7/7/10

Hope? That's the town that all parents live in.


Some of you have been around long enough to remember the troubles this family has experienced this past year.

I haven’t talked about it because Sassy asked me not to. I have respected her wishes.


Until now.


Frankly, as I look at it, I have asked her NUMEROUS times over the years not to do stuff, and she has either through her words or actions, DECLINED.

In this case I think that the greater good lies in knowing that knowledge – and the experiences of others – might help others that find themselves in the midst of a traumatic and uncontrollable situation.

It was just a few days before graduation when I received a letter in the mail from the District Attorney’s office. My heart stopped IMMEDIATELY, and I was searching my brain for the memory of a forgotten speeding ticket, a bounced check, or some other mess I might have inadvertently gotten myself into.

I cautiously opened the letter to discover that the young man who, through his actions, taught Sassy about fear and mistrust- had in fact pled guilty and was about to be sentenced by the judge.

The court wanted to let us know that Sassy had a short window of time to prepare a victim’s statement- one that the judge would take into consideration before sentencing Georgie.

We all knew that she might be asked to write one, and she’s been thinking about writing it since last November. It’s been one of those tasks that have must been too painful for her – perhaps seeing in writing what this whole experience has done to her youth was too much for her. I can’t be sure.

I wondered what she would write. Could she know that she had changed from an outgoing, funny, well-liked, friendly young girl to a soul who chose to stay home most of her junior and senior year- instead of spending it with friends at sleep-over’s and parties? Was she aware that she learned to travel with an old field hockey stick in her car and a set of eyes in the back of her head? Did she realize that she had pushed away most of her friends- ones that really didn’t understand what she was going through, and ones that had no idea that she felt her life was in danger? Did she know that what should have been the best years of high school for her – were the scariest.

Can you put that into words as an 18-year old girl? I’m here to tell you that she did.

Will it be over when he gets sentenced?

No.

Will she be suddenly cured, and will we see that young, trusting, joyful girl that we once knew?

I don’t think so.


However, we do have hope- we must have hope.


We hope that she continues to evolve into a strong woman who trusts her gut instincts every single time.

We hope that she meets new friends who understand her struggle, and who will hold her close as she begins to heal.

We hope that she looks forward more, and behind less.

We hope that she uses this experience to help her become the woman she is meant to be.

And we hope, beyond all else, that she finds happiness. Real, true, incredible happiness – for this is the one thing that might dissolve those tiny seeds of fear that quietly lurk in the corners of her heart.


Let us pray.


42 comments:

Mandy said...

Poor Sassy (and your entire family)!

What a terrible, horrible ordeal she must have gone through and still suffers from even though that man is going to be sentenced.

You guys will all be in my thoughts.

Cheryl said...

To have her whole world turned upside down on its head at such an early age must have been terrifying for her...and you & Tightwad. My prayers go out to all of you. I'd try to make you laugh but frankly, after reading this, I got nothin' prosaic to say.

Brian Miller said...

VM you know this just grates me...i realy got nothing else other than let me at em....smiles.

kendrasue said...

Your post gave me goosebumps. I hope that she has the courage to do all you described. Good luck with the sentencing

Heather said...

I haven't been around long enough, but if I read the context correct I know what has happened. I hope he gets what he deserves and I hope your beautiful Sassy can learn to be happy again.

BLOGitse said...

Hope - that's what we need!
When I was diagnosed with breast cancer (early enough) I had hope.
Today my life is great but I can remember the day when I heard the word 'cancer'.
Hope gave me strength after the shock.
Sassy will survive because you support her. But she needs her own pace to recover...
Take care!

BLOGitse

As Cape Cod Turns said...

Yay for Sassy! I am so glad that, however hard the letter was to write, she did it!
And good for you to not write it for her :)

Scary Mommy said...

You are such an amazing mother. Thinking of you and Sassy. xoxo

Christy said...

I'll continue to keep her - and you - in my thoughts and prayers. Thank god he pled guilty. I hope she does surround herself with great new friends next year. You're amazing - and she is too!

Whitney said...

I've been a silent blog reader for a while now, but this post.... my thoughts and prayers are with you and Sassy as she continues to grow throughout the next stage of her life, and that she can look back on this someday and know that it made her into the strong woman she will undoubtedly become.

WebSavvyMom said...

-->I hope that she does indeed start moving forward and maybe time away from your town in Oregon at her new school will help her along the right path.
My very good friend had a stalker in college and after transferring schools and numerous calls to the police, finally got rid of him. She looks back now 15 years later and says it was terrifying but she learned about the world and most of all herself. She also got two bachelor's degrees, her master's and her PhD (after having twins).

King of New York Hacks said...

I'm with Brian on this one...grates me is an understatement...you are a fantastic parent,and have a very brave daughter... sending you safe honks from the Big Apple.

Sue said...

"HOPE" is a very BIG word in my life!! Without "HOPE" where would our future lie? I'm very happy that your daughter took the time to write that letter. Sometimes the written word has a greater healing power than we realize at the time. My "hopes" and "prayers" are with you all as you look back on this experience!

Take care, Sue

Michele said...

Sometimes traumatic experiences define us and make us better people. I say us because I too had a traumatic experience at Sassy's age. I like to think that it made me more compassionate and accepting of others issues. So while Sassy may never be the same,... she may be better. That is my hope for her.

Kyddryn said...

One may always hope, Mizz Vodkamom...without hope, we dwell in darkness.

