6/3/10

Wait, WHICH one is bitchy?


Someone needs to find the PayPal address for my guardian angel ASAP, because she seriously needs a RAISE - or at the very least a grand donation.

I had no longer posted my thoughts about wallowing in my own crazy wallowness, when Sassy reared up on her hind legs and hit one OUT OF THE PARK! (And without a field hockey stick, no less.)

The screaming at me Sunday morning because I had the AUDACITY to look her in the eye and ask her what her plans were that day?


How dare I.


Haven’t I learned better after living with raging teenage estrogen for these many years? (Apparently not.) I was lulled into a trancelike state by her graduation exuberance and “hope for many gifts and money” strategy to think that she would ever consider raising her voice to me a week before said event.


Then, the screaming at me insisting that she WASN’T screaming? Well, that was an ingenious touch. Frankly, if I hadn’t seen it several thousand times in the last four years, I would have given her a standing ovation. Unfortunately, the force of her lungs basically knocked me on my *$$, therefore rendering me incapable of the standing “O”. By that point I was laughing so hard that I couldn’t think straight.

The laughter? I had strategically hidden her car keys after my morning coffee because I had a crazy inkling that a storm was a brewin’.


Call it mother’s intuition.



(Now, can anybody out there cross stitch? I’m thinking about a small sign that says, “Don’t let the door hit you in the a$ on your way out.” In red.)

43 comments:

Michele said...

I suck at cross stitch but I bet I could paint you something.

middleagedcrazywoman said...

Well, now... that's what you get for caring...

I am soooooooooooo dreading the teen years... I feel karma laughing at me already.

M

Steven Anthony said...

sorry, no cross stiching here...lol

Jennifer Juniper said...

Ooh, I might need a sign just like that one :) I dread those days and they are zooming toward me fast!

crazy ramblings of a tired mom said...

As a mother of a sassy 9 year old at the moment, I am really dreading these years!

Brian Miller said...

nice hit on hiding the car keys...maybe a cross stitch key ring...

Snappy Di said...

Teen years are U.G.L.Y. I wish you luck in surviving them.

DI

Sue said...

You know it is always "grand" win you when that battle of "mom vs the kid", no matter what age! My 28 year old pregnant daughter, and mother of my 3 year old Riley, just SCREAMED at me at the top of her lungs and hung up on me. My feelings on that one, "thank you Jesus" I know longer have to have verbal pollution! Girls are not always that easy, now are they?

Take care, Sue

Anne said...

Remember how UNCOMFORTABLE God made you in your 39th week of pregnancy. It is his way of making us look forward to the extreme amount of pain we are about to experience...so we can convince ourselves we are ready. I think he's up to something again.

Mellodee said...

Can't pass up commenting on the phooto. Anybody remember Blockhead, the old stacking game? Who ever created this stack must be the world champ!! Unbelievable! :)

TallButShort said...

HAHA! Wow, all I know is whenever Mom start laughing at me when I'm having a total breakdown, it only fuels the rage...:)

a Broad said...

I laughed at my mom once and got slapped across the face... so I am careful about that sort of thing.

Mom's laughing ? that would be great .. break the tension, make you feel like an ass but then better about it because she is laughing.

Just don't stand too close when you do it.

I had forgotten this part of having a daughter.. I am always amazed that we both lived through it ...

Suburban Correspondent said...

Ah, I admire the hidden car keys trick. How satisfying...

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

That's a lot of estrogen. I hope Golden Boy doesn't hit hard on the testosterone for awhile, so you get a break in between.

Kyddryn said...

I can cross-stitch, as long as you don't want anything fancy or in a hurry. Maybe I should make a few of those signs and market them to mother's of teens...heh...

Did she ever find the keys? Or realize you'd hidden them??

Shade and Sweetwater,
K

itschaotic said...

hilarious :)

LucyCooper said...

totally unrelated, but my lesbian friend's girlfriend cross-stitched her a book mark that says "You ain't seen nothin' til your down on the" with a lil' picture of a muffin. Run DMC song lyrics, in cross stitch. Everything's funnier in needlework.

CatLadyLarew said...

Sometimes being a mom is just evilly delicious! Poor Sassy... she's just no match for you.

J.J. said...

I've been x-stitching for 30 years.

E-mail me. ; )

Suzy said...

