12/30/10

I'll take the olive. I've got my own twist.

I find myself at a loss for words these days.

I am going through an incredible life-changing event and I am having a very difficult time writing about it.

It’s crazy.

I’ve blogged about my sister, brother, Bitchy, Sassy, Golden Boy and all the trials and tribulations of raising said children; the good, the bad and the ugly.

I’ve blogged about stalking, fighting, teen driving, teen dating, teen screaming, teaching, hurting, laughing and heartache.


I’ve written about everything in my life; everything but this. This event has me speechless. And that’s hard to do.


I don’t feel comfortable (surprisingly) writing about anything that might hurt any of the parties involved; ANY of the parties. (Holy crap, have I finally learned how to use a semi-colon?)

I don’t know why.


Is there a right way to do this? No.

Is there a guide about how to end a marriage? No.

Do we all do things the same way? No.


I only know that no matter who chooses to finally right something that has been wrong for so long, those long tentacles of pain reach out and wrap themselves around many, many people.


I am trying to find a way to put words to all that is happening, but do it in a way that will be true to who I am.


I thank you from the bottom of my heart for continuing to visit me, for your emails, your cards and your support. It has lifted me in ways I CAN’T TELL YOU and is helping me each and every day. And the funnies? Keep ‘em coming. I’m feeling the magic as we speak.


I can’t wait to find my voice again, to laugh out loud while writing, and to feel good about myself.


Now, I am going to settle into my new home, check the mousetraps, put a log on the fire and bury myself in a good book. Have a lovely new year, everyone.

55 comments:

It's Always Something Around Here said...

Hugs to you! I kinda figured through your tweets and blog that this was what was going on. I knew you would share when you were ready!

I am sure you will handle it with grace and humor as much as possible! You will find your voice and your funny again.....I am counting on that!

I am here if you need a shoulder to lean on. More hugs for you!

Sara J. Henry said...

You know I support you and will always be there to comfort or nag, as the case may be. And I hope you love my novel. (And no, that isn't how you use a semi-colon! Don't worry; we'll have a long talk about it some day.) Hugs.

Sheila said...

I am happy that you have found a way to live your life so that you are true to yourself. I thought this was what was going on. I am sorry for the pain but without pain, we cannot grow!
I hope 2011 brings you all you need. remember to take care of yourself.

Gigi said...

I had a suspicion that this might be the case.

I'm sorry, I can only imagine how hard it must be. Know that you have lots of support and love here. xo

Ann Imig said...

Love to you. You are doing exactly what you must--keep going and write through it.

Sometimes life just isn't light-hearted.

xo

Wendi said...

All my love to you.

Kat said...

This is going to be tough, no question about that, just don't forget to laugh. Laugh often and laugh hard hun.

StacieM said...

Best wishes for a 2011 full of joy, renewal and a wonderful YOU.

InspiredDreamer said...

Now.

Say it. The words are in you. Say them. Spew them. Drop the f-bomb. Use a mixed metaphor and dark sexual humor.

Do it all.

Maybe you won't post everything, but write it. Let it out.

And remember that the people who love you and follow you will forgive you if you do post some of the dark sexual humor or f-bombs... probably moreso than the mixed metaphors, actually.

We bloggers are sticklers for good grammar, you know. :)

Anne said...

You can't judge a person by their character when all is going right in their world. True character shines bright in the low points. I commend you for not only taking care of yourself, but doing your part in protecting the hearts of those you love in the process. No one said it would be easy or fast, but you will get through it and be able to be proud of your integrity on your journey.

a Broad said...