Shade and Sweetwater,
K

For what they're worth:

"The phoenix hope, can wing her way through the desert skies, and still defying fortune's spite; revive from ashes and rise." - Miguel de Cervantes

"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land
And on the strangest sea,
Yet never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me." - Emily Dickinson

"Hope, like the gleaming taper's light,
Adorns and cheers our way:
And still, as darker grows the night,
Emits a brighter ray." - Oliver Goldsmith

Hope springs eternal. - Kyddryn

middleagedcrazywoman said...

My fingers are crossed for her and your whole family.

Makes it a little hard to walk and do stuff but - HEY! Maybe it'll work.

M

Missy said...

I will be praying for your daughter and your family. She will get through this. For his own sake, he needs the maximum time!

Jeanne said...

And it will make her stronger. Because that's just the way it works.

ChiTown Girl said...

Sassy is one hell of a strong girl. She must get it from her mom!

Gigi said...

Although I am a bad commenter, seriously - I have followed this heart-wrenching story. And I can tell you this. From where I stand, this whole event will make her stronger. Because she has the love and support of her family. Generally, people either emerge from a crises stronger or weaker. From what I've seen - having the love and support of family and friends makes them stronger. I'm praying & sending many good thoughts for her and you.

only a movie said...

She'll end up stronger for going through this. You all will.
lots of light and love beamed your way (all the way to Oregon) xoxo

Under the Influence said...

This was one tough life lesson!

Mimi Lenox said...

"Real, true, incredible happiness – for this is the one thing that might dissolve those tiny seeds of fear that quietly lurk in the corners of her heart."

Truer words were never spoken.
Prayers for you and Sassy and all involved. She has a strong support system and an incredible model of honesty in you.
I am so glad she wrote it and owned it.

KaLynn said...

A prayer has been said. Hugs.

Annie said...

Praying for healing and peace for sweet Sassy and her fabulous mother.

Donna said...

As hard as this whole experience has been she will become a much stronger person as will you all. It is so hard to deal with hard times, but it is part of what molds us. I hope she finds light and happiness in the future.

Pastor Sharon said...

I remember when you posted about this the first time. It reminds me of how these things that go to court can drag on for what feels like forever. Then comes the day when we get to write down and/or say the real, harsh truth.
There is something that happens when we see the truth in writing. It empowers us to make a choice. 1)Remain stuck 2) Move forward in the safety of our Mothers.
Looks like healing can begin. You both are in my prayers.
Hug her lots, Mom. Nothing brings healing better than that safe place!

Jennie said...

May everyone involved in this horrible situation never lose hope that tomorrow will be better and the day after even better. Some things cannot be forgotten but with hope all things can be forgiven. My prayers and positive thoughts to you and yours.

Best wishes and high hopes,
Jennie

Ellie Belen said...

Good for you for not falling for that double standard. Children try to pull that stuff all the time.

Thanks for sharing.

It saddens me that so many young women have to go through this trauma. It's not a conversation a mother thinks she will ever have to have with her daughter, but here it. Yet another thing to prepare her for and guard against.

My hopes are with you and Sassy.

Anonymous said...

茜茜知道他有了外遇
他變得春風滿面,嘴裡總是哼著歌曲
他開始變得有耐心聽她說話、會買禮物給她、甚至帶她出遊
茜茜知道這是因為他對外遇有愧疚
她沒有揭穿丈夫的外遇,甚至享受這樣的生活
茜茜偷偷的跟姐妹滔說:感謝老公的外遇帶來更美好的夫妻生活!

Anonymous said...

明知道他有婚姻,筱蝶還是陷進去了
他告訴筱蝶,不是不願意離婚
只是孩子還小,他不忍心孩子這麼小就面臨父母離婚的難題
他告訴筱蝶,他有多麼愛她
他多想馬上離婚光明正大和她在一起
他告訴筱蝶,她值得更好的人,但是他捨不得放手
只要給他兩年時間,他就會馬上離婚
多麼動聽的話,為了他的承諾,筱蝶甘心傻等
一心等對方離婚、一心想要成為他的太太
然而當兩年的時間過去了
男人還是沒有離婚
他淡淡的對筱蝶說:我配不上妳,所以我要放妳自由!

Dee said...

Good luck!

WeaselMomma said...

She's a brave girl.

I hope she eventually heals from this without forgetting the lessons of it.

Feeling Beachie said...

I am a new reader, so I just read all the posts. My heart goes out to Sassy and you. When I was younger, I had a minor (nothing like this) stalking experience, and it so scared me. Like you, my mom was with me the entire way…. I know you are so proud of her and even though I don’t know her, I am proud of her too. Not to sound cliché, but this experience will definitely make her a stronger person. Unfortunately she had to learn these lessons at such a young age. Good luck to you both!

Jules said...

I'm not sure any amount of words could say what I feel about this. Such a horrible thing that in the blink of an eye youth is gone.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

SkylersDad said...

I can't imagine what you and Sassy have been through, but I wish you both love and peace.

Dawn said...

I can't imagine the pain and horror this boy has put Sassy through. I'm glad he came forward. I'm glad Sassy was brave enough to make a statement.
Thank you for updating us.

Keeping you and Sassy in my prayers!

Diane J. said...

Keeping your family in my prayers.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

our thoughts and prayers are with your family...best of luck.

Anna See said...

Praying with you, Vodka.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Let us pray indeed. No doubt it has made and will make her a stronger and more incredible woman, and to use this experience to help others. But I'm just sorry she had to even go thru it at all. Thank goodness it's ended this way for all of you. And thank you for sharing it with us. As the mother of 2 daughters I've taken it to heart.

Magpie said...

Here's hoping.