Can I go back in time and grow up in your house? if I so much as OPENED my mouth to yell at my parents that was INSTANT grounding. No allowance, no parties, the list is endless.

My sister never opened her mouth to my parents. She was never punished and got everything she wanted BECAUSE she was good. You'd think I would have caught on after a while, but I DID NOT.

Wild Child said...

Aw, but haven't we all been there.

The week after I graduated, my mom demanded that I still drive my little brother to band practice. Ugh. I was already to hop on the adult bandwagon and throw away the cares of responsibility. Unfortunately, my brother was a tattle tale and his ninth grade self marched up to the bedroom and told my half awake mother that I was not taking him. (she has odd sleeping habits, up until 2 am, sleep til 10, 11, or noon, which is why I was supposed to be taking him) Since she was woken up from a sound sleep and then dressed and took him, I had car keys taken away. First time I'd ever been "grounded" and this after high school graduation.

And I was sassy about it, because I said it didn't matter, usually I wasn't the one driving, so my friends would take me out. So I wasn't actually forced to stay at home, just carless for a week. It's all inside of us somewhere.

Captain Dumbass said...

I could probably do something for you in Lego or grilled cheese.

The Empress said...

Needlework allows you to say anything, anything, and have it still look disarmingly charming.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Hiding the keys is a nice touch.
jj

Anonymous said...

男人有了外遇,但是他不想離婚
外遇情人面前,他可以享受著年輕戀愛般的美好
在回歸家庭時刻,他可以享受著老婆對他無微不至的照顧
在同事朋友面前,他可以享受著眾人對他的忌妒與羨慕
男人有了外遇,但是他不想離婚,他只想自私的擁有一切

Frau said...

I think you will always get the last laugh!

Gayle said...

I think I will start calling my 10-year old bitchy. The shoe is fitting. Go ahead...mess with her while you can.

WeaselMomma said...

You are a genius!

Coco said...

They say when you have kids that you get double what you gave as a child. She is in for it if that is true. One of my daughters, grown, talked to me in a very ugly manner. I just hung up and refused to talk to her for a period of time. I told her that I didn't deserve it and even if I did I was her Mother and would not be talked to that way. She tried it again recently and my other daughter jumped down her throat over the disrespectful way she talked to me.

Wendy said...

On that note: There is a site you should look at. It's
www(dot)subversive cross stitch(dot)com
You will get a good laugh. It's exactly stuff like that. Cute little cross stitch items that seem nice, but when you read them? Watch out! I love it.
<3 Your Super Best Friend & Stalker

=-)

Laura said...

I LOVE to cross-stitch & would happily make you a red-letter sign! Let me know how big, & if you want those exact words, the a$$ form, or "Don't let the door hit you where the Good Lord split you!"

My oldest is a 9 yr old girl, & the drama is already too much for me...I'll probably need to make this sign in duplicate!

King of New York Hacks said...

Aw hell, I'll start cross stitching for this cause !! LOL

Elaine said...

You will still miss her when she's gone.
A moment here, a moment there . . . Can't wait to read about it!

Anna See said...

NICE touch on the car keys, Mom! I feel like I'm learning from the master!

Heather said...

You should make a little stamp and leave messages all around the house that say I love you or you are the best daughter but then stamp that in bright red at the end of each note! I'm not nice.

As Cape Cod Turns said...

I already get crap like that from the 13 year old.

What are you doing this afternoon?

Who knew that was such a loaded question!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Always one step ahead, you....

RottenMom said...

We are going through this in my house as well. I hope we both survive. My boys are soooooooo much nicer to me. I don't cross stich, but I have a crap load of Sharpies if you want to borrow one. They are permanent you know. I'm just sayin'.

Andrea's Sweet Life said...

I'm too distracted by the fact that she's standing in MY airport to leave a real comment!

Diane J. said...

Gotta love Mother's Intuition. I like the hiding of the car keys, I'm going to have to do that. Dear teen son had me in a snit today. He was yelling and when I told him he was yelling he responded just like your daughter, "I'M NOT YELLING!" Uh-huh.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Priceless! you are amazing. May I live vicariously thru your latest victory??

MommyToTwoBoys said...

I used to HATE when my mom took my car keys! I know how your daughter feels! (don't take that the wrong way, I am on your side, but I was a bitchy, bitchy teen girl myself, sorry)

And all I can say is thank goodness I got two boys...

Scope said...

As you know, "Ask and you shall recieve."