That's the problem with some problems.. you have to fix them all by yourself.
It helps to be sure of what you are doing and what you want and it is wonderful if you have support and a shoulder to cry on or just an ear to talk off ...
This is good medium for that, you will find someone here, most hours of the day and night..
You know that there are plenty of shoulders and ears waiting to absorb some of the pain , loss, anger and eventually to hear and feel the beginnings of a lightness of being, small smiles turning into belly laughs.
You will be quicker to smile, slower to dwell on the sad things .. it all just takes Time.
So many have been through this, on every level of pain and sadness, let anyone who can, be your sounding board, a shoulder to cry on or just knowing they are there is sometimes good enough.
And never forget that perfect strangers ( yes, I am perfect) care about you also and send nothing but good wishes and hopes for a happy future.
muchas besos.. C

jessica said...

actually, everyone does do it the same way. there is an ex-husband handbook somewhere and even the best of guys somehow turn into assholes. your kids are a bit older than most of the people i've known going through this (and my own) so maybe you will not have to watch as this man that you at some point probably said would "never" do this or that, even in the worst of situations, turns into an unrecognizable, selfish, piece of...
ahem, sorry. maybe i'm a bit biased. oh crap, i forgot that i'm not supposed to tell the truth about situations while people are going through them. like you shouldn't tell pregnant women that they are about to experience the WORST PAIN IMAGINABLE and that they're breasts will never be perky again! and that their adorable little newborns will grow horrible teenagers who roll their eyes and suck their teeth!
and you shouldn't quote crash statistics to people about to fly.
sorry. i've heard from time to time i lack....what is it? sounds like 'fact'.... you'd think i could remember because people tell me all the time. oh well.
the other thing people don't tell you is that becoming independent after so long is so frightening that you might shit yourself. no, wait, that's childbirth.
have fun in your new place ;)

Minivan Mom said...

You are in my thoughts, and you know I understand. *hugs*

Pseudo said...

I feel you Vodka and my heart goes out to you. Although my situation is different, going through something painful and personal and not feeling comfortable putting someone else's life and difficulties on the internet - well, it has dampened my writing mojo too.

xoxo

ps What you did put out here today was respectful, heartfelt, and candid.

Jules said...

As you could find no words to express the pain, I can find no words to ease it. But the blog world has a huge heart use it my friend we are all here with you.

Funnies, hum 2 words...

Bug zappers

Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Kathy's Klothesline said...

It is hard to lose an outlet for the turmoil in your life, but I understand your need to edit this event carefully for the sake of those you love so much. Says a whole lot about the mom you are, a good one!

Irish Gumbo said...

You will write it when you are ready. You'll know when you are ready. In the meantime, enjoy that book, rest a spell.

Sending you some good vibes, my dear, looking forward to a new and different year :)

(P.S: I so get this. Really.)

J.J. in L.A. said...

(((HUGS)))

Lynn MacDonald said...

Beautifully said. Much love.

Lori said...

((((Vodka Mom)))) I understand way more than I wish I did. Just know it will get better and a day is coming when you will feel better than you have felt for a really long time.

ChiTown Girl said...

Most of the others already said the things I want to say. I'm sending you lots of love, and support. As someone who's been there, I understand how difficult this is for you. I applaud you for being so tactful and thoughtful to the others involved.

{{{hugs}}}

Sue said...

Sometimes it's just to do what you just did, "put it out there". It will help the healing process begin by the first step, "I'm going through a divorce". You got that much out, so you are on your way! Sadly, I think it takes awhile to be true to who you are. To much of "life" to figure that out yet. When you are in the middle of what you are going through, as I told you, nothing makes sense, nothing seems right and it does seem like the only thing you understand is the heartache. . .not only your own but to those around you. I promise you one thing, it DOES get better. I learned that after being married 22 years with three kids similiar to the ages of your kids, two girls, the youngest, my son when I went through a divorce. Just take it one day at a time, enjoy the laughter and accept the tears. You will be okay, really!

Take care, Sue

Take care, Sue

rach said...

Long time reader- bad commenter though.

I'm sorry for all of the pain that you and your family are going through right now. These things are never easy for any party involved. Doing what you need to do for yourself, for healing- its so important right now. My thoughts are with your and your family. happy new year.

Anonymous said...

I know I often stay anonymous but that doesn't mean I don't think of you often and check your blog to see how you are doing. I had figured that this was going on which is never a nice thing to go through. I hope that everyone that is going through this change with you finds some peace.
Take care my blog friend

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I thought this is what was happening-I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope the end result is more happiness for everyone involved.

Unbloggable events are incredibly tough for bloggers--maybe you should do a password protected blog just for yourself and maybe your inner circle?

Pastor Sharon said...

