

So you have a past?! I thought you were perfect!

Really, you are. :)

only a movie said...

So many teachers have that law school story.
I think the trade off is well worth it.

Brian Miller said...

nope just happy to see you... about the antlers...

very cool. i spent a summer in ocean city as well.such an interesting person VM.

The Peach Tart said...

I love you more hearing about your path. I would be honored to have you teach my child.

Frau said...

You were a wild child no wonder your girls give you a run for your money!!

Jan said...

Considering the fact you'd pack Bitchy's bags for her if she were to ask to drive across the country, I wonder if your mother had a celebration you were unaware of after you drove down the street?

*sigh* I wish I lived next door to you.

Jeanne said...

Love the Paula P quote in your sidebar!

(And your revelations, of course.)

Smart Mouth Broad said...

You've got me singing, "Memories" and believe me, I'm not Barbra. *sigh*

smiles4u said...

What great memories. Mostly likely these are the things that have helped make you into the wonderful teacher,mom and person that you are.

Alix said...

So if you ever decide to go back to beer chugging... do it in your pajamas and I'll sell tickets.

Scope said...

Sassy's not going on a road trip. Nor is Bitchy or Golden Boy.
THEY
ARE
NEVER
LEAVING
HOME!

Happy Halloween!

(Yes, and I know there are days when that is the most terrifying thought, and days when that is the greatest thought, ever.)

Gaston Studio said...

Great reading the second time around, just as much as the first. Love that you have a "past" and are a "real" person.

slouchy said...

Love number eight! LOVE IT!

Kat said...

I have puked across several states as well, but it was because I was pregnant.

3 Men and a Lady said...

I am still waiting to see those pajamas/school teaching clothes!

Rachel Cotterill said...

How's that #10 going? Seems a while since you gave us an update.

Tammy Howard said...

You are a wild and untamed thing!

plo said...

That was a blast to read! At first, I thought you were going to tell us how vodka was made or something. I had that trip planned with two friends as well, it never happened...one of them did go...and he is now a camera man for CSI! I wouldn't last a minute in CA.

Joanie M said...

Wow!! You have led and interesting life! The most unusual thing I ever did was sell pot to a girl in my class in high school (Catholic high school!). SO glad I didn't get caught! The dumb shit you do for your boyfriend.

Under the Influence said...

Love #5. Have found myself in similar situations with my kids and their mouths.

J. L. Krueger said...

It's amazing what we can become if we survive our youth!

My wife hates Cold Mountain...she wanted a happy ending.

We're down to the last one (kid). And she's at a military academy. The wife swears she has no "empty nest" feelings...except for me still being in Afghanistan. Without the doggies she might be lonely.

J. L. Krueger said...

It's amazing what we can become if we survive our youth!

My wife hates Cold Mountain...she wanted a happy ending.

We're down to the last one (kid). And she's at a military academy. The wife swears she has no "empty nest" feelings...except for me still being in Afghanistan. Without the doggies she might be lonely.

J. L. Krueger said...

It's amazing what we can become if we survive our youth!

My wife hates Cold Mountain...she wanted a happy ending.

We're down to the last one (kid). And she's at a military academy. The wife swears she has no "empty nest" feelings...except for me still being in Afghanistan. Without the doggies she might be lonely.

J. L. Krueger said...

It's amazing what we can become if we survive our youth!

My wife hates Cold Mountain...she wanted a happy ending.

We're down to the last one (kid). And she's at a military academy. The wife swears she has no "empty nest" feelings...except for me still being in Afghanistan. Without the doggies she might be lonely.

J. L. Krueger said...

It's amazing what we can become if we survive our youth!

My wife hates Cold Mountain...she wanted a happy ending.

We're down to the last one (kid). And she's at a military academy. The wife swears she has no "empty nest" feelings...except for me still being in Afghanistan. Without the doggies she might be lonely.

J. L. Krueger said...

It's amazing what we can become if we survive our youth!

My wife hates Cold Mountain...she wanted a happy ending.

We're down to the last one (kid). And she's at a military academy. The wife swears she has no "empty nest" feelings...except for me still being in Afghanistan. Without the doggies she might be lonely.

just making my way said...

Wow - J.L. Krueger really wanted to get his point across! (Kidding, JL - I'm sure that was a blogspot issue)

Shawshank Redemption is awesome.

plainolebob said...

VM, I love it when the past is revealed, lol. My friends and followers were surprised to find out I was a hippie hick.
BIG HUGS

Elenka said...