My dear sweet friend,
I am so very proud of you. You just took your first step in getting it out.

Your heart will guide you. Your thoughts will begin to flow through your finger tips, or pen, which ever you choose.

And that big fear, grabbing at your vocal chords, is just fear. You know who you are. You won't do anything you feel shouldn't do.
It's okay. . . keep letting it out as it comes up.

Anonymous said...

I am a long time reader just wanting to send my support. I'm trying to end my own marriage and wish you the best. I know how difficult it is

Vodka Mom said...

i can't tell you all how much your comments are helping me. I needed to kick my own @** and I am feeling the love.

CarrieAnn said...

It takes sunshine and rain to make a rainbow. I hope you find your rainbow soon. :)

SkylersDad said...

I really believe that if we didn't have my son to care for, we would have divorced long ago.

But maybe if we didn't have my son to care for, we would be ok?

Who knows, all I know is that you are loved by us out here, and we are here for you.

Mona Baker said...

long time reader, 1st time poster, been thru this, still happening, just wanted to let you know that you are not aloneand things will look up

Vodka Mom said...

Mona- thank you so much- and everyone else. I feel a bit like Jimmy Stewart. Every time someone comments, vodka gets her wings.


Her wings to fly.

Jennie said...

Dear one,
You will rise above all of this. You will survive and be able to smile and laugh again without guilt.
You will be able to one day remember the good times without any feeling sad or bitter.

Hang in there and do not lose hope in yourself.

Much love to you,
Jennie and the Pret Pekes

Cheryl D. said...

I suspected that's what's been going on.

Take the time to mourn. It was obviously a long marriage.

Treat the new year as a time for renewal. A time to indulge yourself and do whatever you want to do!

Have a glorious time!

The Empress said...

I wish, so sincerely, for peace to you in the new year.

You have helped me so much, and have been so kind to me.

I hope all the love you've sent out into the universe comes back to you...it looks like it already is.

I'll be thinking of you.

Captain Dumbass said...

New year, new life.

Laura said...

Take flight, VM!! Virtual hugs & real prayers! I went through this as an adult child of a 24 year marriage that ended. It was very painful for all of us at first, but everyone is civil & agreeable now. We can even have family get-togethers with both parents & the steps. Let me know if you ever have questions about the do's & dont's from the child's perspective. Hang in there...we all support you!!

Lora said...

much love and even more vodka :) you have to do what is best for YOU, even if that means silence for awhile :)

Gayle said...

Nothing makes it easier, but you will pick yourself up and go on. That's what we do. Need something to be thankful for? Be thankful your kids are older. After 3 years of raising the kids without "him" I am now headed to court Jan. 5th to keep my kids home where they want to be; not uprooted because he all of a sudden has a conscience. I hope you and I both come out on the better end of things.

Joanie said...

I just need to know one thing.

How did you get your hands on a new book that not due out until February 2011?

Hugs, my friend. One day at a time. (and it's not a message from Bill W... just a tidbit from me about moving on and learning to live again)

Mrs. E said...

No one said life is easy, but-- it is so worth it! You will be happpy again. You can bank on that.

Scope said...

Don't know what to write. Haven't known what to write for months as I read between the lines.

Having spent time wiht you at BlogHer, I know that you are who you are, and that is a rock star.

I believe in you.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Sending love and hugs and laughs.

XOXO:-)

That Janie Girl said...

Don't make me come to Oregon and make you smile. Oh, wait. I am coming to Oregon. In January. I'll send you the dates, make sure I grab a weekend, and we'll have to meet for 1/2 day or so and have fun!

Love you, heifer.

Julie said...

Well that sucks doesn't it? Hang in there, lady. It's a roller coaster and there are no rules or any method to the madness. It's an up and down ride that changes daily. But there is an end....and a moment where you finally step off the ride and get your feet back on solid ground.

Meanwhile, come to Ohio. I have booze. :)

Wishing you the best 2011 possible.

Jill said...

wishing you nothing but the best in 2011...

since life has handed you a few lemons, i saw screw the lemonade and go straight for making the margaritas!

Amy said...