OK, interesting..
What we have in common...
I'm 100 percent Slovak.....
I'm a teacher....
I've driven across several states...
I've puked, but not across several states...
Parts of Shawshank Redemption take place where I live (NOT in prison!)
I love my 'one' kid so much it hurts, too...
I've been to Ocean City...
Would love to write a children book someday.
My kids in school wear pajama bottoms to school...
That's it. Happy Weekend. Dovidenia.

Sue said...

I love the San Diego area, especially Solona Beach. I'm about an hour & half away. Love Bridget Jones Diary as well. And can relate to so many of your embarrassing moments. Our store is like 15,000 sq.ft. One morning I was wearing a summer dress and had gone to the bathroom which is in the back of the store. I never knew my dress was stuck in the back of my "panties". You would think you would notice, nope. But the good, the bad, the ugly and the hysterical is what and who we are today. Thanks for sharing, you made my morning.

Fragrant Liar said...

I love that you wore pj's to work. I really do.

And whenever Bridget Jones comes on? I'm on the couch, glued to the screen. I HEART the hell out of that movie.

Plus, I respect you more, now that I know you worked in a, um, Gentleman's club...

CK Lunchbox said...

Yes, I've always envisioned you as a wild child...

SkylersDad said...

I love hearing these stories from your past, and I remember that "gentleman's club". Your friend did the whipped cream and you did the jello, is that right?

Steven Anthony said...

so that was you at that ...um....gentlemens club....I knew it...lol

TexasRed said...

This is a great list!

(BTW - good call on not becoming a lawyer. Your world sounds much more blog-worthy than mine.)

Sprite's Keeper said...

One of my dreams is to see you published.
Gawd's honest truth.
xoxo

Captain Dumbass said...

I thought of you this morning when I saw the goodie table in my son's class this morning. Halloween must be entertaining for you.

Trac~ said...

LOL love all of your confessions - TOO FUNNY! Thanks for sharing and have a great Halloween weekend! :o)

Ambiance in the Attic said...

You are too cool! Never give up on publishing your books. We all love to read your blog, I'm sure your books are awesome!

Suzy said...

I'm extremely worried about how that deer got fish netting in his antlers. I had no idea they could swim.

justsomethoughts... said...

loved it, loved it, loved it.

i'd read ten more just like that.

great stuff.

Sparkless said...

Ohhh my you do have an interesting and checkered past. I hope you get those books published.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

A chugging contest? I think I'm impressed; even in my heyday that would not have been possible. I loved England Dan and John Ford Colley!
Don't give up the writing dream. It's mine too. I have 2 novels written. Perseverance!

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

heheh! Can I have the soup recipe?!?

madtexter said...

WOW! So many more pieces to the puzzle. What is that deer saying in that picture? "Knit one, pearl two..."

Anna See said...

super fun! i loved hearing all of these. we like a lot of the same movies... but never seen hellboy. is it scary??

angela said...

I "loved " this blog! It made me laugh and smile and it was just wonderful to read it!

Trooper Thorn said...

Did John FC ever come to class and sing "It's Sad to Belong to Someone Else When the Right One Comes Along" to you? That would have been cool.

The Mind of a Mom said...

hahahahha oh my gosh that is funny a deer dressed up as Dame Edna! LoL
Happy Halloween
Hope you have a spooktacular weekend

SweetPeaSurry said...

Ahhh I love your tidbits, and don't we all have a slew of them lurking in the background? Can't wait to hear more.

Blessings!

Eva Gallant said...

I'm blown away by the number of followers!

just dropped by from sits; hope you'll do the same,

Julie said...

Just getting caught up on my blog reading....

♥ Braja said...

I'm just grateful I didn't have to read the "H" word, and it's the 31st October. I'm going back into hiding now until it's all over....

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

I love your memories. They rock. Just like you.

LadyFi said...

I love all these stories! And don't worry - I wore pyjama bottoms to work because I thought they were really cool casual trousers...

Fruitful Vine2 said...

You've had a pretty interesting life. Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!

Paige Lacey said...

So many layers, Ms. Onion! You're amazing. :o)

buffalodick said...

You like some movies I like..Had a customer once saw a deer get hit trying to cross the road.. He put a tow chain through the horns to drag it out. Suddenly deer comes to, and takes off with chain wrapped in his horns! They could hear him, jingling in the night...

CatLadyLarew said...

I'm loving these revelations! You wild woman, you! Isn't it amazing that they still allow us to mold small children's minds after all this?

And I've never seen Hellboy, but now I'm intrigued!

Angie Ledbetter said...

I'm so sad my friend has lived (and continues to live) such a boring sheltered life. Live a little, for Pete's sake. hehe & HUGS

Ann's Rants said...

Great post--super fun to read.

And law school? You smarty pants!

xo

Vodka Logic said...

Whipped cream wrestling...What is she doing now. lol

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