Sometimes there just aren't words, or in the words and voice of Forrest Gump. . . "sometimes there are just not enough rocks!"
I think you are doing amazing! I admire your courage! Hang in there, there are people around you can lean on and you know who those people are. So just lean. . .

Enjoy a quiet day with your fire and book!!!

♥ Braja said...

I wondered when you would write about it. Why? Because it's always those fingers of fear clutching your throat that stop you---the fragments of the hope of finding all things right in the world that will stop you from having to go thru this; the thought that haunts you, "maybe it's me, maybe it's just me, maybe it's not him..." that stops you from speaking, because if you speak you have to follow thru with it, and what if what if what if....

So the breaking of silence is the next step; and like you wrote the other day, it's given you a lightness...and that is what you need to hang onto, because when we break the mold of all the things that we think are right and good and proper and which are supposed to be our security, our safety, our foundation, then the world is a scary place, and we doubt ourselves so much....but just hold onto the lightness you feel, and have faith in what you're doing. Because in the end, no matter how it turns out, no matter it's right, wrong, black, white, whatever, it's your path, it's your course, it's your choice, and you own it. It's that simple....

Love you xoxox

Kyddryn said...

I did not write much about my divorce, despite being public about things that would seem so much more personal (mental illness beng one of 'em)...but that's just it, sugar - when it's YOU, it's easier than when it involves others...and their need for a voice, too, when you can only speak with YOURS and don't necessarily WANT to hear theirs, anyway.

There are still things I don't write about...not where the general public can read 'em, anyway. If you'd like a blog or two to dump into, e-mail me and I'll hook you up with a couple that're anonymous, where you can say what you need to as sweetly, crudely, quietly, vehemently, with as much grace and as litle style as you need.

Meanwhile, I wish you many blessings in your new home and with your new life...and joy on your new path, wherever it may lead you.

Shade and Sweetwater,
K

Anna See said...

I know it must have been hard to push publish on this post. But you know you can do hard things, and we are confident in you! We are here for you and love you!

Cora said...

I've worn those shoes too. They aren't easy to walk in, are they? I'm so sorry. Things WILL get better though, I promise.

((((HUGS))))

Pam said...

I never comment, but I always read... and I have been feeling that this was what was coming.

I've been there, and it IS hard. I wrote what I saw as the truth, because i had no other place to turn... I'm not sure if writing about it was good or not... it helped me and kept things in perspective for me -- the things I did right as well as wrong -- we do what we have to do.

Just don't let anyone drag you down... this process is hard enough on its own and we all seem to take on enough on our own that taking on the guilt from others who are NOT involved just makes it worse...

((((HUGS))

alitalyn said...

If I could hug you right now I would. I'm sure you've heard this more times than you can count, but it does get better. You will come through this and be stronger than you were before.

Much love to you!

Anonymous said...

Remember to remember to take care of yourself. That is my best advice. Get enough sleep, remember to eat, find time for prayer (or just quiet time, if that's your thing), keep in touch with friends and family that you are safe with and can vent to a million times (and they still keep listening). Do silly fun things with your kids--they need that right now, and so do you--even if you don't feel like it--Get up & go. No matter what has happened in the past, you can definitely count on the fact that rarely anyone in this situation acts rationally, reasonably, or kindly (maybe not even you) and be sure to protect yours and your kids' interests, which I can imagine might be the last thing on your mind right now. I've been reading your blog for a while, and I believe you are a tolerant, patient, and lovely woman, but remember to take care of you--don't let anyone (ahem) take advantage of your kindness and sweet nature. Take it from someone who knows (and regrets giving up too much).
It will seem like your heart won't heal, and I'll be the first person to admit when your heart breaks like that, it does re-mend, but not ever in the way it was formed before. You'll hurt for your kids, you'll agonize for them, and remember, children are resilient, and they're just as worried about you as you are them.
I'm sending hugs---LOTS of them!!!! to you guys. I never thought I'd be at my office crying for someone I've never met, but you've made many of my days tolerable, and for that I can never thank you enough.
Peace to you, sister. Lots of love too.
~Aud

formerlyonlyamovie said...

Wishing you peace in the new year.

The unbloggable does sometimes stop the blog in its tracks, but its so good to know that there are so many people out there for support!

xoxo